The Four Agreements

Has anyone else read this book by Miguel Ruiz? I don't want to give it a review here, but it really speaks to me and I find it interesting. It's quite short and I am reading it for the second time now. Basically, the author explains how we can escape the hell we have created for ourselves here on earth. I want to talk about the first agreement, which is to be impeccable with your word. As he says, this is the most important one, and also the hardest to accomplish. He is so right, as I have been trying to manage this first agreement and it is very, very hard for me. To be impeccable with your word really means to be ultra careful of what you say, sort of what many of us have learned, or at least heard, in childhood: If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all! The power of speech is what sets us apart from other life on earth, and it is very powerful. If my speech is ruled by an emotion such as frustration or resentment. I really come off sounding very badly.

To put it to practical use. No matter how angry my wife is with me, no matter how insulting and hurtful she can be with her words, I don't lash back out at her with my own hurtful words. Even if I am frustrated at something she has done, I find the proper words and way to express it. Try it, it's not easy.

And guess what? It works!!

 

The space between....I like that. I think it means the mindfulness, the reflection you might have between the first thought and the immediate impulsive reaction you might have to it. It's the second thoughts which might better allow yourself to see the future consequences of what your first thought/action might lead to.

 

So far we've only been talking about reaction, which is good, for using the word impeccably can make you immune to the emotional poison spread by others. The opinions of others is only based on their point of view, their beliefs, and not necessarily true. The first agreement is based on being able to love yourself, for if you love yourself you will recognize the opinions of others as just that and your mind will not be receptive to negative ideas and you don't react negatively.

However, just as important, if you love yourself you will use that energy to spread love instead of harm and fear. And then, as the theory goes, you will receive in return love and gratitude. But I can tell you that it still upsets me greatly if I'm kind and loving to someone only to receive nastiness, or even indifference, in return. That's very hard for me to deal with, it hurts me and so then I give up.

 

I suppose that is true. I think that deep down we all desire to be loved and, perhaps selfishly, if we demonstrate love and affection at some point we would like to receive that in return as well. We do expect it, and maybe some people NEED it more than others because they are lacking in self-love. And if you are not getting the love you expect and desire in one quarter you will point your love into another corner in hopes of better results. Maybe giving up is not the right approach. Perhaps the other person is not receptive to your love AT THAT TIME for various reasons, because they are dealing with their own reality which, of course, differs from yours. Perhaps that person has beliefs that you are unaware of which conflict with being receptive to your love. Perhaps the timing is just not right, and at another time you might have better results.

I have enough on my hands trying to change myself without trying to change others