Hey NoFap: I'm in a relationship right now that is fast approaching 3 months; I have never been in this long of a relationship before. She tells me it's okay to open up, but sometimes when I do, what comes out (hindsight is 20/20 I know ) is insecure and self-blaming. Now that I'm on NoFap again, my emotions have become more down than before and I've become quite pissy and whingey. I don't know, I think, quite frankly put, I'm just being a little bitch. The argument generally ends with us apologising to each other, with my apology for the fact I made a little thing into a big deal. How do I become a better boyfriend? I'm 19, and trying to figure out how to be a man, but I feel like if I don't address some of the issues in our relationship (albeit, probably shouldn't do it insecurely), then I'm being inauthentic to the woman of my dreams. What should I do NoFap? tl;dr just hung out with gf and I was being insecure and whingey. How do I come back from this situation and how do I avoid it in the future?
Brutal honesty is the only way, for any kind of relationship. But don't listen to me much also 19 and haven't been in a relationship so yeah
Take it from a 22 year old who have a couple of girlfriends. The reason you are in this situation is because lack of self-love, if you loved yourself 100% you would never talk down on yourself, jesus christ especially not infront of a woman, that is some cringe stuff. When I used to look down on myself I used to keep that bullshit for myself and meanwhile show super confidence infront of others, I don't count that your girlfriend is going to be with you for a long time because you don't deserve a girlfriend. She probably will dump you once she finds a chance to be with another man who is more confident than you and can do more for her. That's how women are wired, they will dump the beta male to go for the less beta one so she can increase her survival, unless her chemistry says otherwise. You need to work on yourself, lift bars, read books, go out in nature, find a job or something you love to do, most important finding the love for yourself and life. "Brutal honesty is the only way, for any kind of relationship" What!? Hell no it is not the way, I have lied my ass off to many women to get what I want and it works very well, it sure has its risks. No wonder you never had a girlfriend. My favorite lie is to send a picture of me lying in the hospital to one of my girlfriends or dates and tell them I got into a motorcycle accident, not only is that some alpha shit but they will think you are a loose cannon who is not afraid to get his hands dirty, 90% of them showed me emotional support and eventually gave me sex after this lie even though I did not pay a lot of attention to them or was awkward during the dates. Women are not innocent, they are probably less romantic than most men are, who knows maybe your girlfriend is already looking for other guys or has sex with other men so she can tolerate being with you. You don't have to be a better boyfriend, you have to be better at being a cool dude by finding what you love to do in life and women will find you attractive and won't mind if you are a bad kisser, bad boyfriend and bad whatever etc. because you don't need them, you have yourself and the thing you love to do, that makes you an attractive man. Don't try to hold on to stuff, try to let go of who you think you are, let go of rules and that will lead you into a new way of life. Here is videos for you:
@20cents: Be very careful about the 'advice' that James Bond has given you. Personally I feel like it has way more potential to do harm than good in your case. And I don't have the time right now but when I do I'll elaborate on it, but from what I can already see, it seems like you're really serious about making this relationship work with this woman, whereas Mr Bond is giving you advice from the POV of someone who 'have a couple of girlfriends' and who lies his ass off to get what he wants(his words, not mine). That alone should make you take everything he just said with a big pinch of salt And by the way, having some insecurites and blaming yoruself for things that have gone wrong in your life is not a clear indicator that you don't love yourself. This whole notion of equating being 'alpha' to being a dick is so inaccurate. I wish you guys would just stop perpetuating that. Stay strong man, and I'll try and throw in my 20 cents(see what I did there) as soon as I can.
Alright, woman here. James Bond is right about needing to love yourself and work on your interests. Everything else is 100% bullshit that won't make you an alpha. It will make you an ass-hat. Don't follow his advice! If a dude did that crap to me, I would dump him so fast he would feel like he HAD gotten into a motorcycle accident. As far as how to be a better boyfriend... I personally have always been attracted to men who are: 1. Intelligent 2. Pursue their passions 3. Are interested in me as a whole person, not just as an outlet for sex. 4. Care about themselves and about others 5. Are honest 6. Are protective of me 7. Are constantly working to grow as a person Specifically relating to your situation with you GF. I personally have never had an issue with a guy whining occasionally, as long as it's just occasionally and as long as dude's making some progress and not just re-hashing the same stuff every time I see him. So... Make sure that you're working on yourself. If you're insecure and that's what you're whining about to her, you need to remember that YOU are the only person responsible for your own self-image. She can support you, but ultimately, you need to figure and work that stuff out yourself. Also, if you're talking about yourself all the time, you need to make sure that you're not doing that. Ask about the stuff that she's interested in, be an ear for her from time to time. Basically, to be a good BF, make sure that you're bringing as much to the table as you're taking away and you'll be fine.
