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Yo what's up team, y'all got another newbie

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by LyinWithJohn, Jun 26, 2017.

  1. LyinWithJohn

    LyinWithJohn Fapstronaut

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    Hello my name is John and I'm an addict
    *All* Hello John

    I've been masturbating ever since seventh grade when my Heath class introduced the idea to me. Before that video, I hadn't truly thought of my penis as a reproductive organ, just something to remove waste, but from that evening on (I waited till I was home and alone first) my life has been on a 7 year spiral downward.

    The first video, and I remember this vividly, was an ameture striptease. After watching I feel like I was going to vomit with shame for delving into something so taboo. Now, not only am I unreasonably comfortable watching even absurdly offensive porn, but sometimes even that takes a lot of work to give me an erection (and I virtually can't get hard without porn).

    Ultimately, I believe I have an unhealthy psychological dependency on porn. For me, with high stress comes high porn use, but the masturbation takes up time and leaves me too relaxed to work productively, thus making a viscous cycle. On top of that, when I try and quit my motivation fades too quickly (sometimes in a matter of hours).

    Philosophically I do not object to porn anymore. If people feel that that's what they want, then that's their choice as a consenting adult.
    I, on the other hand, have had enough.
    I want to rid myself of this life-derailing leech and finally get my life in order.
    I want to not have my sleep habits determined by my wifi connection.
    I want confidence that if I become intimate with someone, that my 'performance' won't be determined by when I had wifi last.
    I want to be able to work through stressful situations in a productive way, without having the rest of my night devoted to pornhub.

    Most of all, I want control of my life. I want my decisions to be made by me, not my penis.

    I come here realizing that maybe I can't do this alone. I absolutely hate being vulnerable, but I've been trying to quit since year 3 and going four years with a personal best of 3 weeks isn't good enough for me. The truth is, if I really want to get through this I'm probably gonna need help and that means I'll have to swallow my pride and ask for it.
    So let me introduce myself again:
    Hello my name is John and I need help
     
  2. LyinWithJohn

    LyinWithJohn Fapstronaut

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    Sit when I get going I don't stop lol. Sorry for the lengthy post
     
  3. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story.

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  4. NYLAWGUY

    NYLAWGUY Fapstronaut

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    Wow man. It takes a lot to open up like that. I can relate on many levels. I'm looking for some good Accountability Partners. People who will be on here and communicate regularly. If you want to be an AP's I am interested. I think we could communicate and help each other out. Let me know. Good luck and stay strong.
     
    Sapharian likes this.
  5. LyinWithJohn

    LyinWithJohn Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure I could swing being an accountability partner to be honest. I have a busy life (which seems to be a good thing for quitting) and I often am unable/ completely forget to respond to even normal conversations. On top of that I have trouble being emotionally close to people or vulnerable in any way (even to my girlfriend) so jumping right into that much overwhelm me too much. The biggest reason I even joined is because I've just gotten so frustrated up until now that I was about to boil over and I wanted to focus my energy in something productive rather than just lying awake in a tent thinking too much about a past I can't change.
    I think for now I'm going to stick to just knowing that I'm part of a community of people who will help support me if I start to stumble, and that if I see someone struggling in the same way I can try and help them, too. Anything more than that might cause an emotional overload
     
    NYLAWGUY likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    HappyDaysAreHereAgain likes this.
  7. Sapharian

    Sapharian Fapstronaut

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    Welcome John! You are in the right place.
    Keep up with your resolution. Better versions of Us are waiting to be unleashed. Pornography, on the other hand, cages our motivation and mental powers. It deflates and corrupts. We want connection to people and not wi-fi connections.
    Be active here and read what the site offers. You will surely benefit. Best wishes @LyinWithJohn
     
  8. NYLAWGUY

    NYLAWGUY Fapstronaut

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    All good John. Stay strong bud. Keep coming on.
     

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