Why am I thinking about it!?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Manfro, Feb 18, 2015.

  1. Manfro

    Manfro Fapstronaut

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    Hey all

    18 days in now, first time ever of abstaining.

    All of a sudden I cant top thinking about going on P to see my favourite 'actresses' as I wonder what new scenes they may have released. I'm not going to go on it because Im not going to let myself down, but why has my mind suddenly started thinking about them? The first couple of weeks were pretty easy for me but all of a sudden I have has this pull towards it.

    Also I haven't really noticed any benefits yet - will there be any? I just wonder if I am putting myself through this for no reason, apart from improving sex life with my wife and for respect to her, but as im going the whole 90 days without PMO I cant even test that :eek:)
     
  2. Aryan

    Aryan Fapstronaut

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    Resisting is not the best option.How long will you be able to resist it thinking about it all the time.Nofap is not just about PM its about improving your life in each aspects.
     
  3. UKagainstporn

    UKagainstporn Fapstronaut

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    This is my DAY 1. Tried many times before. This time I am going to succeed. I only understand the benefits once I f£$%ed up on Porn. I am out of the maze and there is no way that I am going back this time! In the past I always had this thought that once in a while won't hurt. Just like that last cig. It always does though. Stay positive. I am sure that good things will come. Best wishes.
     
  4. Manfro

    Manfro Fapstronaut

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    Thanks Aryan.

    That's kind of what I'm saying I guess, I haven't noticed any benefits yet. I try and keep my mind on other things like my photography course but for some reason I get spontaneous thoughts fantasising about P again. I think about it only for a few seconds before forcing myself to think about something else again but then randomly it just comes back again later. Does this urge fade in time I wonder?
     
  5. Manfro

    Manfro Fapstronaut

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    Thanks UKagainstporn, (I'm in the UK too) Best wishes for you too. We can do this I am 100% sure of it. I'd be interested to know if you found any benefits and what you do to get your mind of it. Good luck.
     
  6. UKagainstporn

    UKagainstporn Fapstronaut

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    Hiya Manfro. Nice to hear from a fellow countryman. For me the main benefits are living a fulfilling life. I may be a bit older than you, so my attitude may be different from yours. I have wasted many months PMO. Life is short. All we have is time and as that clock goes down, I would like to say I did something worthwhile rather than say I wanked off for many hours a day to images and videos on a computer. I feel like a drug addict taking a hit. Zoning out and than taking another hit. Today I have done some exercise, listened to some meditation music, read a book about the 12 Steps and finally listened to some GTA 3 music.

    I think Aryan hit the nail on the head by saying 'its about improving your life in each aspects'. Each day at a time and each improvement at a time. Later my friend.
     
  7. ACLHFM

    ACLHFM Fapstronaut

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    Hi Manfro,

    I have found from my experience that the spontaneous thoughts and urges do fade with time. So don't worry! I think it has a lot to do with how engrained they are in our mind. Our mind is like a field of tall grass. The more you travel down certain pathways of thought the more the grass gets tamped down in that spot and the easier it becomes to travel that path. If you have deeply engrained urges, like the urge to look at P for example, even though you may start making other pathways, it will be easy to fall back into your old habits and get "stuck in a rut". As you stop treading the pathway of P, over time the urges will have less pull on you and the pathways will start to grow over. It may not disappear entirely - our minds are incredible at storing experiences - but it will become weaker over time. In this case, even if you find yourself spontaneously thinking about P it will be easier for you to change your mind, especially if you have cultivated other beneficial pathways. So don't be alarmed if you have seemingly spontaneous thoughts arise from time to time - our minds hold onto a lot. Use them as motivation to keep improving. They can inspire you to become a better person. It is an ongoing journey that requires continuous commitment, so don't give up! It is absolutely worth it!

    I have found that one of the main benefits of abstaining from P and P-related thoughts is that I feel way more free than I did before. I feel like I am not a slave to those urges any more, and I feel better about myself and more sincere. Realizing these benefits took time - it was not just a matter of a few days.

    I wish you strength on your journey!
     
  8. ben_nofap_uk

    ben_nofap_uk Fapstronaut

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    Hey Manfro,

    Hope that you're still abstaining and things are going well? Just to say I'm in the same boat as you as I am married too. I've been keeping away from porn and have managed to keep all the urges at bay. Last night, for the first time since my wife found out about me using porn, she said to me "Why don't you give me a massage tonight?" That statement on it's own was enough to make me excited and it didn't used to be like that. I always saw having sex with my wife as something I had to do so she didn't get suspicious about my porn usage and I didn't really enjoy it. What I'm saying is stick with it man, it really works and I hope that you get your sex life back on track with your wife. It really does get better and the sex with my wife was totally amazing for the first time in ages :p:p:p
     
  9. Manfro

    Manfro Fapstronaut

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    Hello ACLHFM, Ben and Ukagainstporn,

    Thanks for your responses and experiences - I have to say you lot are totally inspirational.

    Im in my mid 30s and relate to a lot of what each of you have said. I too have wasted many months PMO and the main reason for me giving up is my wife and to free up time. If I benefit in other ways too such as improved mood and memory then its a bonus to me(!) but I haven't noticed these yet. I try and be around other people so don't think about having a fix. I have never been socially anxious, depressed and I have never had a problem talking to girls but also If I become more confident in these areas, then again great. As I said I am doing a photography course so I am trying to focus my energy in to that at the moment. After that finishes I will find something else.

    I like the way ACLHFM described the journey we are going through and how to use the spontaneous thoughts as motivation to keep improving. I can imagine the brain works like this and will eventually forget the old pathways. There is a lyric in a song I came across 'The more I learn the less I know about before' so hopefully the P will disappear. Feeling more sincere too is a big motivation for me so once these naughty thoughts have been forgotten, I think I will feel more sincere.

    Ben, I am still abstaining well thanks for asking, I hope things are going well for you too! It will be a waste of 18 days if I just have to start all over so I wont go back now. I don't think it has been that hard so far for me really - even with an urge I don't give in or even play. I guess I'm just lucky I can control myself if I really want to. I see you're a few days ahead of me - how are you getting on? I totally relate to what you said that sex with the wife felt something you need to do, and for me I would rather hit off to porn than make love to her even though I love her more than anyone or anything.
    One thing I will say is that the wife is doing the 90 days with me too so it will be amazing after!

    Cant believe I let this take my life over without realising it!
     
  10. victoryisnear

    victoryisnear Fapstronaut

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    Dude I'm going through the exact same issue. The first two weeks were a breeze but now as I am progressing towards my 18 day, I feel like I'm going to explode
     
  11. Manfro

    Manfro Fapstronaut

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    I know and its sudden and spontaneous right? Force yourself to think about other things - that's what I do. The way I see it is that I wouldn't want to restart the whole thing again so no chance am I going back - and nor are you. Read a book like our UKagainstporn friend above, play a PC tactical game which you have to really thing about, do some kind of work or exercise as people talk about, just try and keep busy. This feeling is only temporary and our minds will replace the old with the new in the not too distant future..
     
  12. ben_nofap_uk

    ben_nofap_uk Fapstronaut

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    Hey Manfro, I'm still abstaining it's going really well thanks. Having hardly any urges and those I do have I immediately go and do something. Yesterday I had one and went straight out for a walk :) Also, on the marriage side me and my wife had sex for the first time since she found out about my addiction and my honest opinion is give up the porn because the sex with my wife was amazing! Once you're not looking at videos and "sorting yourself out" real sex becomes so much better. Trust me mate, keep going the rewards will be massive! Take care Manfro, stay strong!
     

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