If only there was an option for liking a post multiple times Thanks for your input silvaticus. You touched on some of the things I planned on mentioning. And what's even better is that it's coming from a womans perspective. Just very recently I also entered a relationship and I did not think I needed any advice when it comes to being a boyfriend, but you've also pointed out some things that I feel I should work on. @20cents: I really hope that clears things up for you man, especially your thoughts regarding whining. Think about it, regardless of how much you care about someone, the chances are highly likely that if they're whining about the same old shit you're going to get so fed up and that'll put such a tangible strain on the relationship. And if they aren't someone who gets irked at your constant whining, then it's probably because they're exactly the same way. On the other hand though, think about how it would be if you were to whine about something to her and then firmly resolve to do something about it. And once you've started woking on changing the situation, chances are she'll pick up on this and not only admire you for it, but she'll be more eager to support you. Moreover, I think she'll find it quite endearing too. Stay strong. "When the end comes for you, let it find you conquering a new mountain. Not sliding down an old one." -Jim Rohn
Hey 20Cents. I think it's great that you're seeking advice from other people. It shows that you're serious about making things work between you and your girlfriend. I started dating my wife when I was 20 and now I'm 27 and we're still together. Not trying to say I have room to talk about how to be a good boyfriend, but, I am saying that. I think what silvaticus said was really helpful. I noticed that on her list she didn't mention physical attraction but everything listed were personal qualities. In my experience I've noticed it too. Woman are way more forgiving than men and have a tendency to see the good in you. In regard to the honesty issue. Of course, true intimacy is the goal of a relationship. I'm not just talking about physical intimacy, but also emotional intimacy. This means as boyfriends or husbands, we have to be honest. In my experience I've fucked that up so many times, I've lied, and it always comes back to haunt me. The truth eventually comes to light and then you look like a fool and you lose everything. But here's my advice for your particular situation. Even though 3 months is a long time for you, a 3 month relationship is still a very young relationship. If there are emotions and feelings you have that you are embarrassed to talk to her about just tell her that you've only been together for 3 months and you don't feel comfortable talking to her about them yet. Make sure you say that you are super into her and respect her and plan on telling her when you're ready. This way you don't have to lie or open up about feelings you're uncomfortable sharing. Maybe you should share those feelings with a therapist. Anyways, if she cares for you she will respect your boundaries. Just make sure you communicate that you aren't "trying to hide things" but you would just like to take things a little slower. You're still very young and, like you said, learning how to be a man. Start that process now. It doesn't mean that eventually your girlfriend can't help you a long the way. You will need someone that loves you unconditionally and hopefully she does or will. Anyways, sorry this is so long. Good luck. And remember what silvaticus said, if you're giving as much as you're taking you'll most likely be fine.
Jesus Christ. Aside from the fact that you lack self-love and confidence, everything else here is completely wrong. Brutal honesty may not be the right way, but it's better than lying your ass off to get laid and treating women like crap, which is what this dude is doing. The shit he's been pulling is highly manipulative and if you really like and care about this girl, you'll never do it. Because if you do, when she finds out, and she WILL FIND OUT, she'll dump you in a heartbeat. Just don't be an asshole to women like this dude. They deserve to be treated better than most men treat them these days and there's no way you'll ever be in a lasting relationship if you treat girls like this guy does.
Alright now I see a lot of people seem to disagree with me, I don't mind that. But I just want to tell you this, if you are going to take my advice, don't be a dumbass about it. If you can't lie to a woman don't do it, if that is the case the other advices that have been given to you here might be more beneficial for you. But if you got the confidence, social skills, charm, self-love and looking to increase the benefits of a relationship to the fullest, being always 100% honest won't get you there. Those are my last cents on this thread.
