Yet Another Porn Widow (my journey)

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by alphazingersalsa, Jul 8, 2019.

  1. SirErnest

    SirErnest Fapstronaut

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    A very honest and revealing post.
    You're doing rather well, all things considered, and you rightly want to put your children first.
    You'll be ok.
     
  2. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Technically the sound relationship advice is that spouses should put each other first, even slightly above the children (that doesn't mean to neglect them), however, that only applies to very healthy and committed relationships where both spouses are totally committed to each other...
    I agree that in this situation, with an addicted an unstable SO, it's better to put the welfare of the affected spouse and the child first.
     
  3. Queenie%Bee

    Queenie%Bee Fapstronaut

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    MOST of us SO , have put the relationship first . Facilitating an ever lasting love , while sharing that same abundance to the children . The second part of your post is more accurate. If he chooses not to work on himself , then there really cant be any work on the “ us “ . Hence the SO puts on her oxygen mask first , then saves the children lol ♥️.
     
  4. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Definitely..a healthy marriage needs the two sides to give 100% which is messed up when one side is not contributing.
     
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  5. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    God. (If you are a believer)
    Spouse
    Children

    The ideal hierarchy. I totally agree.

    But to my hub clearly
    Its

    His porn
    His d!ck
    Himself

    So, might as well put myself and my kid. I cant fill from
    An empty cup.
     
    hillmountain likes this.
  6. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    He’s been unusually cordial. Nice even. Not his usual closed-off defensive self. Maybe it’s because the
    Divorce Papers Will Be filed officially soon - or maybe he’s had some from
    Ms. [email protected] I dunno.

    I see all that will potentially happen. We live in perhaps the most expensive region in the country. I don’t see how he will survive in the long run. Not even with the proceeds From the sale of our home!

    Having to live for the rest his life away from his daughter? Missing a milestone or two? Missing a recital
    Or a victorious game? Risking that possibly one day she will
    Look up
    To another man and consider him “dad” because
    He was present?

    Is that all worth it for the price of “freedom”? Freedom from what? MY negativity, MY control. Freedom to
    oogle at those chunky big breasted women? Freedom to
    Walk around with busty Ms. [email protected] and canoodle with her and live out his big busted chubby woman fetish? Freedom to finally book an escort?!

    I know one day I will be okay. Our daughter will grow to be a fine, strong woman. What about him? Will he spend the rest of his life fapping?

    What if the novelty of big busty Ms. [email protected] is done? On to the next fantasy ?
     
    HeartBrokenAndScared likes this.
  7. I am missing something. Who is Ms. [email protected]? Was this a real person? These men kill me with the stuff they become obsessed with. Come on...big busted chubby women?! Are you for real? Whatever happened to looking at the woman next to you and thinking, "wow, of all the people in the world, she chose to be with me" let me bask in that glow a bit.
     
  8. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    She’s the coworker he’a been texting. Im convinced she’s the AP. He gave her a gift last Christmas with a note: “ i know you want a puppy and this is one you don’t need to puppy sit...Merry christmas, silly!! Grr grr!” He gave her a throw pillow with a photo of the dog she likes. He says it meant nothing since there is nothing sexual or no i love yous. Really?!

    I even told his mom about this and she said..What’s so wrong about giving gifts to coworkers?! ‍♀️

    She happens to be chubby with big breasts. 10 years younger too.

    PMO hub likes to watcg badd angel in youtube. Essentially slutty nobodies who tries on clothes for plus sized women. He says he’s allowed to watch that because it’s “not porn”. LOL

    Why do I find this humorous now?!
     
  9. Well honestly, it is a bit humorous. In all honesty, it's good to find some humor in it. My friend and I were talking about giving my partner a nickname the other day and we decided on Donald. LOL! He is not a fan of Trump to say the least but seems to me they have the objectifying women thing in common!!

    Out of curiosity, what did you get for christmas? Was it as thoughtful as that? On the mother in law note, mine told me that watching P is normal and that I need to not worry over that. Also, that I should be in counseling also. I don't like to blame but geez, maybe if you had sat him down in his teen years to talk about this we wouldn't be here right now. I would not be happy over the gift either! Did he give out any other gifts to coworkers?
     
