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Why do I keep thinking/feeling this way?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by determined488, Jul 21, 2018.

  1. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, so I'm sure most of you actively in this forum have seen my previous posts. I am a 20 year old male and still a virgin. I constantly overthink about losing my virginity to a girl who is also a virgin. There are a few reasons why I want her to be a virgin as well and they are the following.

    1. I want us to share that intimate moment together for the first time, and would appreciate it more if she was my GF.
    2. I am ghastly afraid of contracting an STD from a girl who is a non-virgin and refuses to get tested.
    3. I feel as if I have more to offer if I'm the only one who is a virgin. I don't want to indulge in a woman who has been with another man before.

    I constantly get repulsed on this forum for my thoughts and feelings, but the reality of it is... It is inherently difficult for being a young man in this world. I've been deprived of maternal love since the age of 1, when my little brother was born and received all of the love and attention from my family. Ever since then I've adapted a charming yet cold persona, a chilling personality free from attachment from anything and anyone. My friends even the ones who were in feared in high school feared me, because I had no remorse for anything or anyone. I feel like it is almost impossible for me to feel love again. I've only been in 2 relationships in my life, but none of them were ever official as the girl being my girlfriend. I was the one chasing, because they drew me in with their attention to me. Both led to me falling flat on my face in front of everyone I knew. So there has been a massive trauma in my love life as far as I can recall. The first relationship led to me being cheated on the entire time I was talking to the girl. The second one led me to being embarrassed in front of all of my friends at school for asking her out and she claimed she had a boyfriend. I saw her at the event I asked her out to with no boyfriend, I couldn't even talk to her anymore. Then a year later I saw her with a kid that teased me in high school and is her current boyfriend. Life can be so cruel sometimes.

    Now I am feeling very envious and jealous of others my age when they are able to have sex with a girl and she doesn't even care. Or guys who are a bit older than me scoring with girls who are my age. Like a girl who is 21 and dates a guy that is 30. I'm super private with my life and I know that it can sometimes sabotage something good I have going for me. For example, if along my nofap journey I happen to come into a relationship with a girl, and I find out that she is not a virgin, then I will subtly either interrupt our relationship, or just let her know straight up that she is no longer valuable in my eyes because she has been with other guys before. I know it sounds super selfish of me to say it like that, but the truth of the matter is, I really don't care. I needed a place to outlet my frustration without PMO.

    It's like, when I'm not successful yet the girls pay me no mind. but the moment I begin a new streak of nofap, the girls give me these looks of attention, when in reality I'm yet to meet one who is still a virgin and personable. When I do meet a girl who is a virgin and compatible, I will be loyal to her, supportive of her, and caring and respectful, because she respects herself enough to keep herself pure until now. As for the rest of the women in my life, I can give a rat's hat about them because they only want my time and energy.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2018
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Are you a virgin because mostly because you chose to be out of self respect or because of life circumstances?

    Just because somebody is a virgin doesn't mean they're "pure".

    How do you go about finding out whether they're virgins or not? Do you ask them on the first date?

    Can you really trust that they're a virgin? Maybe their idea of virgin is contracting an STD from giving blowjobs, but never vaginal penetration.
     
    determined488 and Carrotman like this.
  3. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    First of all thank you for not judging me and being understanding, I appreciate that. I’ve found myself being a virgin due to a mix of choice and self sabotage, i’ve Had a few chances my senior year of high school to have sex but I didn’t move forward with it because the girls weren’t virgins. By virgin I mean someone who hasn’t had any sexual intercourse at all whatsoever. And the first date is never really the first date, it’s a stage that sets it up for the second date, which to me is the first date. So yeah, my ideal first time would be with a person who is my girlfriend and also a virgin. Until then I can wait, and when the opportunity comes again with girls who are not virgins, I will simply decline for the risk of STD’s
     
  4. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Where do you meet women and how do you plan to increase your chances of meeting these virgins?

    It's hard enough to find someone you're interested in. So this route you're going definitely needs a proactive plan rather than just leaving it to chance.
     
    determined488 likes this.
  5. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    Usually I meet girls in coffee shops or on the train, more often than not through my old career. I was a real estate broker and I met a bunch of attractive girls, I don't know if they were virgins because it was strictly business but I was able to socialize with them quite frequently. I appreciate you speaking to me with some sense. It isn't like my dream girl will just poof up and appear into my life like a magic wish lol. I have to form a proactive plan then. I plan on first increasing my attractiveness through nofap, working out, reading, being more social, fixing my finances, going out more to places where girls my age are. Then I will have to form a funnel of potential girls and filter out the unworthy ones (Non-virgins). there will be a lot of non virgins since most women in my area are sexually active from a young age. Then I can filter them into possibility of having sex, some girls want to wait until marriage and some just haven't found the right guy yet. I can be the right guy. Then I can pick one that I am most attracted to mutually and go from there. If it doesn't work, I can keep trying until I find one that works.
     
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like a good plan.

    Maybe try online dating as well. Not Tinder. Something more like eharmony. Something where you can advertise what you're specifically looking for. It might bring some good prospects, it might not, but it's something worth considering.
     
    determined488 likes this.
  7. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciate your perspective on this. Most people are too judgmental of my situation and project their insecurities on me. Thanks man
     
  8. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Most people can go fuck themselves.

    You're welcome and good luck on your journey.
     
    determined488 likes this.
  9. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    There are about 12% of women 20-24 who are virgins. Simply rejecting 88% of the population because they have had an experience you have not had is a great way to end up alone. The percentage of people 25-29 who are virgins drops to less than 5%, and drops to about 0.3% by age 40. I'm a 30yo male virgin, and I used to think like you do. Why should I settle for someone who doesn't hold themselves to the same standard I do, right? But at my age, I'll be lucky to find a woman who isn't psychotic and doesn't already have kids! I pretty much have the choice of either lowering my standards, or giving myself a Darwin award by being too stuck up and prideful to reproduce. I lost my requirement that my future girlfriend and potential wife be a never-married virgin. It's hard enough for a man to find a kind woman near his age who's at least marginally attractive and won't cheat on him. Each requirement you add drastically cuts the available selections even further. I know it sounds mean, but I just don't want you to end up at 30 like me where basically, all the good women are already taken, and the few left are batshit crazy. I wish I could go back in time with what I know now. I had a chance to be with a great woman when I was 19 and I blew it. I think we would have ended up married with kids. It's basically the only thing in my life I really regret.
     
  10. determined488

    determined488 Fapstronaut

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    The truth is, I can’t go back in time to when I was 16 and find a girl who is a virgin, but i’m 21 and there is still a chance that I can find someone who is in that category. I wish you luck in finding someone who is compatible and a never married virgin, but I simply won’t lower my standards to satisfy someone who has had sex before. It doesn’t make sense for me to have withheld from sex for so long just to submit to someone who has not been disciplined enough to do the same. I will definitely break off a relationship with a girl if she tells me she has had sex before. It simply isn’t my problem that she may feel a way about it. For now i’ll Be working on myself to improve my chances, and I will not settle for less. If anything, I can seek a girl who is a bit younger (18-20). There is still time, never lower your standards bro
     
  11. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    Go for what you want
     

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