Hello fellow journeymen, I've been lurking for a while and attempting to remain PMO free and I think it's a lot easier to keep up the streak if you really engage with the process so here I am. Sorry if this post is a little long, I just want to get all of these thoughts out of my head. TL;DR I was a 29 year old virgin, PMO'ing since 13. Finally got a girlfriend and things work maybe 1 out of every 5 times and I'm tired of hurting her self esteem and my self confidence. I tried all the other solutions but realised, after exploring YBOP.com, that the problem is a deep seated porn addiction. ________________________________________________________________________________________________ I'm 30 years old and was a virgin until last year when I met an amazing woman who took a chance on me. I started masturbating when I was around 13/14 and had been pretty much every day. When I started the internet was in its early stages of popularity, so the majority of my PMO until maybe 18/19 was with images and imagining girls and women I had interacted with. I also used to smoke weed and MO, in fact it didn't even feel worth it unless I was stoned when performing. This continued on and off from around 17 - 28 with regular porn, nothing crazy I normally finished very quickly, I'm a death metal drummer so I have fast hand speed I had been fighting shyness and social anxiety, add in the fact that I was a 28 year old virgin who had kissed 2 girls in my whole life and I had addictions to nicotine, weed, porn and massive amounts of novel information, I lived online and alone when I wasn't working. I decided then that I was going to make changes in my life. I stopped weed and quit a job that I hated in order to get into a new environment because if nothing changes then things stay the same. I tried to make new friends and talk to people but it was very difficult and I stayed alone and used porn. Before I stopped the weed I had gotten into TV Chatline girls (watching, not calling) and JOI videos. Eventually leading to hypnosis JOI videos and then onto feminisation and bisexual videos and a lot of humiliation and workship videos. These were the most compelling videos I had ever seen and would spend entire days watching subliminal messaging videos, questioning my sexuality - I never had before, and being degraded. I also had a cycle of girls of facebook that I would check on a daily basis looking for new photos to fantastize with. PMO'ing multple times a day - at home and at work. This continued until one week ago. Last year I met this girl and she spent 6 months trying to get me to come out of my shell at all. I was terrified even being alone in the same room. I would literally runaway when anything went wrong. One night she asked me if I wanted to go upstairs (she had no idea she was my first although I suspect it was obvious) and we went upstairs. Everything started ok, but my erection just disappeared. I panicked and ran away and this pattern was repeated a few times until I worked out some foreskin and sensitivity issues. She was very patient and eventually we worked up to full on sex and eventually I orgasmed after stopping MO'ing then went back to PMO'ing and then the problems of intermittent erections returned. I have read up on rebooting 14 months ago but after speaking with a doctor he talked me out of the idea and perscribed viagra instead. That worked for a while but it only masked the problem. I since have stopped smoking, changed my whole diet and have started to get fit and strong, sprinting, lifting weights and swimming. All of these made sex easier but not enjoyable as I was always concerned with maintaining an erection and orgasming to validate my girlfriend. So here we are, it happened last week and I have realised that nothing else will work except a reboot so I have commited to this idea. Thats long enough of a post, I cam continue in my journal. Sorry for the haphazard meandering post but I've never got those words out before and I want to build a string foundation for healing.
