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Why I’m Alone

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by AbstinentCrusader, Oct 10, 2018.

  1. AbstinentCrusader

    AbstinentCrusader New Fapstronaut

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    I come from a house where I’ve witnessed broken relationships. I’ve was emotionally abused and psychologically tormented for years.

    Many very attractive females I’ve come across. A lot of them smiling, some even start conversation. But I don’t, why? I’ve been asking myself for many years. I’ve come to realize that I can’t allow myself to get close to anyone. I’m a selfish person, and I’m afraid to fail or get hurt. I’m worried that I’m not good enough, and that I’ll follow in my parents footsteps somehow.

    You see we’re all human, and I so desperately crave validation and attention. I want to feel close, but instead I feel cold. Instead of pursuing someone, I’d rather take an easy route. Something synthetic, pornography and masturbation. So much so, it’s to the point it’s effecting my mind and body. It’s further incapacitating my drive for something real. I want to get over it, but every time I resist I feel “I can’t do it”, “I’ll fail”. I feel afraid, there’s a hole, and that’s the way to fill it. It’s like a venom eating away at my very essence. It’s like a parasitic bond.

    Whenever I feel negative, I see promiscuity, or assume negative things about those around me. Or believe I’m missing out, the hole is there. It hurts so I need to feed the habit, and the easiest way is very destructive. I can’t think straight, perform my job properly, boost my self confidence, etc.

    Don’t get me wrong, Im not ugly, fat. I work out a lot, but I’m irresponsible. I forget things. My countless ideas are scattered as I often act on impulse. I don’t fap all the time, but it hurts when I do, because I know it’s not helping me get what I really need.

    In my life there’s lots of triggers, my mind is scattered. So I sometimes forget to recognize them, and remember why it’s important to avoid it. The whole reason I avoid fap in the first place becomes washed out when the urge is present. It’s even taking away my mental fortitude. I’m not sure who invented this combination, fap and porn, but it is a seemingly very powerful and very potent drug. For people like us.

    I’m trying to figure out a way to take this energy, and this pain, and turn it into something productive. It’s not going to leave my body, it’s a part of who I am, but if I can learn to control it, I can do anything. I can wake up. I can find the love of my life. I want that, badly, very badly. But it ain’t easy.

    The longest I’ve gone without fap was 30 days. And that was over a year ago. Started when I was 11, and never stopped. It’s like cigarettes in a way, but much much worse. Fap has taken away so much from me, so many memories and relationships and friendships I could have formed. So many things I could’ve accomplished with my energy and mind at its best. All those years washed away. It’s time for a change of tide, before it’s too late.
     
  2. tdotLotLJ

    tdotLotLJ Fapstronaut

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    Rephrase (customize) your 2 negative, limiting self-talk comments into something positive and encouraging like:
    1. "I can do it."
    2. "I'll give it my best shot."

    Carry around the 2 new comments -- the new you [or better you] -- on a piece of paper or 3x5 card in your wallet.
    (It will increasingly influence your behavior).
     
    ShowY likes this.
  3. realliferealman

    realliferealman Fapstronaut

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    I want you to imagine this:

    1) I now in this side which is PMO and all the negative effect going on,ruining my life and etc etc

    2) and the other side is bright future,a lot of friends,never social anxiety,a lot of cool stuff going on in my life.

    Ok,so you now clear that you have 2 sides..you now wanna to move from side 1 to side 2..And firstly you need to understand that this is require a lot of work to move from side 1 to side 2.,which is for example 100 days nofap..

    So now you have a choice,either you stay on side 1 forever until the day you die or give your best shot,dedication,hard work to at least experience one moment in side 2..

    I give you a tool for you to move from side 1 to side 2:
    Remember: I will settle all the thing I can control,the thing I cant control I will not complain.

    Every time you feel
    you always remember that,your mind is the only thing you can control..other event that happen at outside world,which cause you anxiety,depression,so you want to fap,you know that that thing itself u cant control,you not complain,and only control your mind not to fap(which will move you to side 2)
     
  4. HereAndThere

    HereAndThere Fapstronaut

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    You could use nofap to force you to grab onto something real. There will be still porn available and it will still be less work but those connections to porn can be weakened and connections to real person can be strengthened. I have a similar problem and its hell. There is no clear path to get out. People say just do that or just do that because from their perspective they are already programmed to enjoy all those stupid games most of social interactions come to. Is it worth it or not means nothing if you dont feel its worth it. You can change but i would say there is a mountain of work in front of you and not much joy.
     
  5. Paper

    Paper Fapstronaut

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    Sounds a bit similar to me, I get that attention, but I don't know how to use it, I am afraid of being rejected, I feel like I am not worth for this shot, to try something with a girl , but I start thinking about tactic as: I don't give a damn what people think about me, I just do it , that girl is beautiful, okay, I will talk, If she doesn't like me, fk it, I move forward, there is plenty of fish in the sea .
     

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