Why are some people better than others at abstaining from pmo? (poll)

The funny thing is I don't have any self control, barely any will power, I'm depressed as bloody hell with no motivation, I'm always at home and my Autism seems to just make those worse. Especially my anxiety which makes me want to turn back to porn for relief and "comfort".

The only thing I do have is a partner willing to help me help, and also the feeling of not wanting to stay in this fucking rubbish state forever. I'm so sick of feeling lost and in a foggy daze, it's maddening. For me some things that have helped are seeing films where they grapple with addictions, like Trainspotting and Don't Worry, He Won't Get Far on Foot, where I can really see the similarities between their addictions as well as the withdrawals, and apply that to mine and how I feel. But despite those, I don't truly know what actually stops me from continuing, maybe it's the massive guilt and knowing I'll just end up feeling worse each time I do it?

I hope you find a way to keep your counter up, it's truly bloody hard when you're either dealing with urges or the severe depression that can overwhelm and break you down. Don't give up mate, there's always a chance and way out you just haven't found it yet.

 

Sorry for what Ginny is going through above... I hope she pulls through. Personally I think many factors determine a person's success or lack thereof at abstaining from PMO such as individual biological makeup and genes, personality, age, childhood upbringing, state of the person's mental health, familial, cultural and societal norms and values, possibly adherence or non-adherence to religious ideals/belief or non-belief in a higher power, willpower, motivation and free time as stated above, one's personal relationships or lack thereof and just one's lifestyle in general.

 

I registered on this site around a month back, before that for 2 months i was trying to quit pmo.
The current going streak is my longest till now. I am going to continue and not stop no matter what, no 30 day, no 90 day but like a life style thing. Now my worry is wet dreams. 2 nights back i was half awake whole night every hour some erotic dream was coming and i was hard whole night. But i don't know how but i always wake up just at start of dream.
But actively i am trying to calm things down.
Not taking heavy dinner and no warm milk before bed helps in controlling erections at night.

 

Still you have pretty impressive counter figure.

 

I guess it is, but for that amount of time I thought it would get easier but now I feel like a bloody dogs dinner.

 

Never be vulnerable in this time, lets take pride in declaring our ability to abstain from this PMO. As for me i have done this for past 15 years "without" skipping a day.

 

I am Iron Man. I have never relapsed, and I owe it all to being so sad and angry that most of lust is consumed by other negative feelings.

 

taking out positivity in negativity as well.

 

I used to think it was about finding the right motivation, but over time I realized it was probably more about every person's individual situation. There are a lot of contributing factors. I mean, sadly, there are people whose lives have really gone to ruins because of PMO and they still can't stop...

 

1. Some people have to hit rock bottom to go up again. There's no where to go for them but up. I was like this for a long time. Stubborn and skeptical.
2. Some people have a goal/purpose to aim for. Something they want so badly that nothing can stop them from going for it
3. People that treat mistakes as lessons and learn from them always do better in life

Personally, I was dealing with pretty severe depression when I first started and this and it made it really difficult. I got a lot of it figured out, a few days ago, and I feel much more confident about my chance of success. I use to obsess about where I was going in life, but now my goal is just to do better than I was before. It takes a lot of work: gym, getting up early, cold showers, keeping busy, strict diet. All the hard work and difficultly of this is what makes it worth doing. If you're addiction just "magically disappeared" it wouldn't feel nearly as good than if you earned it.

 

An important factor that you missed is sex drive. Men with lower sex drives will be less tempted/less horny

 

Enviroment

 

I wish it was as simple as a category or two (and it might be I just haven’t found the right category yet). For me, triggers are too much free time, lack of accountability and negative feelings.

 

All of these things affect the success in abstaining. I believe motivation and willpower are the most important factors. @TheSuperMan summarized it well. Once you get hit with something motivational enough, nothing will stop you. Like personally, I feel like I have no time left. Too much time has already been wasted, and I've seen where it leads to. I can't go back, otherwise I will compromise everything. My future and everything I desire would be affected. Problem with me is that I tend to be short-sighted. In the past, I've kept forgetting that time really is running and it wasn't clear in my mind that the good times are coming. I was too focused on the present moment, like that's all my life really is. That would make me feel negative. But knowing very well what I will achieve and where I will be motivates me to do everything. You have to have full belief and confidence in yourself. That's why it's "what I will do" and not "what I can do" .

 

I really don't know how I'm doing it. I'm online and home 24/7 literally without a life.
I'm superstitious and so I believe that the forum is sort of like my good luck charm if you will. See, I've been on the forum before and when I left after a period of a few months I relapsed harddd...I tried and tried and tried again but succumbed to returning here.
I'm depressed and can be extra depressed most days I don't want to be in that black hole again and view what I viewed which causes awful dreams and feelings. After a relapse/binges I have extra depression but a lot of anger during my days and would take lots of self control to control that in the few areas with a few things like around and with my parents.
The feeling of waking up after a relapse/binge is awful and continuing on for the day and trying to get back up to 1 days or 3 days and achieving a steady ass streak is definitely hard.
Seeing people do this all the time and having it experienced myself gives me the will power to not veer towards relapse.

Now, environment can help a little. Like, I'm still living under my parents roof and they are here almost all the time. The kind of house we live in can have something to do with it. How our parents would be able to tell can play a big role.
Yeah I would have the night to myself but we all know it turns into doing it during the day and for me that would be pretty obvious to my parents or 1 of them, such as my attentive and intuitive mom, as I think I've already had been when I used to.

 

There is no answer for this question.
Nobody else on earth has the same natural born talents, personality traits and belief systems developed over all of your life experiences, and the other things that make you… well, you.

Everyone is unique and special in their own way. When you fall into this comparison trap, you'll realize that you'll never be satisfied or contented. The more you compare yourself with others, the more negative emotions you would attract into your life.
You are uniquely you and only you can experience and achieve what you can experience and achieve in life.

You may look at someone else and wonder why you don’t have what they have, or haven’t accomplished as much as they’ve accomplished, or aren’t as happy as you THINK they are. The truth is, you’re better at some things than they are, you know things that they’d probably like to know, you might live a lifestyle that they wish they had - and you never really know what someone feels on the inside inside anyway, or who they are on the inside.

"Comparing yourself to anyone else would be like comparing apples to ANYTHING else that’s not an apple".​

 

Add knowledge! Knowledge about the danger of PMO! It's playing a big role if you want to be sucessful. At least in my case. Try what works for yourself and then pursue that.

 

I think taking a problem-solving approach helps. Keep a journal, write down what helps and what doesn't help.

Replace the addiction with hobbies and interests etc.

Learn to better manage strong emotions.

If you slip up, refuse to let it bring you down too much. Never give up.

Strength and honour.