I Just Want To Be Better

Hi guys,

So, i was crying alone in my room thinking how i ended up like this.

I'm a 29 year old male, married and blessed with 2 daughters. So i guess those with kids could know where i'm coming from.

I started stimulating myself when i was in pre-school. I would think about naked girls and play with my "buddy". But that was it. I didn't ejaculate nor did i assault girls or women sexually. It was just me and pleasuring myself to sleep.

At the age of 18, i heard some friends talk about masturbation and ejaculation. Long story short, i had my first intentional ejaculation at the age of 18. And to my shame, it was a VERY amazing sensation. I can still remember that moment vividly.

Another long story short, i've been masturbating twice a day ever since.

Here's the thing. I used to be an energetic, ambitious and a happy guy. I wanted to learn everything that can be learned in my life time. I wanted to achieve everything that can be achieved in my life time. I wanted to make the world a better place.

I strongly believe PMO is ruining my life and taking me somewhere that i wouldn't want to be. I wake up everyday resenting my life. I'm not as energetic, ambitious as i used to be. I would often wake up with cynical thoughts in my mind.

And worst of all, i haven't done anything nor do i possess the motivation to push myself to do anything to achieve all of my dreams and ambitions.

I guess the reason i cried is because, i will be 30 years old next year, and although i want to give my 2 kids the best childhood that i could give, (and i know i can give them a much, much better childhood), i am still a nobody without any achievement, struggling to fight my lust.

So here i am, thinking that i really need to change. I need to stop PMO-ing and start to "GO OUT THERE and make my dreams come true".

Today will be my first day, and i will update my progress every morning. I aim to quit PMO permanently.

I wish us all a happy and meaningful life without PMO.

 

Thank you mate. I honestly felt the urge just now. But i think i could, heck, i WANT to resist the urge to FAP. So, thank you so much and i am thinking about my goals. I hope to fill my thoughts with my goals, dreams and ambitions. Not the usual PMO-related stuff. Good luck to you too, friend.

 

Thank you friend. I was deeply touched to the point of shedding tears when you wrote about the ME waiting at the end of the tunnel. I really, honestly, truly want to meet him again. I miss that guy.

And BTW, your thread was really helpful. You'll kind of have to manage your approach and strategy to stop FAP-ing. Sounds like the road is still way ahead of me. But this time, i am willing to make that effort. And thanks to guys like you, i believe i can make that change.