Wow, I didn't think I was that bad before... need help ASAP

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by BennyLow78, Apr 10, 2016.

  1. BennyLow78

    BennyLow78 Fapstronaut

    273
    153
    43
    Hey, my name is Ben, I’m 19, male and I just found out I really need to stop.

    So basically, I heard that stopping masturbation can be a good way to increase pleasure during sex. I thought I didn’t really have a problem. It’s just a thought that never really occurred to me before. I thought it was quite normal, until I read other people’s posts, saying that they masturbated up to twice a day. Personally, I usually do it between 3-6 times a day, every day. I read the addiction symptoms of pornography, and most of them fit me. I find it sometimes painful and it usually makes me late to stuff. I’ve been late to exams and other important things because of it. So because of this sudden shock, I’ve decided to have the full reboot, I think I need it.

    I started when I was about 13/14 and started on porn about a year later. There was a time I remember where I just wasn’t getting as much of a thrill out of it as I did, so I masturbated harder and more often and it’s sort of spiralled out of control from there. I have tried to reduce it a few times, but I usually give up after about 2 days. Now I'm at that stage that I just do it because it's what I have done for so long.

    I have been feeling a bit low about being me, just at 19, I saw myself in a better condition than I actually am. I’ve never had any kind of relationship, I’ve been on dates but it hasn’t worked out. So I’m doing a reboot on my life too, I’ve joined a gym and am trying to get generally better at being a person.

    The only issue is, I don’t really know how to do this reboot thing. I’ve read things about cold showers, wet dreams, spending ages at the gym (which is a no no in my state of no fitness at all, seriously I can’t bike for 5 minutes), watching porn, not watching porn… So really, I need some advice on where to start and what I should do.

    Anyone have any suggestions? (So pleased that I found this website)
     
  2. DocZhivago

    DocZhivago Fapstronaut

    594
    663
    93
    Great to have you here! I guess first, you need to figure out what your goals are, because that will then determine how you get there. Are you looking to decrease M or stop it altogether? Or is M OK in your book but no P? Or are you trying to go NO PMO at all? Are you doing it for your health, or for future sexual pleasure, or for some other reason?

    Whatever the case, I would say set a goal for yourself that is difficult but doable. Don't say, "OK, I'm never going to fap for the rest of my life." Clearly, that's an unobtainable goal. Maybe, the goal could be, "I am going to avoid P or P-substitutes like Tindr for the next week. I'm also going to avoid M for three days." If you hit those goals, then great for you! If you found it too easy, then set the bar higher, like no P or Psubs for two weeks and no M for one week. if you barely made the goal, and you want to do more, just restart the counter for the goal. Ultimately, all of our lives are lived one day at a time. So, TODAY, you can make the decision to keep your commitment.

    if you don't have a counter, click on mine and download your own. It can be helpful to see the bar creep across the screen. Cheers!
     
    BennyLow78 and oreogirl like this.
  3. oreogirl

    oreogirl Fapstronaut

    571
    1,603
    123
    Go for it, your brain has been conditioned to crave porn at an addictive level, don't let it control your life. it is very isolating, and time can spin out of control. Watch the TED talks on porn, you can link to them through the website yourbrainonporn.com
    I find the science behind it fascinating, and it can help you get clear on why you want to stop the PMO cycle.
    My husband has just started his first reboot, 23 days in, and he feels more alive then he has in years. He has been addicted to porn longer then you have been alive... If this old dog can learn new tricks so can you.
    If you are not in shape, walk, go out and look at the stars with friends, do the couch potato to 5k training, you will be running 3 miles in a row by summer. Good luck
     
    BennyLow78, DocZhivago and Shady1 like this.
  4. BennyLow78

    BennyLow78 Fapstronaut

    273
    153
    43
    Wow, thanks guys!
    in my book, M and P are both ok in my book. I just want to stop doing it for future sexual pleasure and just to prove to myself that I do have some will power over this.
    yes I am currently doing the couch potato t 5k, it's nice and easy but I hope it works, it was recommended to me so fingers crossed!
    (and yes it is a proper good film, "baby steps around the room!" hahaha)
     
    Shady1 and oreogirl like this.
  5. oreogirl

    oreogirl Fapstronaut

    571
    1,603
    123
    I did couch potato to 5k, and when I started I couldn't run a 1/4 mile without stopping. Now, 7 years later, my long run once a week is 7-9 miles, it is such a rush. It is a great program, and add the push-ups after your runs, I started doing 2 girl push-ups but built up to 15 regular ones. There is something bad ass about push-ups so do them, it will make your running stronger. Keep your head up.
    Also, I agree in principle that there is nothing wrong with P and M, but like all good things, over indulging can lead to addiction for some people. Addiction sucks, and can haunt you the rest of your life, be careful!
     
  6. DocZhivago

    DocZhivago Fapstronaut

    594
    663
    93
    I was talking to a friend last night about P and M. He does both and has no probs with it. He watches P for the three minutes he faps, gets done, puts everything away, and goes on with the rest of his day. He is in an almost sexless marriage, and he uses that to keep the pipes clean.

    I, however, can't seem to do that. I SAY I'm going to watch 10 min of P while I fap, but that becomes more than two hours, and I don't get enough sleep. I wake up late, don't have time to exercise, am not functioning at 100%, and I'm cranky. Because I'm cranky, I want to fap that night to relieve stress. Then I think watching P will help me get there quicker. Then the whole cycle starts all over again. What a waste of time and energy.

    I'm not sure I can say P has any redeeming qualities. The jury is out for M in my mind. There are some who can enjoy the pleasure of M for it's own merit, in moderation, and not have it affect one's life. There are others who can't and M leads to PMO, or death grip syndrome, or PIED, or DE, or any number of other issues. That is for each person to decide.

    I think it's like alcohol. No one NEEDS alcohol. ONe can go their entire life w/o alcohol. But drinking can be fun, and the majority of people drink responsibly. But there are people who cannot stop at one drink, and alcohol leads to severe consequences. Ultimately, you need to decide for yourself where you stand on the whole thing and how much of your time, effort, and energy you're willing to give to the pursuit of sexual gratification. Yes, sex is nice and fun, and O's feel great. But here is so much more to life than sex. I'm on a journey to rediscover that part of life that I've been missing b/c I've been overly focused on sex. I welcome you to join me on the journey! Peace, FPDoc
     
  7. Rav70

    Rav70 Fapstronaut

    967
    913
    93
    I wonder why your friend is in a sexless marriage. ?
     
  8. DocZhivago

    DocZhivago Fapstronaut

    594
    663
    93
    Long story which is his to tell, not mine. There are many sexless marriages out there for various reasons. Ultimately, everyone has their life to live, and life is full of choices, some of them difficult. P and M feel great. But I'd rather have honest, real connections with people than deriving my pleasure from pixels on a screen.
     
  9. oreogirl

    oreogirl Fapstronaut

    571
    1,603
    123
    P may feel great, but it is full of harmful messages, and very degrading to women. When I think about my kids watching it I am full of sadness. I have watched a bit of the free videos available on the Internet, and I am distressed at the violence and disregard it portrays toward women. I don't want my daughter to internalize that she should be treated that way, and I don't want my sons to think that passionless sex is all there is out there for them.
    What P has increasingly missed out on over the years is the breathless, sweet, connecting that is such a big part of sex. And I think young men especially are really getting that, and they want something more.
    So when I say I don't feel there is something wrong fundamentally wrong with P, I do have a problem with modern streaming P that is prevailing today. Really think about the people in those videos as people, it might change how you view it.
     

Share This Page