Why do I keep hurting her without her knowledge?

That's so great to here. Now that you're certain, just don't be afraid. This forum is a wonderful and safe place for support. If you ever feel down, never be afraid to reach out.

 

@LesPauline I'm glad to hear that! Honesty is always the best policy. I'm glad that everything worked out. Sometimes our worst fears are just internal and keeping them inside only gives them more power. Getting them out in the open releases a giant weight from our shoulders. Every day will be a struggle but every day it will also get easier. Thank you for the update.
As for me, this week of vacation with my fiancée and her family was definitely eye opening and allowed me to rekindle a portion of my relationship that was lost to P addiction. I feel so much closer to her now. It's only been 8 days or so for me but I feel can feel the love sinking back in. All will work out in due time. Just give yourself the patience you deserve. Thank you to everyone who responded on this thread.

 

Hey All, Just a quick question. I've noticed a problem that I've had in the past, and I came close today. I've noticed that whenever my fiancee and I get intimate, it's hot and heavy, and it's very pleasurable. The next day, mostly in the morning that I am feeling residual effects of being aroused. I get the feeling in the AM, but it can subside after an hour or so. I get extremely aroused, thinking about the night previous with my fiancee and it gets overbearing sometimes.

This morning, in an attempt to get rid of the arousal, I got a cold shower. I noticed it stopped after a half hour, but then I saw an ad on TV of a girl in a bikini and I became aroused again. I went into my study, and went on my computer. I navigated to a P website, and clicked on the first video, watched 5 seconds of it and then quickly exited, knowing full well the path that it would lead me down. I didn't commit to it and I just ended up going back in the shower and getting a ice cold shower.

Does this count as a relapse? I didn't M, but i did watch like 5 seconds of it and just quickly exited. I know the bad path it would lead me down, and i thought of the progress and promise I made to my Fiancee, and I didn't want to betray that.

Any suggestions?

 

@LesPauline - I definitely can do that. Ever since I've told her, we've been more intimate. I mean, it's not an every day thing, but it's at least 4-5 times a week. But sometimes I noticed that in the between days, the chaser effect is definitely strong. I don't want to pressure her honestly though, she has a bit of a lower libido than I do, but she did tell me that she has felt more beautiful ever since we've been more intimate in the past 2 weeks. So it is mutually beneficial.

@Kenzi - when you mean "Flatline" do you mean succumbing to it's effects? Like watching it full on and M along with it?

 

Thanks for this! Would you consider what I did a relapse? Or just in the knick of time to be able to stop it? I personally don't feel like I did give in fully, in fact I feel as though it was a mini victory. Should I just take this as a lesson and use it as a win since I overcame it?

 

Okay, well I can understand that.
I'm strict, but my biggest fear is giving in completely. Which I feel I didn't. I feel as though, I was tempted, and then said NO and stopped myself before partaking in anything.
Those are really my parameters. My parameters are basically, don't view porn, and if you feel aroused do anything you can to get rid of the urge. I am getting better. I think I play a think line though honestly, because I still do partake in M, which my fiancee knows, but since 13 days ago, I've only been using M and thinking about my fiancee, with 0 help from P, which is alot better than I used to do. My biggest thing is to not watch P and do M. Which I didn't. I don't even want to view P, because it can lead me to M while watching.
I don't view it as breaking my rules.

Maybe I'm thinking too much about it. I think best bet is to just continue on the path I am on to better myself.

 

@TryingToHeal - I can completely understand what you mean about it being considered a relapse. I think I'll reset my counter, but still consider this as a "small victory" since I didn't give in completely. It takes time to win wars.

As far as Hard Mode goes, this will not work for me. Not using this as an excuse, as I am not the only one in this relationship. Sex is a very important part of our relationship, but it's up to ME to seek help when needed and this is where I failed today. Instead of talking to my fiancee, I just gave in for a short period. I'm not saying that Hard mode isn't an option, but as I said, sex is a very important part of our relationship. I know I can do this while maintaining my sex life with her, however one thing that I think will be better for me is to abstain from M along with P. This may help me during the reboot.

 

This is definitely something that we can talk about. It is super hard to not be intimate with her sexually. Especially since I can get sexually frustrated. And honestly, even since she has a lower libido, she can get sexually frustrated too if we've gone too long. There's been times when we've gone 5+ days and we both got a bit frustrated. It wasn't anyone's fault, but we just had a lot going on with work, travelling, and what not.

I feel as though if i'm honest with her, we can figure out a plan and execute it. It may take some understanding and initiative, but seeing the results of no P after 2 weeks made me feel like a new man. Even though I had a tiny slip up today, I don't feel bad about it because I didn't succumb to the temptation fully. I caught myself and said NO. I reset my counter anyway because it is the right thing to do just as a reminder of how far in the past 2 weeks i've come.

 

Thanks for the encouragement. I know it's a long term battle, so keeping a straight mind is the best thing I can do. Think about the small victories and move forward.