Withdrawals

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Dagger323, Mar 30, 2018.

  1. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    Im 30 now and the brainfog, anxiety started at age 24. Before that I used to be confident, funny and could socialize easely. At age 22 I started using drugs because I couldnt handle a heartbreak. I used opioids like fentanyl to ease the mental pain. I used opioids intermittently. When I got sick of using opioids I flushed them through the toilet and never looked back. But there was this void and I always watched porn since I was 12 years old, so I started watching it more and more. The Os mimick a shot of heroin and I started Oing more frequently. They (the status quo) told us that masturbating and Oing was healthy and you should do it as much as you can. LOL. After I started Oing to porn more, all those weird anxiety, depression and brainfog symptoms started to appear. Then I found out yourbrainonporn and stopped fapping. Then the horror started. Now is the time to quit once and for all. I did learn a lot about myself in the last 6 years. I have been weak and I relapsed because I wanted to watch it deep down. Now I fear porn more like never before. Dreaming about relapsing to porn is a fucking nightmare this streak. In other streaks those porn dreams were pleasant.
     
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
  2. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    Yea benzo withdrawal is the worst of the worst I think. I turned fully psychotic. I thought I was the antichrist and had demonic powers. I thought law enforcement was about to arrest me for being the antichrist and the people were trying to kill me because they wanted to save the world from me the antichrist. I felt I was part of the sewer too. LOL. The anxiety is like chemical terror torture. You want to crawl out of your skin. You feel like a snail without its shell. It took 6 months to get a little better. I could not leave the house because the agoraphobia was extreme. All I did was read benzobuddies all day and my mom and dad took care of me during that period.
     
  3. im_broken

    im_broken Fapstronaut

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    How did you sleep during that benzo wd period?
     
  4. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    I stayed awake most of the time. The anxiety and the confusion was so bad sleep was impossible. I had a full blown delirium tremens. My skin felt like it was on fire. It felt like I was slowly dieing. I was writing a letter to my parents to tell them how I wanted my funeral. I was so sure I was gonna die some nights. I was waiting for death, hell I was actually longing for death some nights so my suffering would come to an end. If I did manage to get sleep, I would have horrible hallucinations about hell.

    @Big Lebowski . Did your symptoms start at age 14? Right after you started PMO?
     
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  5. im_broken

    im_broken Fapstronaut

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    Wow... That beats my experiences, I guess you ended up having fewer worries and trying to just enjoy life more after coming through that?

    I can tell you that all my social anxiety started after I started PMO at the age of about 13 and later on it led to general anxiety and contributed to my burnout, once I quit i have had issues with muscle tension and insomnia that have caused pretty severe fatigue again
     
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  6. Big Lebowski

    Big Lebowski Fapstronaut

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    Things started to go downhill at that age I think mate, 15 for sure and 16 and I started getting the twitches in my eyelids: social anxiety, anhedonia, probably had all that for 9 years. My motivation vanished in school I was predicted good grades at the start but fucked up towards the end, couldn’t focus at all. I think I have had some sort of persistent brain fog in varying levels for 10-11 years. It got considerably worse in the last few years.
     
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  7. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    Every time you post a new reply you’re basically describing the story of my life. It’s fucking mind blowing how many of us share similar experiences and situations due to PMO…
     
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  8. Fallensoldier1

    Fallensoldier1 Fapstronaut

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    I also have had that trouble on and off. Went to the hospital twice because of it and nothing was found both times.
     
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  9. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    It made me a lot thougher. But also more nihilistic. I probably have some permanent damage. My body is vibrating 24/7, have muscle spasms, visual snow and a lot of eye floaters. It also made life more dull. And when you have porn withdrawal like I have now, its still tough and I feel a lot of anxiety. This anxiety is different and not as bad, but still dark and terror like sometimes during the night. I still havnt been able to enjoy my life and still worry a lot quite frankly.
     
  10. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    It must have something to do with our nervous systems being out of whack and nothing to do with our heart health. I’ve seen quite a number of people complain about it but since NoFap tends to aggravate my hypochondria I can’t seem to help but worry every time I experience it...
     
