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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Aug 26, 2017.
Well the person who posted this initially has not commented or liked any post since then.
@CassTeaElle has it exactly right. The question posted in this thread was "Would you ever date a cam girl?"
The fact is that every human being has the right to be as discriminating as they want about who they date--even down to the most brutally superficial detail. If people choose not to date camgirls because they feel like the behavior is out of their moral boundaries, that's their right, and it's morally wrong to condemn them for having standards.
Their standards are different than yours? Fine. Let it go.
Freakin thank you.
I'm commenting now Sorry I have this tendency to start threads with the intention of coming back and commenting but get busy or forget. I also tend to overthink my post sometimes and that further delays my responses. There was one thread I replied to it about 3 months later I still plan to reply to the Conservative/Liberal and Song of Songs thread someday. I see that feminist thread got deleted before I had the chance to view the responses to my post
No, I didn't start it to 'stir the pot', it was partly out of curiosity and real events.
Today I deleted my account for a particular cam site. It was stupid to sign up in the first place but it's what happened. I got speaking with one girl on there and she started asking me questions about life and started telling about things going on with her. Then asked for my Skype but I couldn't remember it since I hardly use Skype. But I did give her my Kik but she hasn't contacted me, and really I'm glad because I actually started to regret it the next day. Really I think she was just after my money but I admit I started to feel sorry for her for she said she was a single mother, I mean what can I say I feel compassionate sometimes.
I admit I'm intrigued by what would cause someone to be a cam girl. Who is that person? Why are they doing it? Are they hiding it from their family or have no problem with them knowing? I watched this one documentary about someone who was a cam girl who used to work in an office but got bored and started camming. Eventually she quit her office job and cammed full time. She claimed she earned more money and had more fun than her previous job.
On the other hand I read some reviews on a job website on working for a particular site cam site, and all the reviews said they only did it because they were desperate. So I think these sites have a mixture of people. Maybe she was telling me the truth and I've misjudged her. I can't know for sure what was going on with her.
But I also wonder what I would do if I got in a relationship with someone who used to or still does camming. Am I really in a position to judge such a person when I've contributed financially to those sites? Could I really justify breaking up with someone over that when I've been addicted to porn? Isn't it a case of me trying to remove the splinter from her eye when I've got a plank in my own eye? And then once you've removed the plank do view those with splinters differently?
I mean I've seen some fapstronauts say they hate porn star but there would be no porn stars if there were no one watching porn. It's a case of supply and demand. If we demand it, it will be supplied. I'm not saying I'm better than other fapstronauts but I don't see how can I complain about the existence of porn stars or cam girls.
I would much rather be in a relationship with someone who had nothing to do with porn or web cams, but I would rather be with someone who's been humbled by a porn addiction, than be with a self-righteous bitch who looks down on everyone who doesn't doesn't conform to her level of morality.
Yeah, that was a shame... lots of good discussion deleted for no reason.
It's not a matter of judging her... it's a matter of choosing not to date her. I don't understand why people keep conflating these things. You don't need to have feelings of judgement for someone in order to say "I don't want to date someone who has different values than me." And if you believe porn is harmful and are trying to quit, that's much different than someone who is currently working as a cam girl. To choose not to date that person isn't to say you think you're better than them. But you're at a different place in life. Yes, you used to contribute to those sites, but now you recognize that it's harmful and are trying to change, whereas she is not trying to change and doesn't recognize anything wrong with what she's doing.
Yes, you do. You view them with more compassion and understanding, because you've been there. Your heart aches for them when you see them falling down a trap you fell down, without believing that it is even a trap. But that doesn't mean you need to date them.
I agree. But again... this conversation isn't about whether or not you should feel justified to hate cam girls. It's about whether or not you should feel justified to not date them. No to the former, yes to the latter.
See, but this is a completely different type of person than what you've been describing. Someone who is currently working as a cam girl is probably not someone who has been "humbled by a porn addiction." Girls on this site are those types of girls. Ex-cam girls are those types of girls. And maybe a few who are currently working are struggling with getting free. But it really depends on their motivation and reason for having that job. If they have no problem with it and aren't trying to stop, then they aren't a person who has been "humbled by a porn addiction." They are a person who has different beliefs and values than you, and it would be perfectly fine to choose not to date that person.
Remember what you just said here, if she ever does decide to contact you.
I would be willing to bet that is the case. These women have soooo many guys available at their fingertips. And I'm not saying you're nothing special, because I'm sure you have a lot of unique qualities a girl would love, but I highly doubt she's looking for love or a relationship on a site like that. If she's hot, trust me, she has a plethora of options in the real world. She's probably just after your money.
Which is exactly how these women get money from guys. They make you feel bad for them, like you're their saving grace. They prey on compassionate men, or men who think that if they give her more money she'll love them. It's a pretty despicable thing, if that's what she's doing. Obviously I can't read her heart, but I would say it's pretty likely the case.
Yeah, I suppose in my post I was thinking about many different women in my post. But yeah I agree.
