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Why am I doing this?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Zephon, Nov 28, 2018.

  1. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    Today I ask myself: Why am I doing all this? Why am I doing such stuff like university? Why should I continue with that? I didn't reach anything special in my life. I lost many friends in my life, it is like society is a fucking lie. And women? Don't have the luck and skills for getting one compared to other people (I didn't have many in the past and I am honest to myself, that I am not the guy for this). I thought it is just me, I have to change myself but how many times should I change myself that women will start liking me? So I give up changing myself, it wouldn't change anything. I also thought about cutting off my balls, so that I never think about the topic woman and sex anymore.
    I know, you would come up, that I gave some tips and hints in this forum, what some people should do and can do better. But that was because I am an idiot, that I believe in such things and was convinced about this. So that's why I think, I am totally wrong with my sight and opinion of the world and the society.

    Sometimes I think I should end all this. The last people, who like me, are my family. But my parents are not well today anymore compared in the past. My father has cancer and my grandma sleeps more during the day than before, since she fell and broke her leg (since this accident she is in a retirement home and it is unlikely that she can go home - she is very very old, you know).
    And I got doubts about my current friends, who live far away from me and who I meet most on vacation (from Spain, Netherlands, United Kingdom etc.). I gave them - when I had an active FB-account - likes, wrote comments on their pictures etc., but they didn't give me likes or comments about my photos and stuff I posted. When I wrote one of them a private message, they answer very shortly or I read "has read the message".

    What is left for me, that I should continue? Everything is a damned lie. It is a circle that never stops. The only way I could break it is suicide - the last time I had this thought was at the time of school in the past. If there is an afterlife waiting for me, I would take it for a new beginning. I fucked up in the past, everything what people enjoy (young years, sex, party etc.) went over me.
     
    AUTiger7222 likes this.
  2. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Man. Us humans can live up to 100 years and you're thinking that you've wasted your young years at 26? And don't think of it was wasting time, think of it as a necessary journey of learning. Everything bad in your life has needed to happen in order for you to realize everything and turn things around. Ending your life is not an option. Your parents brought you into this world just for you to go out like that? Your dad is already fighting cancer, surely you can also fight anything that comes in your way in your own life. If you don't like university, find something else that will make you happy. Though if you're getting near to being finished with your school, you shouldn't throw away all your time spent there, just get through it if it will benefit you. And about your friends, them not liking your pictures and what ever doesn't mean anything. You can't say they are behaving negatively toward you just because of their actions online. I sometimes only read a message and then respond a little bit later, doesn't mean anything. Same applies to short responses. Also how close are you with these friends, doesn't sound that close if your communication is mainly happening on FB. I've personally lost all my previous life friends. And I'm very young myself. Just yesterday I removed the last one from a certain media. It's been hard to build everything from scratch like new friendships, but my life has improved astronomically. I would never ever trade anything for everything that has happened to me. All those lonely, dark and miserable days when my life was stalling are what fuel my nowadays.
     
    xtremity likes this.
  3. Get me out of this

    Get me out of this Fapstronaut

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    Hey fellow been there tried that. I was so unlucky I lived! There is a reason you’re here. Any substance abuse issues ie; alcohol. There’s another way out just gotta find it. God, groups like this, I’ve been shunned by a whole host of friends when I had a drinking problem. That was 15 years ago and they still shunned me on FB. What other people think of me is none of my business
     
    HA96 likes this.
  4. ANJR6

    ANJR6 Fapstronaut

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    Life is suffering my friend. No one escapes it. Why are you at a university? I think that’s because you had a vision at some point in your life. And you’re willing to sacrifice the present (in terms of time, effort, pain) to alleviate future suffering. It’s a trade off, but one that is worth battling for.

    This is just me, but I think there’s a problem with wanting to change yourself for a woman. That’s the wrong mentality to have imo. We all have different motives, but at the end of day, I think we try to improve ourselves because the ‘process’ adds meaning and purpose to our lives.

    Try this. Focus on others. Wish people good morning. Compliment others. Truly listen to people. Get rid of the ‘friends’ who aren’t friends and surround yourself with positive people. Even if it’s just one! (Major life changer for me) Challenge your paradigm. You’ll start to feel your own ‘cup’ being filled. It’s the weirdest paradox, don’t ask me why. And that will inadvertently attract others to you...maybe even your future love.

    I used to be in your situation. One day I thought...if I’m this low and contemplating suicide...what if instead, I chose to live my life authentically? Being the best version of myself...surpassing even my own limited limitations. What if? I’ve got nothing to lose, F it. I’m already this low. It was like death in a way. A part of me had to die to start over. (Does a forest not flourish after a fire? That’s the analogy I like to use.) And, that was the catalyst for my life today. Sure I have my days, but I’ve found meaning, and that supersedes my suffering. It only happened because I took initiative to take control of my life.

    You got this brother. Habits don’t change over night. Burn those excuses and negative perceptions, and plant seeds to cultivate positive thoughts so that they in turn, can manifestst into + action. (Arduous physical exercise, books, podcasts, hobbies) I wish I can reach over the screen and give you a big hug. Best wishes on your endeavors my friend!
     
  5. Get me out of this

    Get me out of this Fapstronaut

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    Great analogy the forest! You’ve helped me. I’ve seen it and it is so true.
     
    ANJR6 likes this.
  6. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    @CH3RRY a lot of bad things happened to me (wrong friends, people bedruging me having a girlfriend, untrue rumors, circles of friends excluding me but keeping those who are worse than me etc.).
    I think I dissapointed them as a good son. My brother reached more in his life than I did. Soon he'll marry his girlfriend and will later start working where he'll swim in cash. So why should I annoy them? I believe I fool myself - and my family.
    Sometimes I really think I don't belong to this world. So when my family die I can follow them because nobody else will miss me.
    First I thought that would be the case too. The last time when I wrote someone they didn't respone but they could comment on someones picture.