  10. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    He didn’t give me and our daughter anything

    He told his mom he did BUT he only got his secret santa a gift. Duh.

    His excuse to me was: “she gave me a tub of ice cream”

    Im floored. Does he really think I’m that stupid or is he that stupid??
     
  11. Well wow. Just wow.
     
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  12. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Coming from a Law and Order SVU Junkie SO...

    Sometimes, I wish he does something illegal and gets caught. Kiddie porn? Solicitation? Get caught in a brothel/massage parlor sting? Something that will force this dirty little secret out in the open...To his family and friends.

    “Porn addiction” When you disclosed this to your friends and family, did they laugh thinking you were making it up? Did some think that was not even a legit reason? Because I feel
    Judged as silly for disclosing this. It sounds so trivial to an outsider. Frankly, if I was clueless I’d probably respond the same way to a friend. “Porn addiction - is that even a thing?! All men do that!!”

    If it’s so “trivial” then why has he lied to me about it for 15 years? If it’s not an “issue” why did he not share this “hobby” with me? If it’s “just porn” then why am I triggered by busty women in high rise jeans and crop tops? If it’s not a “problem” then why are there over 100 porn videos stored in our synology drive?

    If it’s not a problem, then why didnt he want to have sex with me? Why does he have PE/ED just few years shy of
    40 when he’s otherwise healthy?

    If it’s not a problem - why is he choosing this over his DAUGHTER.
     
  13. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    Unfortunately that sentiment you expressed is true... Even in the medical field, there is as yet no recognition that porn can be a destructive and addictive thing....
    That sentiment you expressed is unfortunately true in the modern world... anything I showed my friends about harms of porn and all of it is laughed off as just religious nonsense...I tried to convince my friends to give up porn, so that id have some company during my reboot and an accountability partner, not to mention the benefits they would get, and almost no one is interested in giving up porn, and they all think I'm joking...
     
  14. hillmountain

    hillmountain Fapstronaut

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    There are many reasons for that, such as the breakdown of sexual values, the normalization of pornography (remember, in the past, porn was something taboo and frowned upon by general society as compared to today when nearly every movie has some kind of pornographic scene) mainly thanks to people like Hugh Hefner and his Ilk... And the sad state of modern day relationships... Nowadays it seems people get into relationships mainly for the thrills and "tingles" rather than out of a desire for true love for the other...
     
    Last edited: Jul 18, 2019
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  15. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    I hope I can write a much longer post about the mind of a PA as one in recovery... I think even a q&a thread for so’s might provide insight... I’m on hard mode nofap while I’m single and living on my own and have not had anyone confront me about this nor has it damaged a relationship ‘recently’... Doing nofap has been so amazing and made me realise that if you only reserve your own sexual arousal exclusively for your SO what an amazing relationship you will have... The PA unfortunately thinks he has 1 million girlfriends online that he has sex with on demand and those girlfriends give him pleasure and don’t have any of these ‘demanding needs’ or boundaries or need for trust or loyalty... And a lot of them are naturally sexy and beautiful so PA starts to resent SO big time and his voice says ‘look at all her demands but she is getting older etc while <insert pornstar here> is so sexy and gives me immense pleasure’.. Sadly this is all fake but the addicted mind can’t unravel this...
     
  16. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    Even more sad is that a lot of the porn stars online have miserable drug riddled lives may even be dead or in ruins themselves... but the videos won’t show you the back story
     
    hillmountain likes this.
  17. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    This is twisted thought in my head: That woman on screen is someone’s daughter. DAUGHTER. He has a daughter.
     
  18. alphazingersalsa

    alphazingersalsa Fapstronaut

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    Maybe you should start a thread: Fappening now (lol): Ask an Addict. I have tons of questions. Haahha
     
  19. testwarz

    testwarz Fapstronaut

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    I probably will.. but it will be notfappening now haha
     

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