Ok I just couldn't let this one go. My relationship sucked because of dishonesty. We nearly divorced because of dishonesty. Being honest is all you have to build trust. Without trust your relationship is crap! Bond is giving you advice based on his experience. If I lied to my husband about a car crash and we had sex afterward why would I draw a conclusion like "lying gets me sex"? Instead I would think "my husband wanted to have sex, so we had sex". The women in his scenario simply wanted to have sex. It had zero to do with the "accident" or being tricked! He could have just bought them all ice cream cones with the same result. Women are like that. Sometimes they want sex and sometimes they don't. We are humans. PUA's have somehow connected it to specific magic tricks....like lying about a motorcycle accident or being "alpha". Other than this I agree with everything Silvaticus and the others have said
Apparently your husband suck at being dishonest or you suck at it, or whoever was dishonest in that relationship, not me. It does not make my advice bad just because your husband could not lie to you properly or whoever was dishonest. Yes I am speaking from my experience and not some book I've read. I'm not into the PUA thing either, if you want something and being honest does not get what you want than lying is the best solution if you're good at it. Being precieved as masculine by your woman helps way more than being precieved as feminine so that motorcycle accident lie is a great way to look more masculine, than let say if I tell her that I get panic attacks if I don't get to eat ice cream on saturdays etc. That will make you look like a wussbag. Let 20cents make his own decision what works right for him, I'm just saying what works for me. I said what had to be said, I'm off this political correct thread.
I think my point is why not just BE more masculine? Why pretend to own a motorcycle and lie about it? I mean isn't your gf going to find out that you don't own a bike? I think lying is the absolute antithesis to masculinity. A masculine man owns his shit. ALL of it. He doesn't lie to pretend he is something he is not. Anyway just my opinion of course.
You're a jerk. And you're also a fool if you think lying or pretending you're something you're not is a long term answer. I don't know if you're serious with some of the nonsense you post in these forums, or whether you're just a troll. But you're not a good person and I hope you either get serious about this or get lost.
I do own a motorcycle. You don't assume I'm naive enough to lie about a motorcycle accident when I don't even own one? That would've been pretty stupid and risky. Credible lies are not made of air.
James Bond- Everyone has different points of view... why don't we all just agree to disagree. Everyone is entitled to an opinion This site is for recovery, not to pick fights with people. Good luck on what you are trying to achieve.
Does it really matter? This isn't a dick waving contest to see who has the more girlfriends and who has cooler stuff. We are here to help someone who made a thread because he asked for help. Not a story from some asshole who can't keep it in his pants, although you are right about self love. You have to learn to love yourself, before you can love others. Being insecure is probably one of the most reaccuring things with fapstronauts. I too understand. I've never been in a long term relationship until currently. 1 and a half years. It's all about trusting the other person to not judge you and accept you for who you are. Don't ever change yourself for someone else. Do it for you if anything. I really suggest trying to talk to her about it. Who knows, she might just like you the way you are. Good luck 20cents
The most impressive thing a man can ever show is his passion and dedication for his goals* Which ironically a women finds most impressive in a man Now coming to the goals,first u have to do a SWOT analysis of ur self SWOT :strength,weakness,opportunity,threats Be clear about yourself,get in touch about who u truly are ,u have to flex ur emotional and self-awareness' muscles for it ,increase self talk ,mediation Once u do SWOT analysis.. Set some goals . Like 1)physical's :better and healthy body ,do some swimming,aerobics,workout,mixed martial arts MMA,taekwondo,dance,lift some weights,cycling .. Take up one of these sport .. And play some competitive matches ,play from ur school ,inter college,university,it will make u competitive 2)emotional : Join a social camp ,like a blood donation camp ,support the orphans,do art of living ,host an event ,learn a musical instrument ,this will make u more compassionate,greater empathy,less insecured,since u will build contacts through this social activities 3)hobbies ursue some hobby .. If ur from IT/COMP background then learn some coding ,HTML,CSS,JSCRIPT,PHP,WordPress,web design ... This will boost ur self esteem and self worth .. As it will increase ur professional skills ... , Hope this helps brother P.l :sorry for bad English