    Yep I had a vision, what I could do better. I followed this goal, but... meanwhile I think, nobody honors it what I want to do.

    I did it so many times in the past. Compliment others, be nice but also make some jokes, be an easy person etc. It may work for you or others, but it works in my case just for a moment. Then they turn back from me like I had injured them.
    As kid I hoped that would be really work. But I was lying to myself again.
    That is what I thought 5 years ago: Trying to be the best version of myself. That gave me new options and new friends. But during the time I lost one by one, it was like I just build up a mask for them and it cracked during the time more and more. And there we go again with the case, that everything is a lie. I tried nearly everything, going outside, going to vacation, meet new friends... and everything went bad. It is a fucking circle of lying which makes me tired.
     
  7. ANJR6

    ANJR6 Fapstronaut

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    A lot of things happen to us. Sometimes tragedy on top of mayhem. This is why I admire men like Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn and Viktor Frankl. Despite major adversity, they made a choice to live life on their terms. I say, forget seeking validation from others. Those past experiences define you only if you let them. At some point, you have to make the conscious choice to actively change your mindset, but it takes a lot of work to do so.

    ‘Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms— to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.’ Holocost survivor Viktor Frankl.

     
    DelusionalSoldier likes this.
  8. AUTiger7222

    AUTiger7222 Fapstronaut

    This is word for word the same life I have. I wish there was a way I knew it was going to get better but I don't think it ever will. We're just not that lucky or blessed or whatever the hell you want to call it. We were dealt the death card of life. Sucks, but that's the truth.
     
  9. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    Watched this video. Some preparations are fullfilled already: Don't give a fuck about the people around me - like I mentioned before that everything is a lie. At least I could try to reach what I want to do before I leave this fucking planet.
     
  10. DelusionalSoldier

    DelusionalSoldier Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, man! I never heard about Viktor Frankl. I'm just reading Mastery by Robert Greene and I want to read about Walt Disney next (they say he had a tough life). But it seems Viktor Frankl is also a badass.

    I'm diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, live in a developing country, 28, live with my parents, still not graduated, back pain and, you know, I'm very grateful worse things didn't happen to me. I'm very grateful for the opportunity to know the story of a great man as Viktor Frankl. I love these kind of people. They inspire me and don't let me give up.
     
    ANJR6 likes this.
  11. letsgetstepn

    letsgetstepn Fapstronaut

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    I am 5’6, 33 yearss young and quite the opposite, have 2 kids and been with my partner for 10 years, never had an issue with girls but only when I reached my 20’s, I was you when I was 16 mate, my escape was always gaming but I wanted a girlfriend so bad all of those years ago due to what society told me I had to do, fuck that bro you are still young, females don’t need to be put a pedastool like that just because everybody else in your life has a girlfriend etc doesn’t mean it’s the best thing since sliced bread, the best advise I can give u is if you are so desperate go for personality only and fuck what she looks like, my first girlfriend was when I was 18 we were together for 3 years and she was ugly as fuck!! But I just wanted that comfort so bad at the time! just like when you are looking for a job, hand out 50 CVs and you are bound to get a job, just try try and try again with online dating, there is an incredible amount of lonely females out there as well mate, just start talking with every ugly ass female you see on social media and I guarantee you, you will find a girlfriend in no time that will have the greatest personality and will make you feel wanted which is everything bro!! Fuck looks, the lookers are just fake plastic cunts more often than not, they come later in life when they stop becoming so self obsessed and frigid, ever want some advise brosif hit me up
     
    Last edited: Dec 5, 2018
  12. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    Online dating, please... I tried it 6 years ago for several months and that is the greatest bullshit I've experienced: they were all scammer I've dated and I got also some bad responses from real women. Never more!
    I don't care what she looks like. It's the classic quote: "She should accept me how I am", but no one accepts me how I am and I'm sick of it, that I had to change myself. And if there are a lot of people bedrudging me having a girlfriend I can close this case for getting a girlfriend completely. I've met really a woman who are not the most attractive woman you would say, but I didn't care because I liked her very much. And a lot of dumbasses meant bedruging me for getting her with "she isn't the right for you" or "you deserve better women than her) etc. and I lost her later - they made too much pressure on it.
    Anyway, I finished this chapter "girlfriend". I don't care about this topic anymore because I know it is untrue for me.
    So at least I could try to make the best of my life - and I don't need a girlfriend for this.
     
  13. letsgetstepn

    letsgetstepn Fapstronaut

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    Fucking right bro! You've got the right attitude there, those people who tell you "you deserve better and shes not right for you" Those people are idiots, and you shouldn't give 2 fucks about what those people think bro, you've got female on such a high pedastool bro, I'll tell you from my 33 years and 15 years of relationships, they. are. over.RATED! Most females are very controlling to be blunt with ya mate, just keep trying brosif, that lucky girl will come your way sooner or later, hang in there, trust me! It will happen, I was a virgin until I was 19 and all my friends gave me so much shit about it for so long and it made me feel like an absolute depressed pile of shit, 14 years on, I run my own business, own my own house, have 2 kids and a fantastic family of my own, an incredible fiance of 10 years and all of those so called mates from all those years ago who gave me shit about not being good with the ladys in my teens are all drop-kicks with minimum wage jobs. That my friend is Karma and it WILL happen to you 2 bro.
     

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