Why does it feel like I relapsed?

Im on a 14 day streak (I know, not much...but the most I’ve ever gone is 17.) This morning I had a O with my wife. All day I have been depressed and have next to zero energy. Not happy about anything. I feel like I relapsed...almost disappointed with myself. I’ve read many people’s opinions that Oing with your wife is fine. Is the only way to avoid this is by going hard mode? Even then...does it always feel horrible after a O or is this all mental?

 

Thanks for your reply. I wasn’t sure but was hoping it was just a mental thing.

 

Do you think when we MO, we want to use P afterwards for a better high or because our disease is tricking us?

 

I sensed a little hostility. I was asking because I was genuinely curious. Because when I got urges before, I would MO but would just want to use P, is it because of what you’re saying or is it because our pathways are reignited again or what?? It’s important to know these things so we know how to stop it. Just genuine curiosity, sorry if my question came off wrong, all peace and love here

 

That close relationship you talk about makes sense, every time we pmo we orgasm, so when we orgasm, regardless, we are reminded of P.

Those disappointed days is just your brain starving to get it’s fix so you feel crappy, like a crack addict without his crack but as you abstain, your threshold for happiness raises so little things are fun again and color comes back etc. I’m hoping that’s where I’ll be

 

I am so sorry for your position and don’t worry, I understand a lot of emotion can be lost in translating across technological mediums.

Your 12 step program doesn’t sound like typical 12 step programs, aren’t they suppose to be helpful and supporting of what you do?

I was emotionally abused and yelled at also, just remember you’re stronger and better than that, look at you now, still standing, don’t let one little things affect you, you are everything. Try not to attach to the pain and let it go and be, do you meditate, you should. Also, sounds like you need a very intense reboot. Monk mode, no technology and no pmo, no fantasizing, all natural, no phone