Why do people change when they enter a relationship?

I remember doing a thread on something similar to this, but it was more personal. Anyway, I'll restate some of what I said later on. As of now, I just don't understand why people act so differently when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Here is one perfect example which is my best friend. We've known each other for over 20 years, but ever since the day he had his first girlfriend last year, I don't seem to know who he is anymore.

Because of his character, most of my life I would consider him to be smart guy; he's also pretty funny and outgoing too. However, there are times where he would be cocky and arrogant towards certain things. And he never wanted to admit that he was wrong. Furthermore, ever since he's been in relationship, he's been acting even more cocky. He thinks he's on top of the world as if he's worth something, and he constantly teases me (not in a bad way) about relationships for the last year and a half. "Oh get a girlfriend already" or "Dude, you need a girlfriend." He even grabbed his girlfriend's ass in front of me just to prove how great it is

Furthermore, even though I was never in a relationship, I was involved in some really deep shit with other women where I shouldn't have messed with them. In turn, I had my heart destroyed several times. As of now, all I want to do is focus on myself, and live the life that I want. My goals and dreams have never been stronger, and I'm glad I took this opportunity to change who I am to get the girlfriend that I want.

But imagine trying to focus on yourself when your best friend keeps teasing you for a year and a half. You would go crazy right? The only thing I can think of is the fact that maybe I was better off than he was. Or maybe because I was more confident and approachable when it came to talking to females than he was. Or possibly I was also hard on him in the past and maybe he's getting back at me. I don't know...

Even though I've known him for over 20 years, lately I've been feeling uncomfortable around him and his girlfriend. She, on the other hand, has nothing to do with him, and in fact, I'm very close to her. It's just my best friend that's bothering me. I've tried so hard to make him stop, but he just keeps teasing me. I don't know why, and even though it's with good intentions, I find it extremely annoying.

As of now, I've decided to not hang out with him for the time being. In fact, last week I wrote him a 6 page letter telling him how I feel, because that's the only way he'd understand. Even if I hang out with him and his girlfriend again, I know he will tease me regardless. I've even thought of making new friends, or possibly hanging out with old ones. And because of his arrogance, he keeps failing to understand my situation; he keeps telling me to get a girlfriend when he knows I have other plans. Anyway, I'm just venting out for the most part. But does anyone else any have thoughts on this?

 

Yeah, after all I've been through with my own experiences regarding relationships and women, I've realized that it changed my character drastically. I've learned to appreciate the women who've come into my life more often, and I try to look at life in a different manner. Time and experience, whether good or bad, can change people in many ways. Sometimes, it may change how you deal with the people you've always known, especially those that are close to you.

From what you're saying, it seems that you want me to move on, and maybe that's something I should consider. He's still a friend to me, and I'll always care for him. However, I will not tolerate his behavior any longer because I deserve better than that. I've apologized to him and I did my best to make it up to him, but he's still the same. However, I have goals and dreams which are more important to me, and if it means sacrificing a friendship to get there, then so be it. Other than that, thanks for your input. I do appreciate it.

 

Thanks for your link...I did read most of it and I understand what you're saying. But I just want to be clear, are you suggesting that I should look for a relationship myself or are you pointing out the characteristics of my best friend? It's nothing against you or the link. I'm just a little curious.

 

Yes, it makes a lot of sense and thanks for pointing that out. I guess at one point I was frustrated at my friend's behavior that I overlooked this important area of thought . You're right; for the most part he is the same person and I'll try to remember that. Maybe one day he'll understand once he's had the same experiences I've had. Until that time, I'll keep the door open like you said.

 

Yes, you're right. Maybe he is joking, and like I said, he's not doing it with bad intentions. But at the same time, wouldn't you get annoyed if your best friend said and did these things in front of you? I know he's not doing these things to hurt my feelings, but there is a limit to how much someone can joke with you and for what amount of time. In addition, I was still healing from a heartbreak while he kept joking about relationships around me. At this point, I feel he's blinded by how much he's in love with his girlfriend that he fails to see his own friend's suffering. If I had a girlfriend, I wouldn't joke about relationships to anyone. If someone is healing, let them heal.

 

I understand what you're saying at this point. However, he is still my friend no matter what. The obstacles that we've faced and the accomplishments we've achieved surpasses the conflict that him and I have encountered this last year. Sometimes I've thought of his relationship ending the way that you described. But because of the strong bond that we shared, it would be wrong for me to wish for something like that.

I have to let time do its thing. I'm sure that one of these days, he will understand my side of the story. And let's say if he does get taught a lesson, I'll be there to help him. But first, maybe I'll let him suffer just a little bit, so he gets the idea. The point is, I understand what it's like to be hurt, and sooner or later, he will get the message once it happens to him. Until then, I'll let him enjoy his relationship with his girlfriend while he still can.