Would you date yourself?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Issah, Apr 14, 2019 at 5:56 PM.

  1. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    I love this question because it got me thinking.. We can be so fixated on how we expect everybody else to treat us and have all these benchmarks that we want everybody else to meet but do we even tick our own boxes?

    This is the notion of having standards that we are also striving to live up too. Of being that which we desire in others, expecting that which we also bring to the table (or are atleast working towards).

    And not only in romantic relationships but in all our interactions.

    If you are a sharer it would be nice to hear what youd like to have in someone (romantic/friends/even from relatives) and how you plan on being that or showing that to a greater degree.

    I'll try and share traits as I think them. Maybe after a few days or once a week/month - we'll see..

    Anyway heres a trait:- I like being made to feel special, and small courtesys warm my heart, but when I'm dealing with others I can be distracted and self absorbed sometimes, especially if I'm close to someone or used to them. So yah I'll try and be kinder and more considerate this week, I'll work on showing thoughtful gestures and focusing when someone speaks to me instead of getting irratated or impatient - like I usually do with those closest to me.

    But also if someone acts in an inconsiderate or unkind way I'll try and call them out in a tactful maybe playful way as well that way what I'd like from others can be communicated... Balance.
     
  2. 3rd1

    3rd1 Fapstronaut

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    No, I am too self centered, selfish, lazy, argumentative, boastful. I want someone who likes to cuddle and have fun, but a relationship that does not become mutual reliant. What I mean by that is someone who is not needy. 'You have to pay attention to me for me to be happy, you need to come do what I want to do with me at the cost of your own interest' I see a lot of the opposite in myself, I am interested in what I want to talk about so I don't care what you are talking about so lets just talk about what I want to talk about and you just hover there waiting for me to stop because I don't care if you have to poop, I am not done running on about what I want to talk about, and no we can't go do what you want because I want us to do this instead.

    Actually now that I think about it, I see a lot of the same in my Dad, he has an idea, so he sort of holds you captive and talks about it, (for the feeling of importance). Not that he wants any input, just a pat on his ego. He can never explain something simply, he always has to go in depth until he feels like it is all explained, even if the explanation is not relevant at all.

    A much better way would be to briefly mention a subject you are interested in, quick five or ten word summary or explanation, and if someone is interested or wants more information (they almost never do) then you have an engaging conversation answering their questions, you stop when they are loosing interest (if you stop a little before they loose interest it becomes a good way to get contact information, "Hey, how can I reach you? We can catch up some time and talk more about x, or whatever you want."). With my dad I find myself looking away, trying to break contact a lot, because he doesn't express much interest in what I want to talk about, and he keeps running on about things I don't care about or find relevant, I am walking away and he says hold on, let me show you this video, so I am obliged to stand there uncomfortably for who knows how long.

    People are interested in what they are interested in, yeah I want to feel cool and have someone give me a listening ear and talk about how cool it is I am interested in x, as I share every good point of x for minutes at a time, but the reality is that they don't care 99.999% of the time about my latest hobby, or my new stuff, or my feelings, they want the same thing that I want, someone to listen to them and boost their ego as they talk about themselves and their interests. (So be an approving wall to talk to and they will love you)

    So bottom line, a relationship that their feels no obligation for either to waste time listening to or doing irrelevant things, basically either can say in a less blunt way "I am not interested in that, lets find something we are both interested in, or go do our own thing"
    -Wants to be with me, and I want to be with them
    -No pressure to do unwanted things in order to please the other
    -Both benefit from the relationship

    I don't think I would make a good married man with this list, yes I want to be caring, loving, cuddly, but I feel no responsibility to deal with someone else's bs, My life comes first, if they want to come along, or if I want to go along with them then that is great.
     
    Issah likes this.
  3. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    yah i would probably, i know that with the right companion i could accomplish a lot more.
     
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  4. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    Lol bet you had so much fun writing such a frikken long text. Point taken :)

    Anyway I'm sure working on ourselves instead of focusing on how everybody else can improve will make us happier and more fulfilled. Hopefully.
     
  5. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha.
    Hahahaha.
    AHAHAHAHAHA.
    HAhahaha.
    Hahahaaaa.
    Haaaaa.
    No.
     
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  6. Jon_Stark

    Jon_Stark Fapstronaut

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    I would date myself, yes.
     
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  7. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    :)

    Improvement is possible. With time you can change into someone you'd like to be with.
     
  8. TwelveFoot

    TwelveFoot Fapstronaut

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    No, that would be gay. (No offense, I'm just joking)

    This question or some variant of it has crossed my mind before and is something I try to keep in mind. Can't expect the other person to put in all the effort and solve all your problems. I think I would date myself.
     
  9. I think I have a lot to offer. I'm kind, thoughtful, and caring. But I can also be far too self-absorbed and I'm crippled by self-doubt and self-loathing, which I think frustrates as I constantly seek reassurance or drift away due to worry/fear. I suppose the solution here is to be more compassionate with myself, because if I love myself then I can properly love others.
     
    Last edited: Apr 17, 2019 at 10:59 AM
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  10. TheSuperMan

    TheSuperMan Fapstronaut

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    LOL. Don't forget narcissistic...
     
  11. TheSuperMan

    TheSuperMan Fapstronaut

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    That would be a big fat no from me. Good idea for a thread. Very humbling. If I could finally overcome this addiction, though, that would be a different story. Not using P or M would probably put you light years ahead of like 99% of the male population.
     
    Issah likes this.
  12. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

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  13. wethebest

    wethebest Fapstronaut

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    ^if people could understand but they can't bc I'm misunderstood. Oh well..
     
  14. Artifical intelligence

    Artifical intelligence Fapstronaut

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    Very good question!
    I have not yet reached my goals how i wanna feel and look.
     
    Issah likes this.
  15. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    If I liked me that much I would just buy a full body mirror.
     
  16. Successwithin

    Successwithin Fapstronaut

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    I'd love to date myself.

    Going to first date to watch some movie, the main character saving the world (makes anyone hard)
    eating some popcorn, then finally the movie is over (thank god).

    Asking "can I come over", things escalating quickly. Being in front of bathroom mirror, looking myself, and thinking "am I actually doing this with this lad..?".

    In bedroom pulling the pants off, feeling 100% awkward with this guy.. Then all of sudden. Whooooom in a blink of an eye

    No urges. Only discipline.

    I realise that I've been on deep meditation for 1-hour now.

    Going outside to remember, I'm in tibet, I've become a fucking monk, and this is just a beginning of this journey. :D
     
  17. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    Lol :) the mirror only reflects what you look like I'm talking about liking who you are, which is something most of us struggle with.

    @TheSuperMan I'm not encouraging narcissism just knowing where we can improve in our interactions with others.
     
  18. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    Yes exactly. And it's not an easy mental shift cos it would be so great if everyone around us just showered us with all the love and support and didn't expect nothing in return, but unfortunately that's not how relationships work. Internal work and external effort is needed.

    But we will be okay. Baby steps.
     
  19. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

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    Me too hey, is there anything that's been helping you a bit with that?
     

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