It's so nice how you analyze things so beautifully and have answers to almost every conflict here. You, a psychiatrist by any chance or is this just experience lol?
Lol well I did study psychology for a few years, with the intention of becoming a Marriage and Family Therpist, but I decided against that route.
Me too. I was gonna study psychology but took science instead cause' you get to make money sooner and don't have to study till 30+ years. I'm equally passionate about both so yeah. What made you change paths?
I'll PM you, I don't want to derail this thread
If you do a bit of research you will find that most bi girls find it extremely judgemental that man assume they will want a threesome just because they are bi. They mostly want monogamous, faithful relationship and don't want to share their man.
If she decided to drop the whole cam girl thing and find a normal job, maybe.
But otherwise dating a cam girl would be the last thing I would do.
I am late to this thread, but I wanted to respond to some of what @CassTeaElle has been saying. Let me begin by saying that I think your posts in this thread show a lot of wisdom. I appreciate your insights and agree with pretty much all of them.
Since some of your posts focus on the way in which cam girls take advantage of men, I do want to balance out the discussion by considering the perhaps obvious point that men also take advantage of cam girls. As a recovering porn addict myself, I can say that I was drawn to pornographic material by loneliness and by a feeling that I needed to find love/acceptance.
Spoiler: Description of a type of porn, possible trigger
My greatest weakness was POV porn, which gives the viewer the illusion that he is participating in the sexual relationship himself.
The "personal" character of this kind of video takes advantage of the same feelings of loneliness that cam sites do. But for me to say that I was the sole victim would be foolish. True, the performers were exploiting the loneliness and the weaknesses of men like me for their financial gain, but equally true is that I was exploiting them by using the appearance of their bodies for my own, selfish gratification. Point being, any time a man and a woman interact in the context of the sex industry, there is a two-way exploitation. Both parties are trying to get something from each other rather than trying to give something to each other--exactly the opposite of how any healthy relationship, sexual or otherwise, should go. In this kind of situation, both people are victims, not just the man.
To be clear, CassTeaElle, I'm not trying to argue with you here. In fact, I think you'll probably agree with what I've just said; it's pretty consistent with what you've written. Just trying to release some of the emotions this discussion has stirred up, and to ask anyone reading to consider that we can't identify cam girls' actions as morally wrong while allowing the patrons who lust after these girls' bodies to get a free pass.
As an aside, I used to have an idea that one day I would call a prostitute and ask her if she'd let me just treat her to dinner--no sex. It seems like women who work in all parts of the sex industry get so little genuine respect from men. I wanted so badly to open up to one of these women and give her a chance to make a genuine human connection, which she might really desperately need. I have never followed through with that plan, partly out of cowardice and partly because I never fully convinced myself that it wouldn't be a form of exploitation in and of itself. How are we to deal with the massive problems that the sex industry has wrought? Self-reformation is one thing, and I fully intend to follow through on that. But what more can we do?
What troubles me is that we live in a society where you can even suggest believably that a girl might feel she has to sell herself sexually to pay the bills. In my opinion, no good can come out of cam shows or pornography for anyone involved--neither producers nor consumers. The idea that "people gotta do what they gotta do" may be true, but when I hear you say this, I can't help but wish that even a fraction of the money in the sex/porn industry were actually in some giant fund that could be used to help women pay for their med school expenses without becoming cam girls. What a better world that would be!
Man, it sucks to have ideals in this crazy, f***ed up world.
You're correct, I definitely agree with that. I would also consider plenty of cam girls to be victims, themselves, whether it be because they are forced to engage in cam sex or because they have such low self esteem that they are searching for their self worth in the form of lust from men, which is horrible and sad. I definitely don't think all cam girls are just heartless people who want to take advantage of men. Hopefully my comments didn't imply that I feel that way.
I didn't really think anyone here was doing that. Mentioning that the customers of cam sex are doing something morally wrong as well wasn't really necessary or relevant to the topic of "would you date a cam girl, and why/why not."
Fair enough, the relevance existed mostly within my own poor little brain.
I hope after a moment's reflection you will realize the utter folly of holding such a utopian belief - as it is self-contradictory: without women willing to do porn there is no porn industry.
The second point is that part of your wish is already true: namely "a fraction of the money in the porn industry" is already being used to help women. Namely those women in porn. That's how the whole thing works. Like it or not if you take away the porn industry you also take this money away from these women.
Women in porn, by their actions, have demonstrated one thing clearly - that in their subjective view doing porn is better for them than the next best available option. This is undeniable. And I always worry about do-gooders who would take away the best available option from others just to make themselves feel better.
As for the OP - imho it is better to date a model than a glamour girl, better a glamour girl than a camgirl, better a camgirl than a porn star, better a porn star than a prostitute, and better a prostitute than a madam. Performers in the sex industry are not equal.
I would not do any - nor would I feel happy were my sons to do so. But beyond the role they play in the porn industry they're still girls at the end of the day and hopefully can find someone special.
[I use camgirl here for a sole performer, and porn star for someone performing with others]