Worthlessness

Your wife is saying these things because she is so hurt. She has a broken heart because of your choices and is lashing out. You made mistakes, but we all do. You are not defined by your mistakes. Make a list right now if 10 things you are grateful for and a list of 3 of your best qualities.

 

I can relate to this. It's how I felt yesterday before almost relapsing. I'd PMO because it was the only thing that made me feel . . . something. You can't do this for someone else. You have to care about yourself!

Your wife sounds hurt. I'm sure she doesn't mean all of those things. It can be hard, but just let her go. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. Just focus on yourself for now.

 

Your wife will never be able to understand your pain.

Most women have vastly lower sex drives than men even though they do enjoy sex just as much when men they want offer it.

Testosterone is what makes men put up with way more unnecessary pain to get sex than women ever would. She will never understand and that's really not her fault.

Let her go if she wants to go and wish her well.

If she won't see that your pain is something she can't understand it will always anger her to the point that she'll only hurt you more instead of helping you stop.

And there are women out there who'd help you stop. There are some real saints out there.

I don't think you two should even try being friends let alone lovers. Not until things change completely.

 

First off, no one has the right to say things like that to someone else. I'm really sorry you have to deal with that, and that you have to go through this hard time. I think it is natural to feel bad when a relationship ends, but I recommend being kind to yourself if possible. If anything she is the one who is ruining the relationship, name calling is an easy way to mess up a relationship. Regardless of who is at fault she is the one who is slighting you, and being patronizing. I think you should learn to dispute what she said, and work on this issue with someone. I'm not an expert at reframing (Part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy- the act of disputing, and putting things in context.), but I know a few tricks. One, start with the line that's not true because, and used facts to dispute untrue things. Examples That's not true because I am liked by many people at my job, that's not true because I am always spending time with other people who smile at me.

Second, divorce isn't any easy thing to go through. You might not feel as good for a while, and it might be too early for a silver lining, but you will still have to go through your routine everyday, and do things with other people. Yes, it may be hard at times, but you will still have a life, and people who care about you. It also depends on the relationship. As hard as this sounds, I think its not a bad idea for you to try and forgive her, forgive yourself, and start some new hobbies that give your life more meaning.

Third, practice self-compassion. It's a powerful thing to be willing to say you tried your not at fault, and you tried your hardest. Basically, being willing to give yourself a hug, and being genuine to yourself with your thoughts. I hope this helps, and I really hope you work on feeling better!