Hey guys, something that really scares me is that i will never fall inlove with a girl.. I've had relationships in the past but they weren't great mainly due to what I think was my porn problem.. I saw women as just objects.. I'm not sure if its my brain tricking me but when I think of a relationship all I see is anxiety and failure.. Its like I'm trying to imagine the feeling of love which obviously is impossible with actually being in love.. I dont know if I have explained this properly lol.. Also my critic and expectations of women is far too high which I've read is related to porn and having unrealistic expectation of women.. Any constructive feedback would be great bros thanks.
Yep, I hear you. The less you PMO, the better it gets. Your brain rewires itself, and you find yourself more comfortable speaking with women, and wanting to go out. It may take a while, but everyday counts.
Another great question I can totally relate to. Now, I've never had a girlfriend, although I've gotten a lot of attention, especially right now. Trouble is, I perceive these to be women of lower attraction. I think 'I'm too good' for them. I've also been on dates with hot women who I was very much attracted to but it never got very far. Now I've gone back and disected all this information and I've come to only one conclusion. It's my personality that sucks, the reasons I do seemingly well with ugly women is because I'm acting in a way where I am myself, I'm not forcing anything and I genuinely don't want to get anything from these women. This is why these women are drawn to me like a moth to flame. When I see a hot woman I act in a non-genuine way. And women can smell this, they can smell my neediness and this repels them. Why? Partly, I think this is due to porn. As my reboot grows longer, I'm doing and experiencing things I've never done before. I talking to any kind of women and I'm finding average women really fucking sexy. Like I'm drawn emotionally, to the way they speak, their kindness and not just by their looks. I honestly think, anyone who has reached their twenties like myself and has never had a girlfriend is odd, it can only be attributed to a toxic personality. I'm looking to lower my standards and let things happen. A couple of months ago when I was PMOing on a daily basis I would have never entertained such an idea. I'm sure if you keep an open mind and stick with this journey you will find the same happiness. Instead of focusing on women, focus on creating the best YOU, you can be and others will be drawn in. Good luck bro.
This resonates with me profoundly. 19 and never had a girlfriend that lasted more than a week. Let's hope this journey can help us all. Good luck to you also.
Good replies, Sean5555 and tweeby. It's called "centerfold syndrome", there are even some books about it. Here the cause is not just porn but any kind of exposure to artificial beauties in TV, ads, magazines, etc. and any fantasizing. Of course, there are some beauties in the real world but they are (1) small percentage to ordinary women, (2) getting much smaller percentage with age, (3) the greater beauty, the less attractive and reliable personality (rule of thumb only!) Avoiding centerfolds will eventually lead to normalization of our expectation. Not sure one has to have a girlfriend just because everybody does.
Great replies guys... I would also like to add as we get older sometimes we can be caught up with the labels we give ourselves. 'There must be something wrong with me because I've never had a girlfriend... My only relationship lasted a few weeks, oh man this sucks!' The truth is, these are labels we give ourselves. If we truly wanted to we could go out and get a girlfriend right NOW, sure she might not be 100% what we're looking but it would be something. Our labels we give ourselves, our thinking patterns are just made-up constructs in our own mind. 'Nofap' I am certain, helps to break down and challenge these limiting self beliefs. Roll on bros.
I resonate with all that has been said above. I have also found that I can easily attract women who I find are not the "standard" which I "should" be able to get (possibly due to porn and media brainwashing). Recently I have been finding I can attract hotter women, but I am still too critical about small things. I am beginning to see that no matter how hot the woman is, I will always find a problem and think there is someone better out there. This I believe is now uncovering a much deeper problem. I was looking at a picture of who i thought was the hottest celebrity and i started to ask myself is she good enough. I am now beginning to see that it is not a problem of high standards, but a combination of low self esteem and a fear of commitment/intimacy/betrayal etc. My awareness of this problem is helping and it is helping to discuss this in a thread. I can see a shift in my mind and hope that we all find the women who will fulfil our physical and spiritual needs.
Same thing here. I dont think it's wrong to have these high standards though since you're only looking into whats best for yourself after going through so much shit. Thats how I feel at least. I just feel like as long as those high standards are realistic with yourself, then you should accept them for what they are. I've dated many women, many great women, but things just never fell into place. The relationships that just happen just because are the best ones you can get into. Best of luck.
Media, Porn and worst of all Escorts have played their part in ruining my perceptions of women. My foremost goal with NoFap is to reboot and get off the Porn. Then ultimately lead a healthy, normal sex life with a partner I can share love with. But finding that person is going to be a tough one. Especially due to the ever apparent fact that regular, real-life girls I see out shopping, in bars, in clubs, anywhere really, can't compare on any physical or sexual level to the Escorts I've had sex with in the past. Flawless looking women purely built for sex, pleasure and total satisfaction. I find myself checking out women and seeing them so below my 'standard' that to just afford them my eye contact is giving them too much. I need to be realistic, humble and less egotistical. I need to see the real qualities in women I meet and find those attractive. The fear is though, that when I make it to point of being with someone, I'll find myself wanting to go back to Escorts because, simply, my broken brain sees them as far superior. And because seeing an Escort is just so easy. I AM HOPING the reboot will take care of those old physical perceptions, the way it handles Porn, and that these issues wont occur.
for many of us this addiction to porn and masturbation is just a result of intimacy desires.. (Not for all though).. sometimes we need to get our morals and personality that we never learned fixed.. Religious views can be of great help.. if not then finding someone to use as role model is important. Your issue is my issue too bro.. But I have gone through so much that I dont feel anything but normal in front of a girl now a days.. (I have lost the will to flirt too but thats because of my addiction to PMO) Women, man and every creature can sense the confidence in a person.. and this confidence can not be faked.. it is something that builds in the inside, in the subconscious.. So by quitting you can build up some confidence in you.. but the main issue here as you have realized might just be your perception of relationships... If you could get into the head of some decent husband or a loving boyfriend, your perceptions would change.. But as that is not possible, the best thing to do might be letting go of the desire to find a women.. for a while.. instead set on a course to understand women.. not to attract or to impress... just to listen to them.. and don't be the one expressing.. just let them express... they might find you boring and get away.. but you already know that right? just accept what you lack.. and dont be afraid that it might show.. but work to improve yourself.. But however these should not be tried before staying without 3-4 months without porn or edging..
I've read your post and thought it would be nice to give an advice. First, I’m sorry to hear about your past failed relationships due to your porn addiction problem. And yes, you are correct. It is your brain which is the reason for having such high expectations when it comes to relationships. The more you get addicted to porn, the higher the expectations you set for yourself. You have this thought that there is never a perfect/ideal woman for you who are as good as the ones you see in the videos you've watched. And this affects your relationships badly, it isolates you from the crowd. I suggest you try to lessen your porn addiction, it doesn't need to be drastic as that is impossible. And as day goes by, you will have lower expectations. It will really be helpful to you and when the right time comes that you overcome your addiction, in case you attempt to change, you will slowly but surely be back in the real world, with real women and real relationships. You will be connected to the human world, the world of imperfections. And you’ll eventually start loving it. Being in love and being loved. It’s the best feeling and it’s your choice whether to start changing your life for the better or make your future relationships worse. Good luck!
