Why does an argument lead to urges?

That is an interesting question. Even if your altercation was about sex (which it probably wasn't), your reaction has nothing to do with sex. That might sound like a paradox because porn is the stimulation of sexual arousal by various means. My observations over the lengthy time I have been here is that masturbating to porn, for the most part, is not about sex.
More than half of the time, it occurs as a result of pressure, stress, boredom, loneliness and so on. So it is our mental vulnerability and negativity that give cause to our need to masturbate to porn - a tranquilliser of sorts. So panic not.

 

Think about this... What is a argument?

Spoiler

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Your getting upset, your hearts beating.
Anger is ALWAYS the second emotion.
Why are you angry?
Because whatever you got upset about is something you care about.
If it wasn't you wouldnt be upset.
(thanks couples counciling)
When you fight with your partner, who you sleep with....
Both your eyes dilate.
Sometimes, even when you don't notice, you see them flush.... Your body responds and you subconsciously hold onto this.
You are upset and yell, which results in heavy breathing.
You scream at them or shout....
Loud.
If you aren't working through the argument, if communication is broken somewhere, how is it physically in the bedroom?
Eventually, if communication is broken other areas will break down too.
However, this is why so many people have make up sex.
It's all these little subconscious things that we take in. It makes us know how we feel about them.
It's when we don't feel that way anymore.
We should reevaluate our relationship.
(according to a couple therapists)

 

It is common to have powerful urges after having a fight with our SO. Feelings of anger, hurt, rejection, frustration are all powerful emotions we wish would go away. If PMO was our usually coping mechanism when you feel these emotions then it will continue to trigger you every time you experience them. PMO is a Mistress that will take us back no questions asked. PMO promises to sooth our injuries. PMO promises to take away or numb our pain. PMO promises relief.

The best thing you can do is talk it over with your partner. Addressing the root causes of your emotional distress is the best way to kill the urges. Recovery is about replacing unhealthy habits with healthy ones.

 

You are welcome @Sound Boy. Have you had a calm conversation to listen and to speak with your partner mate?

 

I've used PMO as a middle finger if you know what I mean... especially when I feel wronged or unappreciated by my wife.

 

I agree with that, and I want to add that in the beginning of my reboot I made the experience that even intense positive emotions can increase my urges. I guess both negative and positive emotions make us feel connected to the world, and in a way it is this connection that we're scared of - consciously or unconsciouly. So we use masturbation to disconnect.

 

I just found this site today, and only because I keep relapsing for the same reason. Somehow its like she knows how to push me right back down even just today. its frustrating. @Sound Boy good for you for staying strong.

 

That is a good outcome @Sound Boy. I hope you can strengthen your relationship further by taking the same approach.

 

This is what you should do...

 

Yes, you are right I think. arguments are stressful with negative thoughts and emotions. Afterwards Your brain starts craving a fix to feel better, it's then that we give permission to go back to our addictions because hey, we want to feel good right. Who wants to feel bad? Then up steps PMO, alcoholism, cannabis or what ever to say, ' hey hey you I can help you feel good really fast '.