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Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Michael A, May 24, 2015.

  1. Michael A

    Michael A Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone, i'm going to try to write as direct and concise as possible, but my main concern here is with weird fetishes I've developed from porn use.

    I identify as a straight male, only ever having relations with women.
    I started off looking at stills of naked women, then to porn, then to anal, then into abdl (diaper fetish/ageplay), and this eventually lead to femdom and the worst evil on earth "sissy porn".

    This shit fucked my head up. I know i'm straight, I know i'm sexually attracted to women, I know i only want a relationship with a woman, but my sexual thoughts have been brain washed to crave cock, and to jerk off to those thoughts.

    I've tried NoFap, only to have failed many times. Currently i have not orgasmed in about 10 days, and went 10 days without looking at porn before just a moment ago when I looked at some pictures on instagram.

    Basically, I want to know who I am. I don't even know anymore. I need help. How does just not jerking off change your life? The cravings get so intense, then since they are so intense, when I relapse i go straight to something super intense.
     
  2. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    You are not alone in this. For many men, plain vanilla porn escalates to fetishes, some of which are very strange and vile indeed. The porn industry knows this and keeps serving up a steady diet of weirder stuff. It's exactly like softer drugs being the gateways to harder drugs.

    You are also not alone in being straight and having developed a thing for gay porn. That's pretty common. Why else do you think that ads featuring women keep popping up during gay porn? The industry knows that many of the viewers of gay porn are straight. Don't doubt who you are. Take solace in knowledge that there's nothing wrong with the innate you. It's the addiction talking. Stop listening.

    Read, study, learn, follow, and do at NoFap. The answers that you need are there and in associated and linked sources. You're far from the first to go down the path that you describe. I hope that you can be the next to break free and leave it behind.
     
  3. Michael A

    Michael A Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your support.

    I think my biggest challenge in this, is that, my body is designed to be sexual. I'm supposed to want to orgasm. I've abstained for short periods of time, 10 days, 3 weeks, but eventually my body wants to cum so bad that I become restless. The thoughts start to monopolize my life. Eventually I give in, and go straight for sissy porn, or whatever disgusting shit i was looking at when i first started practicing NoFap. I feel like i'm a pendulum swinging between two extremes. How do I get these thoughts to go away? I feel like to rewire my brain, I actually need to cum, but only to normal vanilla sex. Any thoughts on this?
     
  4. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    I'm kinda new at this myself, but the conventional wisdom of NoFap is that a male must lay down the P, the M, and the O for an extended period (such as 90 days) to reboot/rewire his brain and free himself from porn addiction. I know that it's difficult and that it takes time, but this is the place to get the help you'll need to get this done. It's worth it!

    Attitude is the key. I wrote in a reply to another fapstronaut this morning that I love fapping, but I'm also learning to love not fapping--because I've decided to find plenty to love in it. The fruits are undeniable. My motivation in unrelated realms has blossomed, and I'm enjoying the adventure (even though I had two hours of extreme physical yearning for release this morning after being without any urges whatsoever yesterday). That wasn't all bad either. It's one more step down the road. With the right attitude, you can find plenty in NoFap to love.

    When it comes right down to it, porn and fapping are choices. Nobody ever died for lack of either. Not fapping is a choice, too. Make up your mind and do it. When the porn industry begs you to give in and open that sissy porn, tell it "F*** no! I don't do that anymore!" It's all about being stronger than the industry.
     
    TheGhettoLife likes this.
  5. Michael A

    Michael A Fapstronaut

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    Thanks MV. I'd like to share with you some other information about my love life because I think it's all connected to porn.

    When I was 18 I fell in love and dated a girl for about a year at college. I had real sex with her, connected physically, and mentally, and spiritually with her. Definitely the best sex of my life. While the sex was great, it was a chaos of emotions constantly. Lots of fighting but we always made up. When our relationship finally did end for good, the pain was unbearable. It was devastating. I was horribly depressed for about a year. Porn was an escape throughout that depression, I went back to looking at the same stuff i was into before i had a girlfriend.

    After that, I dated another girl for a very short period of time, say a month or 2, who again, I connected with her, mentally, physically, spiritually. The sex was great again. When that ended, again I was heartbroken.

    I haven't had meaningful sex since. I've slept with several girls since, but have not had the connection, and the sex has been lousy. Porn has been better. For a long time it was emotionally painless and physically rewarding, something I couldn't get with real women.

    I know porn has desensitized my brain. I'm alarmed because I know that before porn, I was only attracted to women and now i have strange desires.

    I think a large part of me is scared to get close to someone because of the horrible pain i've experienced. Of course, now porn is preventing me from even attempting it. It's like a fucking conundrum.

    Maybe i'm just fucked in the head to begin with.
     
  6. mv8652

    mv8652 Fapstronaut

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    Your additional explanation correctly diagnoses the problem. It is indeed the porn that's at the root of your troubles. No woman is going to excite you in the same way as the fetish porn to which you've become addicted. You also seem to have a tendency to get into relationships that depress you when they fail; but you should have rebounded from those more quickly if you hadn't been in the grip of the porn. Now, you're ready to turn away from it. If you persevere and make that work, you'll recover. When you do, be mindful that you are subject to depression, so think about choosing a woman with whom you can spend the rest of your life before you get into a sexual relationship with her. ...but then, I'm "old-fashioned."
     

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