Why I relapsed after a year of NoFap.

Before I had found out about NoFap, there was a period in time in my life where I went through a whole year without masturbating or watching porn. Now this happened back when I was 24 turning 25, I'm currently 31. If it's not made obvious by the title of this thread and my day counter, one can make the assumption that I relapsed.

Reading through some of these threads I've noticed many people went through similar situations to mine. They had a period in their lives where they were PMO free. If that's the case, than I propose a question:

What causes us to relapse after such a long time of abstinence?

I mean it would only make sense right, if you don't PMO for a long period of time our urges should be dead, or rather should only formulate in a healthy sexual experience with someone else. However this just isn't the case.

Now most people here would definitely agree that there are tangible benefits to NoFap, or else this website would not even exist. But a part of me feels like that we take on nofap in a rather laxed manner. We go in head strong into nofap based on how we're feeling at that moment, we base our fight based on our emotions. For example: a person may have just relapsed and after being filled with shame and disgust he thinks to himself; "that's it!!! I'm done with this shit!!". While the feeling of shame is our natural processes telling us "hey maybe this isn't good for you", it's really a preventative measure that has it's limit.

This is where the problem lies with people who can only do nofap for like a week or 2 weeks out a time. Once the emotion to fight dissipates, they return to their old habits.

There are those who also try nofap for superficial reasons. They believe that if they do nofap, that by some miracle it will make them more attractive and allow them to get a girlfriend, or that doing nofap will benefit their sex lives. While these things may be true, this should not be the soul purpose of nofap. Why? because the second these things don't come to fruition you'll find yourself relapsing.

Everyone here needs to have a core purpose, a central goal as to why they want to quit PMO for good. Mine is simply that I want to be able to control my body and not have my body control me. My desires are not limited to sexual urges, they also revolve around the desires for food, company, intimacy and acknowledgement, all of them being linked into one. My desires are what feed my ego, and it is my ego that I want to pluck out. Why pluck out my ego? simply because we cannot know true love if our ego abides in us. It maybe a hard to reach goal, but I will strive for it until I die.

In order for us to truly prevent relapse, I believe it starts with a certain mindset.

The first step we need to acknowledge, is that the consequence of relapse is much more bitter than the sweetness of it.

Once we truly believe that it's better to abstain and live than to relapse and die, only than can we truly face this battle in all seriousness. The reason I chose the words live and die, is that this is how serious we need to take this issue. It truly is a matter of life and death.

To conclude this massive essay I'm going to write down a couple of points that I've found to be true in this long arduous battle.

1) Never assume that because you've been nofap for a long period of time that you've beat the addiction and that you'll never fall again. This is a battle we face till death.

2) Don't let yourself have too much free time, that is a festering playground for urges.

3) Don't let your mind run off into it's own fantasies, even if they aren't sexual. If you have no control over your fantasies what makes you think you will be able to fight them when they turn sexual.

4) When you start nofap, say to yourself that you no longer masturbate or watch porn. Be truly convinced that you have quit for good, do not think to yourself that I'm "trying" to quit because that leaves room for "well I was only trying". It creates space to make up excuses.

5) Be humble and know that you can fall at any moment, while at the same time being vigilant and doing everything in your power to fight.

6) Know that the enemy is much stronger and smarter than you are.

7) If you do relapse, get back up as soon as you can. The longer we stay down the harder it is to get back up.

8) Analyze every situation that comes up and analyze every urge that you get so that you can pinpoint the cause.

9) If you find yourself in a situation where there is a sexual urge arising, flee from it! both physically and mentally. Get out of that space!!!!

and finally...

10) Keep the image of the bitterness and death of relapse always before your mind, that you will feel sick whenever a sexual urge arises.

 

It truly is spiritual warfare. I really appreciate this community, because when we fight together, we can overcome our enemy and strengthen ourselves!

 

I truly believe that we have it extremely hard in this time and age. Modern society has developed a culture with an unhealthy focus on sex. Porn is so readily available to the point where one begins to wonder how the hell we got here? we've sexualized everything! Not only that, but people will tell you that there in nothing wrong with masturbating or porn. They'll even tell you it's "healthy" without recognizing the amount of data that shows the harm of this addiction.

We truly are being battled from every front, we only have each other and our experiences to know that truth! Let us hold on to that truth! for without it we fall into chaos.

 

Well when I relapsed I essentially gave up... I didn't really have a motive to quit. So it took me about 5 years before I actually committed to quitting again.

 

Get back up! and make it 6 years!

 

vigilance is key... we should never become complacent in our fight... regardless oh how long out streak is

 

It's nice to see that everyone that has replied to this post has a good streak going. Good job everyone! keep up the fight