why ??? :(

Short answer: Addiction is a bitch. Also the chaser effect was definitively part of the second relapse.

I know exactly how you feel. Many people including myself felt devastated after a relapse before. Actually, last week I had a moment of complete hopelessnes. I felt absolutely broken and I thought I will never be strong enough to try again.

In theory, it's easy. Just get back up and try again. Sooner or later you will suceed. But in reality, we all know how difficult that is. You have to find a way to get a sense of motivation. What works relatively well for me, is picturing my future self, picturing the person I want to become and how my addiction keeps me away from it. Maybe it works for you as well.

Don't be down for too long, mate.

 

the best thing would be to think of hobbies you can do to make yourself more productive (ie. working out, meditation, writing, etc.) just look for what you are interested in and schedule your days so you can be more productive.

 

Figure out your triggers, monitor yourself and figure out when and where you get urges and then try to change your schedule or behavioral patterns to avoid those situations.

Also, I have found the strongest thing for me is to remind myself that I'm not like my father, who cheated on my mom and on multiple other women. By making the mental link between PMO/objectification of women and his behaviors and telling myself I'm not like him, I feel repulsed from doing any of those things. I don't know if you can make some similar connection between PMO and something which you can use to remind yourself to stay away.

 

One simple thing worth looking into: do research on the negative effects of porn generally, and more specifically look into the way that the porn industry exploits women and is linked to sex trafficking. It may seem harmless, or that you're only harming yourself, but don't forget that when it comes to porn there is a MASSIVE industry which is very loosely regulated which is not just profiting off of you but also off of exploiting the bodies of women and a culture of objectification. Reflect and ask yourself if that's something you want to take part in and convince yourself that you are directly contributing to that toxic culture and to the exploitation of women. And remind yourself of that whenever you have an urge.

 

Just remember this is a struggle. Get out and go do something, you need to keep your mind busy and off of whatever it is that triggers you. Spend some time writing, write down what it is that triggers you, you need to recognize what it is that causes you to have urges so you can avoid those things. Stay away from the computer if you need to, go for a walk, get some exercise, go hang out with friends.

Also remember to think long term. Get a calendar and mark each time you relapse. You don't necessarily have to go hard mode, give yourself small goals, start with 1 day without PMO. Then 2 days. Then 3, 4, a week, etc. build up. Make small goals that you can achieve, this will help you build confidence. Then you will see on your calendar over time that the time between relapses gets longer and longer. Eventually you will be ready to go for 30 days or longer. There is no magic bullet necessarily, but the more you build your confidence the easier it will be.