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Wife of a Porn Addict requiring some answers

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by WifeofPornAddict, Mar 20, 2018.

  1. WifeofPornAddict

    WifeofPornAddict New Fapstronaut

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    Hello,
    I hope I am writing this in the right forum. I wasn't entirely sure.
    I have been married for 2 years now, and though the interest in sex wasn't as much from my SO's side, I put it down to low libido and all.
    But it is only now that both of us have realized that the real cause is an addiction. He gets hard watching porn easily, and can do it everyday, but its not the same in real life for him - which is now getting very frustrating for me.

    I confronted him about him when I realized that this is an addiction, and he has been sober for 40 days. But he still doesn't feel like having sex. Also the time we made out, he still couldn't get hard.

    What do I need to be doing here? Any help, advice, suggestions would be much appreciated.

    Thank you so much.
     
    noonoon and Peace467 like this.
  2. yaaarp

    yaaarp Fapstronaut

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    Give him more time
     
  3. 40 days and still no hard dick, i dont believe he is sober.
     
  4. 40 days is not enough time ! He is in flat line now ! He need more time.
     
  5. Don't say that! It is not true.
     
  6. @WifeofPornAddict 40 days isnt enough time. If he is doing a true and pure reboot then he might be in a flatline, which both of you can look up on "yourbrainonporn.com", there's alot of great info and even videos on there (more than here, where here is just personal recounts of what people's opinons are.

    If hes in a flatline this is GOOD and just needs to get out of it with time. You have to understand if its an addiction, he might not be fully stopped. I know when I first went on the journey of nofap, my brain tricked me and I looked at p-subs and fantazized. I would see if its an addiction first
     
  7. During a reboot it is common to “flatline” which is period where the rebooted has no interest in sex and is not easily aroused it passes. be patient, keep being intimate (touching, kissing, cuddling) etc. Leave the penis out of the fun.
     
  8. Definitely talk with him in detail. If he is not looking at porn, but is still looking at Psubs (porn substitutes), then that will certainly delay his recovery. If he is going on YouTube, Instagram, etc and getting hard from that, then the result is just about the same as looking at porn. He needs to be abstaining from anything that turns him on sexually (except for you). That is a big hurdle for PA's - getting used to the idea that just stopping porn is the solution. It really is about reprogramming your thinking to wanting what's real and not what's artificial.

    If he is keeping completely time, then I would agree that waiting is the best advice. In the meantime, simply be intimate in every way except sex. Cuddle naked, kiss, hug, etc.

    You may also want to look into PIED. It's discussed here on the forum quite a bit. Not saying he is dealing with that, but it kind of sounds like he is on the outskirts of it at least.

    Good luck and health to both of you.
     
  9. Has anyone tried therapy? @WifeofPornAddict, I haven't got to the flatline stage yet. But I do know that this kind of addiction could be hard for a lot of guys to talk about without help. If he is relapsing he could be too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about it with you. Especially if your opinion of him means a lot to him.
     
  10. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    How is he rebooting? Is he here at nofap? Is he working a program like SA or SAA?

    I always get a wee bit concerned when a wife is asking these questions and not the husband. Hopefully he is also doing some research into what can be done? If he was truly addicted, then he’ll be having withdrawal symptoms as well. He will need to learn new ways to cope with life’s stress. He’ll need to figure out what his triggers are. There is a lot of work he needs to do and all that is much more important than weather the little soldier is working.

    Be patient. Be loving. Be gentle.
     
  11. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    Give it some time my husband and I rushed in at the 30 day mark and it didn't work- time and patience....
     

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