Will be single forever unless...

Hi all. I've looked at porn since about 7 years old. Masturbated almost daily since about 12. After the internet, masturbation became 4 or 6 hour edging sessions until that one perfect image. Happily married for 25 years. That ended 2 years ago. I could easily continue to use porn instead of finding another mate in the future. That's what worries me.

I don't want to be alone. I liked having a partner. We had a full life, good jobs, travel, great friends family and hobbies. I just always had this high sex drive, and used porn in between sex with my wife. I now figure I've probably had a lifetime addiction to porn and masturbation. (I'm 43 now) For the last couple years though, whenever I'm feeling sad about our marriage ending, or stressed about other general life stuff, I'll spend a few hours on the internet, the dopamine release, and all is good. So I'm probably not properly dealing with the breakup, and I find I don't have that huge urge to meet women. I want to stop all internet porn definitely. It sucks me in for waaay to many hours at a time.

But I do want a sex partner, and eventually a life and sex partner again. Another thing, when I use the porn I've saved on my computer, my masturbation seems more normal. 20 minutes or less, done and on with my day. Just sexual release in a way that feels normal. I tried that several times. But so many times convinced myself that a quick session online is the same thing. But after a few times like that, inevitably I would end up stuck in front of the internet for 5 hours, afterward I'd be annoyed and angry that I wasted a day and didn't get out and be social, and maybe meet new people and maybe meet new women.

So I vowed to not use any porn at all for 3 months. And NEVER use internet porn again. I'm on 12 days now. No porn AND NoFap. I hadn't really decided what to do about masturbation, I just knew I didn't want any porn at all to sort of get a handle on it. But I'm pretty sure I don't want to have no sexual release at all. Maybe I'll go masturbation without any porn, just fantasy or the physical act I guess. I haven't decided.

I do suspect that if I forgo all porn and masturbation, and only allow orgasm if interacting with an actual woman, that I'll be good and motivated to figure out how to meet and flirt and pickup women again, which I seem to have forgotten how to do. That is really my main goal. So again, I've been without all PMO for 12 days. I plan on continuing like this for the foreseeable future. (unless I get to hook up with a human) But I'd be open to people's thoughts on what I've written above. I'm fairly busy and won't be on this site for hours at a time, but I will check in every day or two and i'd be happy to discuss stuff with anyone.