Will I be suicidal for months to come?

Everybody's different, so nobody can really predict how long it'll take you to start really feeling the benefits.

I'm really sorry to hear that you're suffering like this. It might help if you try to occupy yourself with other stuff to get your mind off PMO.

 

Suicide is never the answer. One thing I can tell you is the way your life is today is temporary. Everything changes all the time. You can make those changes happen by simply getting your mind into a better place. You are what you dwell on. You will be what you dwell on. Countless books and video's and real life experiences will tell you that just by changing what you think about, will change the person you are and the life you are living.

It is so easy to fall into the trap that your life is shit and will always be shit because you see yourself as shit. Start seeing yourself as a better person, start seeing yourself as willing and wanting to change the person you are. You have already taken the first and hardest step in admitting to yourself that this is not the way you want to be. Don't put all of your hopes and dreams in Nofap. It is just another tool. Your mind is the strongest most versatile tool at your disposal. Start drilling down in your thoughts about what is the thing you desire most in life. And then figure out what you have to do to make that a reality. All the roadblocks and obstacles you put in front of yourself are nothing compared to what your mind can accomplish. Dying is easy. Living and improving yourself is a struggle, but it is worth every moment of that struggle and when things are right and your life is good you will look back and wonder to yourself how you ever had any thoughts of anything else.

So start right now and tell yourself you are on your way to being a better person. You don't need to know how, what, when or where but just make the commitment to yourself that you will figure it out.

 

Little confusion to me,after read your post.

 

Another great resource is http://www.crisistextline.org/ . What happens here is almost like the resource mentioned in sparky's post, except you text the service with your phone. You initially reach an automated system which then connects you to an actual person (who's been extensively trained on how to handle people with suicidal thoughts, among many other things) through text. I think it's great for anyone that's too anxious to talk to someone over the phone. I'm a bit biased, of course, as I did volunteer with the organization for a few months .

 

"Feeling Good" by David Burns should help you if you need therapy. But in my experience, most "suicidal" people just need some attention and confirmation. In either case, not great.