Why did you quit porn for yourself?

I quit to save those hours I was spending on porn everyday and to get my life back. One other big reason of taking this step was that when I would abstain from porn for even a short time like 1 or 2 weeks, I could see the changes of that action in my life. I was happier, could do more quality work in office etc. It just took a long time for me to build the courage of taking this step of deciding to leave it forever.

 

In all honesty, I'm primarily quitting for my future SO. I want to "reboot" my brain and change my mental habits, so that I can prepare myself for a relationship with a real woman.

If I didn't have that to look forward to, quitting PMO would be a lot harder.

 

The catalyst for me was realising that as a Christian, it's not right. Which sounds kind of stating the obvious if you know much about the bible, but that's porn for you. If you feel like you've been lied to (and clearly you have), understand that porn lies to PA's dozens of times a day.

It says that its normal,
it says that its healthy,
it says that your wife (or husband) knows that everyone does it but just doesn't want to know about it in detail,
it says that it will teach you to be a better lover and it will help your marriage,
it says that you're too sick to be helped and you can't tell anyone,
it says that its not real sex - so there's no cheating,
it says that its better to PMO than it is to have an affair, so if you worry about self-control, PMO and you are protecting your marriage,
it says that your wife (or husband) - the one person you love most in the world - will hate your guts and run a mile if they found out,
it says that its just a harmless way to relax after a stressful day,
etc. etc.

You get the point. By the way, all of the above lies are absolute BS, but this is what goes on in the mind of a PA, because at the end of the day they - I should say, we - have an incredibly strong chemical addiction to contend with.

60 days no PMO is an amazing achievement. The chances are that he may relapse at some point. Out of fear, or one of hundreds of other reasons (based on the lies that porn is telling him) he may not tell you, or even lie about it. All I can suggest is that you help to create an environment where he feels forgiven for what he's done wrong in the past, supported by you because you recognise that this is an incredibly difficult addiction to beat, and work with him to pick him back up even if he relapses. If you can do that, he may be able to tell you when he's struggling and be completely honest with you. But if he thinks you don't understand what he's struggling with, or that you couldn't handle him having any sort of relapse, then I think its more likely he'll feel unable to be honest.

In terms of doing it for himself - apart from religious reasons, I suppose education and reading about the success stories on here of improvements that people have seen after quitting will help.

Take care.

 

I am quiting for my family, and for myself, this last time my wife wouldn't speak to me for a week and a half and it gave me a lot of time to reflect, I realized it was time and try a different approach. I used to lie like your husband and it was because I was embarrassed and scared. Now I'm honest no matter how hard it is. And I feel motivated to things for myself. I realized that I'm not the victim here my wife is and she can't fix me I have to fix myself. So when she was pissed at me still I told her that if she wanted to be part of my recovery and I mean for support not in my problem that would be great but if not then I'll go at it alone bwcause I can do it.

 

I quit for two main reasons.

Firstly, I am lucky enough to be on a year's sabbatical from work - a once in a lifetime opportunity to pursue hobbies, spend time with my family etc. and I was finding I was wasting hours on P and PMO
Secondly, it was beginning to affect my performance in bed and I felt I was letting my wife down.

65 days on I have finished the novel I was writing and am now able to satisfy my wife again in all the ways she likes.

ANH

 

Help with my ED and better align with my values

 

My SO has the same feelings and emotions. I've destroyed every inch of trust we've had. I'd hide and lie about it, I'd use incognito mode on my phone. It's not healthy. Why did I quite.... for me it's two reasons, first for myself, and then my family. I know I'm a better without living in a fantasy world. It creates so many problems in my relationship, it almost controls you. I hated myself. I've lived that life and it sucks. It destroyed my first marriage. I've been with my girlfriend almost 2.5 years and for the first time I've felt real true love. She's been amazing and been helping me through this with therapy and such. I am so grateful for that. Reason two of course being her.... if I don't change my habits and the lies and the hiding. I know we will fail and nobody wants that. I do it to set a good example for the kids we have. They don't need someone in their life that lies and hides things. We all have our reasons for changing. I just hope we all are doing it for the right reasons.

