Why excessive porn use is a problem

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by yoyo122122, Nov 30, 2018.

  1. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    But it probably would've developed due to the importance of reproduction for the species to flourish?

    Control = continuous supply of money?
    Thanks for that - I'll have a go at fixing it up a bit.

    Wow never thought about it from a woman's perspective. So freaky to think about it like that. Cause as a guy I think one of the worst forms of betrayal is cheating. Even though lying would be a big problem...
    Any ideas on where I could learn more about this?
    Thanks again for your post
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018 at 6:19 PM
  2. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Well as far as I know the porn sites were the first to implement 360 videos. Years before youtube and vimeo etc...
    Fair enough - maybe its not just a massive conspiracy all about control. At least there are agendas out there, the industry has a lot of reason to want people addicted, and there's a lot of money involved.
     
  3. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    To be frank the first part of your comment sounds like mumbo jumbo BS. Everyone judges everyone. It's just that some of us hide it more/better than others. It would be nice if we could all get over our own moral systems and be friends but I don't think it's that simple.
    Though I definitely agree that there's no good in legislation to solve this stuff aha.
     
  4. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    You're pretty young. Just give it time for you to be sufficiently judged and unfairly. I assure you, your entire perspective on judging people WILL change.
    You want to really get a good idea of the woman's perspective on different levels of cheating, start a thread on it. You will be so very humbly surprised. The single biggest betrayal IS Lying.
     
  5. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Okay then. Respectfully - is it possible that the has world cut you down that you have given up on your beliefs?

    Again not sure about this. A strong man shouldn't need to explain everything. Like when they say "what are you thinking?" Are you gonna tell them exactly what you were thinking every time. They just need to know they are loved - not have access to everything with the click of their fingers.
    Or do you mean lying about a betrayal/covering up?

    Made a few changes to my original post to fix it up.
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018 at 7:16 PM
  6. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut

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    i stand corrected. my SO just wasn't ready to step up to himself. hope got the better of me.

    in the end, my choice is based on the abandonment not the addiction. he chose to physically leave (to bypass the accountability and use his parents house for a relapse but thats a nother matter) me in a state of extreme emotional despair in a literally cold dark place (broken lamp, garage in winter) instead of just sitting beside me, offering to listen, giving me a hug, discussing what the matter is, or at least finding another light source or putting the space heater on. i know my life is kind of an absurdist comedy, but he sort of completed the arrangement like a beautiful car bow on a 2020 kia IRONY.

    i'm just posting to distract from the pits of cavernous agony. lies kill.
     
  7. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut

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    omg is right. this is a truth universal.
     
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  8. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I don't know why it took me so long to see this response...sorry about that.
    It is possible, that having witnessed first hand how harshly, not only myself, but others have been so brutally and unfairly judged has led me to a point where I will never judge another human being as long as I live. I used to judge people all the time. Not anymore. I still have some processing to do with resentment surrounding my Partner and a former friend of mine, but by and large, where I used to judge people over every stupid little observation, I just don't anymore.
    Don't know where you get his idea "...Strong man shouldn't need to explain everything..." To the contrary, you need to explain to your Partner to whatever detail she so desires. Anything short of that, is unacceptable. She is a Partner. Not a Subordinate. Treat her like one.
     
  9. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for explaining that - appreciate it

    I disagree on this one. Maybe I'm just naive but in my mind you can love someone and not share every single detail - hiding information can be loving in a protecting kind of way. She's a girlfriend or a wife - not a comrade on the battlefield, or a master ;-)
     
  10. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Yes, that is incredibly naive. She neither wants, nor expects, you to protect her from information that has any influence, affects her.

    "Any decision that you make, and that decision has a potential influence or impact on another person, you have a duty, responsibility, and obligation to share in that decision with the other person."

    Don't take my word for it. Ask any female here!
     
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  11. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Sad to hear. Hope things get better for you
     
  12. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut

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    i think the question here is about the element of control. words can be assigned varying qualities, but underneath it sounds like mr. yo is equating information with control or vulnerability. this is a fallacy in many human relationships and indicative of fundamental imbalance, lack of cohesion, miscommunication or mistrust. information is only dangerous, makes one vulnerable, if you are not upholding of the same goals/ideals as the informant. the motivation behind withholding information is fear, plainly put. no excuses there. if you are afraid to be completely open about your inner workings, you already have an incomplete operative that will provide unhealthy relationship boundaries which are unpredictable or irregular in their layings and unfair to the partner, especially if the partner is facilitating a more inclusive operative based on the believed partnership/unity/shared goal. women TEND (this is a sweeping generalization, but somewhat based on physiological predispositions) toward less self-serving and more self-sacraficing choices when they make a commitment so this is a crucial understanding on the part of the male. you guys should just be always aware that you may need to put more effort into the nurturing of the relationship because it doesn't come as naturally to be emotionally receptive or tactful.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2018 at 5:46 PM
  13. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut

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    ...that said, if you're with an intelligent female, you will be saving yourself a world of hassle by simply being totally honest about how your work, and who you are, etc. this enables her to love you for you, and to mitigate any of her own systems designed to weed out dangers or threats in the relationship based on how you work, rather than the outlying hints of what you are up to.

    damn, i am having a tough time articulating what i mean exactly. basically, if your partner is smart, don't leave it up to yourself to control what she knows and doesn't know because you won't be able to anticipate or manipulate her awareness. you are far better off giving her full access and allowing her to anticipate what will or won't be problematic in the relationship. this saves a lot of time because if you aren't a good match it will be apparent sooner, but if it's just some changes that you or her are willing to make, compromise on , etc. you can address it promptly together. if she's of sound mind, the meticulous info-gathering calculations don't persist once the trust is established. the rest is a shared maintenance.
     
  14. kaia

    kaia Fapstronaut

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    thanks.....sorry for spilling out in your thread. i don't have much of a social life at this point in time. :\
     
  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    If I may, please allow me to articulate it in addict language. Any time you use the excuse "I'm withholding information because": "I don't want to hurt her", or "I'm afraid she will leave me", or "she won't be able to handle it" and all that bullshit, that isn't a decision you get to make. And especially when you decided to betray her, you forfeited all rights to make any decisions on her behalf no matter how long you've been married. One of these days, this message is going to sink in and resonate with all of those who continue to argue it, but damn, I have to repeat it every single day, and almost multiple times a day:

    "Any decision that you make, and that decision has a potential influence or impact on another person, you have a duty, responsibility, and obligation to share in that decision with the other person."

    I guess they have to hit "Rock Bottom", and commence climbing out of the hole they've dug themselves into to finally get it. This disease is most hard headed!
     
  16. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Your point is getting a little ridiculous now. Maybe I have been unclear but I don't really mean hiding information out of fear that they will freak out and hate you - more like not having to share all the details because they know that they are loved and trust you. You think the great kings throughout the ages shared everything with their queens every time they talked? Sometimes there are just bigger things at stake and couples trust that they want the best for each other instead of 'needing to know' all the info.

    I get the point about dishonesty ruining everything though. Can be hard to see the love in that
     
  17. yoyo122122

    yoyo122122 Fapstronaut

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    Yeap, once the love is there everyone can chill.
     
  18. Gotham Outlaw

    Gotham Outlaw Fapstronaut

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    When you watch porn you are watching someone your attracted to get fucked by someone else. You are turning yourself into a cuck.
     
  19. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry, but just because one watches this material does not make them become one. It is fuel for their addiction. Doesn't mean they can't become one, but few people who watch it, like watching any other of these outrageous sexual behaviors, become a reality in their fantasy.
     

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