I can't find any title that would be worth what I'm feeling right now.

Hey baes, this is a bit special success story.

I didn't cured ED. I never had PE or whatever. I'm a short young girl that struggled with all the lack of self-esteem a human can live with without succeeding at killing herself twice.

I know this is out of the blue, I know I'm not quite at one year, I know I already wrote two success stories, but I think it's extremely important for me to share what I'm feeling right now.

I'm happy. It's as simple as that. One year ago a couple told me to shot myself in the head because I didn't wanted to show my boobs on a porn site. Would I had a gun, I'd had done it. I was the most self-conscious, disgusting, self-indulgent girl you can ever have a nightmare of.

And today, I reached what was my greatest goal since the beginning. A goal so high, so important, so perfect in its imperfection, that I didn't even imagined that it was possible to achieve.

Today, I accept myself. Very simply, very gently, I recognize myself not only as a human being, but as a human being that deserves to live, and as a great human being. Without any back-thought. Without any rationalization. I feel the best I ever felt, just because I'm happy to be myself. Not because of a singer. Not because I feel the pleasure PMO can bring. Not because my body is hot, not because I'm the most beautiful or the most successful or the most intelligent. Not even because I reached my goals. If you read my journal, these days basically I'm screwing up big, big time.

Because right now, I love myself. I'm a valuable human being. It doesn't mean that progress or self-improvement isn't necessary. I'm simply as grateful for everything that happens to me as possible. It took me 336 days to come here, and all my past, all the self-harm scars, all the self-tattoos, all the shit I've been through, all the doubts.

I feel the best I ever had with my body. I love my imperfections, and I adore the things that are great. I just said it in my journal so sorry if it seems redundant, but I want to emphasize as much as possible on everything that is good in me. My smile is one of the best smiles I've ever seen. I dance exactly like the people that dance in a way that kills me. My haircut is gorgeous. I've made myself, through fire and ashes. I'm funny and I'm not stupid. I'm kind, loving, I refuse to hate anyone, I always forgive and ask for forgiveness, I'm hard-working. I DESERVE TO LIVE.

Now, I for a trazillion percent believe all of this is happening because of NoFap. Why I'm succeeding at NoFap, why I even started it, nothing is important. I quit an addiction, and not an easy one. It was courageous, it was brave, and yes, in the state I am right now, I am proud of it, and even believe that I deserve to be proud of it.

I'm Catholic and I know this is all coming from God. If this is how Paradise tastes like... Then I promise you Jesus, I am never going to stop. I love you man, I'm so grateful for everything you do for me, I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU.

Thank you a cosmic universe for reading this. I am burning with desire that you feel like I'm feeling one day, because believe me, complete fufillment, absolute happiness, ain't nuthin ta fak wid. Seriously I'm feeling so great that it annoys me because I can't find words great enough to describe the gigantic leap I've done in my progress. I want to talkfor ages and ages, explode the 10000 characters limit a hundred times, and it still wouldn't be enough, because at the end of the day it's just a feeling, and the best one in the world. Peace, God bless you all.

 

Thank you much for your comments guys! I'm still feeling amazingly in peace with myself. I think it's forever. Sorry if my message sounded quite weird and incomplete, the state of mind I was in incredibly indescribable, it was unbelievable.

@NoFap AngelAce God bless you brother, thanks for reading my journal, it means the world to me! Care bears of the universe unite!

@Iggy I do! It's the first time I feel confident and accepting and comfortable. To answer your question, I'd say a bit of both I'm working on it since I started NoFap, and actually since end of 2011, when I was suicidal and depressive and got heavy therapy. But definitely, speaking about yesterday, it was an epiphany. I wasn't prepared. I'm behaving really wrong these days, completely at the opposite of my hugest long-term goals, but I can't help but feel an extreme peace of mind, fulfilment, a deep sense of harmony. I noticed this intermittently the past few days, but it hit me like a trunk yesterday evening. I was listening some Lana Del Rey smoking outside, I had the most sloppy clothes ever, and when I came back to my room something happened, I don't know why and I don't care, but basically, the big Revelation. Started dancing in front of mirror and I knew something had happened. I was smiling so hard.

@MlohavaCuna Hope to see you there bro!

 

Thank you so much for your kind words jatar and Scotty! I do am still very happy and at peace. I love your wording Scotty, thank you, it really touches me too. May the odds ever be in your favour guys, God bless you and I wish you a deeply pleasant day.

 

Thank you so much. I found Jesus when I was born, but I avoided him for a long time. Now we get along really well. I hope that too to be honest, I know it's going to be a constant work but I'm confident I'll make it. God bless you have a nice day!