Your average abstinent lurker!

GREETINGS!

Not entirely sure how to introduce myself, but here goes. :3

I'm a 26 year old (going on 27 next week) female, who has been toying around with sexual abstinence for 1½ years at this point.

That's 1 year, 5 months and 17 days to be exact. Or 536 days for all you people who like to count days.

My abstinence entails no intercourse, no naked 'heavy petting', no genital contact with anyone but myself. I have, however, cuddled/snuggled (clothed) with three people, kissed and had a voluntary boob slip here and there with one particular guy I dated for about 5 months, last year.

I -DO- masturbate every once in a blue moon, but I do not have any sexual addictions. Masturbation the past few years, has been part of my re-conciliation with my own body; a means to be comfortable with and within myself, and acceptance of the fact that I do have a sexual nature, albeit very dim compared to most other people I know. That said, masturbation is not a craving nor a need and I'm sure I could go years without it. Just really never thought about doing so before I stumbled upon the phenomenon which is NoFap. As a person who loves challenging myself, I have decided to try NoFap, just to see where it takes me.



WHY DID I DECIDE TO BE SEXUALLY ABSTINENT?

Because I realized I had developed a very unfair, unhealthy and detrimental view of men. Specifically, that all men are pigs. I was constantly bitter and annoyed with the fact, that at the end of my teens, I was no longer able to form genuine PLATONIC relations with men. I am, platonically, most drawn to masculine energy and my best friends have always been male, so I'm sure you can understand the frustration that this suddenly wasn't possible anymore, due to sexual tension, society claiming men and women can't be friends, etc.

I began to believe the only way to connect with men as an adult, was by enticing them with sexual suggestion or full blown sexual acts. The few times I actually had sex with men I longed to connect with in every other aspect than sex, I always felt empty and icky afterwards. I felt it was a waste of time, fluids and energy, yet it took me YEARS to realize I don't have to be sexual to form connections with men as an adult - but more importantly, that I don't need men (or anything or anyone else) in my life, to make me feel fulfilled. I'm a strong believer that ultimate love and happiness comes from within. (Thank Buddha for that! ;D )

Anywho~

I decided to call it quits once and for all, and embarked on a no-sex 1 year challenge to rid myself of the social pressure to have sex with everyone I meet; to rid myself of family pressure to find a mate and birth children because "that's just what people do"; end the pressure to find a perfect soulmate partner asap; to stop searching for happiness within other people; to stop the stress of going out to drink with friends while having the pressure and compulsion to find some random dude to make out with; to stop my man-hate; to fix myself and start fresh, and so forth.



WHAT HAVE I GAINED?

C L A R I T Y:
It was difficult to begin with, but after the first few months of odd reactions from peers, the fear of being judged a prude and feeling devalued because I didn't want to give myself to just anybody, I realized how freeing it was to let all that drop. The stress vanished and I was able to focus on having fun with my friends, when going out. I have a better idea of what I want from my relations to other humans and I feel confident, respectful and secure in my interactions with men.

C O N F I D E N C E:
My self-confidence sky-rocketed! I no longer cared about what men or anyone else thought. I was no longer trying to impress anyone. I didn't give a flying dung-beetle if the cute guy was more interested in my friend and I didn't care about the outcome of the "dates" I've been on, ever since. I'm not attached to the idea of having a partner. I know I am whole and full of love already and no one can improve on the power that is the Self, as we are all perfect and whole as we are. True happiness is not out there in the form of another person, a hook-up, porn or even celibacy. But abstinence is a GREAT way to get to know yourself, put your cravings to light and to deal with your personal BS and attachments.

C O N N E C T I O N S:
My relations have greatly improved and I'm out meeting new people without any fear or secret agendas. I am honest and up front about where I'm standing with my abstinence, and through that I was dating a wonderful guy for 5 months and he was very supportive and we just clicked on so many levels, it was insane. Serendipity, indeed! Unfortunately we broke it off this winter because he developed sexual and romantic feelings which I could not reciprocate. Yes, it's kind of ironic, but an experience I wouldn't be without. :3



Anyway, I could keep ranting on and on and on about this topic and my journey, but I don't want to bore you (kudos if you got this far in this wall of text!)

Will I be forever abstinent? Probably not, but the next time I'm going to have sex, it just has to feel natural, "worth it" and with a partner I click with emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. Until then, I'm perfectly content riding solo.

I hope to chat up like minded people for inspiration and mutual support.

Namaste. 8D

 

Thanks for taking the time to read my rant and thank you for the warm welcome. :3