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  11. im_broken

    im_broken Fapstronaut

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    I'm really sorry about that, i saw your other post about serotonin and dopamine and wondered if you had tried taking lavender softgels

    lavender oil can maybe block glutamate signalling, similarly to ketamine
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5437114/

    And do something with calcium ion communication in the brain
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23637742

    It hardly has any withdrawals even on 160mg a day, blocking stuff seems generally to have fewer withdrawals, like beta blockers though they only really act on the heart i think

    https://examine.com/supplements/lavender/

    It's best to get it in high quality softgel form such as Kalms lavender here in the uk

    I think the name of the product used in the studies is Silexan
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018
  12. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    Oh yeah lavender oil has a really interesting pharmacodynamic profile. Blocking the serotonin transporter, inhibiting different types of voltage dependent calcium channels (VOCCs) and blocking glutamate at the NMDA receptor. Just add in something GABAergic like valerian root or lemon balm and you have a solid herbal anti anxiety formula.

    I would really like to try this. I did use pregabalin and gabapentin in the past for porn withdrawals, and pregabalin is the best one. It works on a different type of calcium channel than lavender oil, the P/Q type subunit alpha2delta1 and 2. The gabapentinoids pregabalin and gabapentin can cause dependency and horrible withdrawals if taken daily for longer perioids. I think lavender oil is a good one to try, but still binds fairly strong at the NMDA receptor protein, the calcium ion channel proteins and the serotonin transporter protein. So could indeed cause mild withdrawals by itself. All in all a very interesting substance.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2018
  13. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    Are you still experiencing these withdrawals? Lately I’ve been having a “full” feeling in my pelvis and groin area, which seemed to have been brought on by a wet dream that was cut short due to me waking up in time to stop it. Also noticed some small white specks in my pee that look like hardened sperm (perhaps dead?). Since yesterday I’ve also been experiencing sensations of nausea and have little to no appetite. I’m so sick of these withdrawals. Every time I’m on a new streak and feel good about myself they hit me all at once and I’m not sure whether to visit a doctor (who would probably end up instructing me to masturbate) or to push through them and see if they subside on their own...
     
  14. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

    Push through them!
    I been there in the past.

    Meditate, Work out, Take healthy supplements, Take 5HTP, Eat good. And you will be alright.
     
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  15. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, I really appreciate the encouragement.
     
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  16. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I would not use 5-htp. I've had a very bad experience with it. You are playing with fire if you don't know how exactly your neurotransmitters are balanced right now..
     
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  17. Tywin Lannister

    Tywin Lannister Fapstronaut

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    Reading this thread is almost exactly like reading my own symptoms and story ..

    Our symptoms sound very much like neurasthenia, dysautonomia, neurosis and of course hard drug PAWS..

    How many of you who also have these extreme withdrawal experiences abused porn like edging for 2,3,4 or even 6 or 7 hours? I have had some periods of doing this almost daily... I think that the long edging sessions f'd up my brain and nervous system the most..
     
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  18. Tekkengod77

    Tekkengod77 New Fapstronaut

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    Dude that is the BEST way to describe this HELL. My story is very, almost entirely similair to yours, cuz im angry, very angry at my parents, the lack of parenting in that part of life. I will never go back, as it gave me:


    Depersonalization/ derealization
    Anxiety/panic attacks
    No energy/ balls shrunken/ when in flatline
    Shame
    Constant feeling as if somebody is judging/watching me
    Stuttering
    Depression
    Weak legs/hands
    But when my balls hang, and i am “normal”

    I feel none of these, i feel like a super human being and i am not even kidding. WHEN I AM “NORMAL” I FEEL:

    Huge amaounts of surging energy, a literral FIRE through my whole body.
    No anxiety NOTHING, i can look THROUGH people. I always end up being smarter, faster, like very fast cognitive movements as if i could be a pro kickbokser, and strong urge to lift, to meet up with a girl, to live LIFE.
     
  19. Dagger323

    Dagger323 Fapstronaut

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    I’m definitely guilty of that. Edging for hours upon hours usually at least four or five days a week. Fapping daily multiple times. My mind and body are suffering the consequences now after all that time.
     
  20. SLeepisLost

    SLeepisLost Fapstronaut

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    All the symptoms that are still present are insomnia, light social anxiety, brain fog and 24/7 anhedonia. But I am doing much better overall. I hope to make a full recovery at the year mark.
     

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