 

it helps with my social anxiety.

 

I am doing it for myself because I am doing it for my wife, and I am tired of my actions not being in alignment with my moral stance. Because P use is such an old habit for me, and I did not consider it a betrayal at the start of my relationship. As I have hurt my wife at different points in our relationship with my P use and my view of P use has evolved to be in line with her own (a betrayal, disrespectful, unneeded) I have hated myself for using it. Again the length of porn use made it difficult to stop. I no longer have an inner conflict of wanting to stop but continuing to pmo. The inner conflict of urges vs the desire to stop is one that leaves me feeling good about myself, not bad. I am not simply stopping to appease my wife, but rather to stave off the mental illness that my self-hatred would inevitably morph into were I to continue to PMO, to live a life that goes against my love for my wife, my desire to stop and various moral concerns that stem from consuming a product that harms not only my own relationship but the lives of so many who produce that product.

 

Very well put. I recognise many of your sentiments.
ANH

 

First i want to say when i told my husband outright and he was calm and supportive it was easier to tell him and be honest in the future. He used to get angry and so i hid relapses and was more likely to be dishonest.

Second i quit because nobody should be twisting their minds with this garbage. Its a drug, its fake, its bad for you, and it warps oir view of the real world and the people we love. Bit firstly i quit for myself, but so i could be a better spouse.

 

I could see it taking me down a dark road if I let myself stay lost in the fog.
It scared me and I realised how addicted I was. That's when I said "I need to stop".

 

I did it only for myself.
I can´t tell you the exact moment I decided to quit (fuck you brain fog!), but I eventually read about all the negative effects porn has on you. And I realized "That is me they´re talking about!". I had quite a few of the symptoms.
And to see if I was addicted, I tried to abstain for a week or so. When I realized I could not even do this, it was obvious that I was addicted. Sure enough it took me a few weeks to admit this to myself. And another year to admit this to my gf.
I think it is important, that you primarily quit porn for yourself. Because internal motivation always works better than external motivation. An internal motivation could also be "I want to be a better partner". But ultimately if you just do it, solely because your partner tells you so, you are bound to fail.

 

Hitting rock bottom was the reason I decided to quit my addictions (I was a female p and sex addict). 8 months ago my last guy left me and that was devastating. I didn't quit for my partner. I didn't have one anymore. I did it for me, the only person left. I could see I had my faults for the failure of my relationships and my life in general mostly due to my addictions. I had to fight for the Best Me. I knew i could have been better. I am in few days 6 months in my reboot. it is amazing

It is great your SO wants to quit. Lying for an addict is integral unfortunately but he talked to you about it so i believe confessing that to you was an amazing act of trust in you. It is not easy confessing that. Be with him and love him. i just wanna tell you that it can be done. I put all the strenght and my faith in God to overcome my addictions. Almost 60 months in reboot for your SO is great! Trust him and support him

 

Because I've realized that at age 23 my only sexual experience was through pornography. I was disgusted of myself, ashamed, angry, lonely, depressed, and I just decided that my porn addiction had to go if I were to ever live a life I wanted.

 

I want to take control of my mind and my urges. I often feel like PMO is a compulsion that controls me, and it makes me feel weak.

Also, porn doesn't align with my personal values. I don't think women (or anyone) should be objectified, and many people in porn are mistreated and exploited. On top of that, I dont want to feel like I'm betraying my wife's trust. I also want to focus my sexual energies on my relationship with my wife.

All that said, this my first real attempt to give up porn, and at times it has seemed easy, and at other times I have really struggled to reach this point. I just want a healthy sex life that doesn't involve porn.

 

Keep going with your reboot! You are doing great