When you have kids, how do you plan to help them avoid porn?

That's a really good question.. I guess for me, when I have kids the best thing I could do is always have the door open for conversation. I hope to be that kind of parent where I can talk to my kids about anything. Although I think the father should talk to the son and the mother should talk to the daughter when it comes to avoiding VR porn lol

I'd also follow my kids on social media and make sure I have their passwords too. Instagtam & twitter are basically porn websites depending on who you follow.

I feel really bad for the next generation of people to get hooked on porn. There is no doubt that addiction and especially porn and masturbation addiction has been a main factor in destroying some of the closest relationships in my life.

I have no doubt that the next level of technology will attract more people and it will turn a lot of those people into addicts.

 

I plan on being very open with my children when it comes the time I have some. I don't want to censor anything from them and I want to be as open and transparent with them. I want to make sure that they know that they can talk to me just about anything. Doesn't matter what it is. They can make their own choices, but they'll have to deal with the consequences. You do what you want to do, however, you'll have to deal with the consequences whether they are good or bad. That's my philosophy. In my opinion porn is bad and I will make sure they understand that, but it's their choice on what they want to do.

 

I am the parent of two daughters and our family is having problems with exposure and participation with porn and chat. The combination of internet access and personal devices is a deadly combination to children who have a curiosity but very little self control. In previous generations you had to go somewhere to buy/see/rent/consume your vice of choice. But the internet has allowed all obstacles to be removed and unsavory content can bypass all restrictions put in place by parents.

I have done all the things you were supposed to do. We had the difficult discussions. My wife is a stay-at-home mom. We are engaged in our children's lives. We frequently check-in with their mental health. I've talked about my problems in round-about ways. We used to loosely police their devices. We have a family friend that acts as a mentor. When problems started cropping up we had my oldest daughter see a therapist and get on anti-anxiety medication. And the unhealthy behavior continued. Schoolwork requires an internet access these days so completely cutting them off is not the solution... and trying to address root causes takes time... and sometimes they reject the good advice we try to give them.

Children are simply unequipped and too immature to deal with unlimited access to the internet. Their sexuality is budding but their capacity to control it is non-existent. They do not possess the emotional ability to process how dangerous their behavior is or the potential consequences of their actions. And they are intelligent enough to conceal their activities. My daughter found an old cell phone and was able to get on the home network to get around our restrictions! Parental security is woefully inadequate on most routers. They may do a good job filtering things in a browser but are completely unable to filter content in apps on tablets. There are products on the market now but they can be expensive and require a subscription.

Also, there are people out there looking to prey upon the curiosity of our children. It's amazing how many predators hang around children's websites trolling for innocent children. In-game chatting leaves behind no trace and no evidence. Many predators are oversees and cannot be reached for prosecution. Some of the teenagers on the other end are of the connection are just as damaged, emotionally stunted, or immature as our children. It is easier than ever for broken/dysfunctional/immature people to find one another. Even local schoolmates can start engaging in secretive online behavior with one another that spirals out of control. It is the manifestation of just how sick this world has become - no where is safe.

I'm still searching for the right answers. There may be children out there that are able to restrain themselves and don't need a police-state to keep them out of trouble. But this world makes growing up very difficult for out children. They are overwhelmed, depressed, anxious, and stressed out. Is it any wonder they are turning to addictive online behavior for relief? If my family (who is well aware of the online dangers that exist) are having problems I cannot imagine how many more families who are ignorant of the dangers are faring. In the end, I believe we just have to keep loving our children, talking to them, give them coping skills, medicate them if necessary, nurture them, and protect them from themselves and others... and hope they finally 'get-it' before they make a mistake that will affect them the rest of their lives.

 

So when is the right age to talk to your kids about avoiding Porn?

 

nothing better than developing their hobbies, kids have a big energy, they want always to move to play to descover life, from 6 at 14 they like activities full of moves, for ex : try to give a kid pc and bicyle, obviously he will choose bicyle, try to know what he like, whats his hobby and give him all what he need to develope this hobby.

 

I literally Just posted about this yesterday on the thread Kids (Doh!!). It's not just about sex or porn it's about talking to your kids. They are going to do what they are going to do. Be who they will be. You can't alienate them, only guide them, and barely that, hopefully they will make smart choices. Kids today are growing up in a world of technology that they didn't see development like some of us older people did and How do you bridge the conversation of connections between moderation of finding the answers at a click and living life for its experiences.
This is I think, in my opinion, the first point of where to start.
The sex talks are good @Shugi Shugi is all on point there, all of those things Need to be spoken of, not just the run of the mill birds and bees. @i_wanna_get_better1 also makes points on the more you do, the smarter you make them in, which isn't always the best thing... Which is what I'm ultimately foreseeing in my case (why I posted originally)
Where I am, kids get the sex ed in health class in 5th grade.
Parents should be starting conversations before that.
PG movies can have sexual influences. (I don't know if anyone has noticed)
You should start talking to your kids about sex when they have questions.
I already have.
It's the longest multiple conversion you will ever have with your kids over the longest stretch of time.
It's the fascination with technology that boogles me. I know the link is important. (now)
That needs discussion too. I feel like parents shouldnt leave it out.
I know this time I wont.

 

Every family is needs to come up with a custom plan that applies to their situation. There are going to be kids where you can have conversations with them and they stay away from the stuff. However there are going to be others who will instantly be drawn to it and can't stay away from it.

This is a very complex issue with a lot of variables. Communicating is a great first step, but I think a lot of non-parents don't appreciate that we can say all the right things to our children but that rarely provides enough protection. It's a developmental/maturity thing. For instance, there's a reason why people aren't legally allowed to drink until they're 21 or why young adults can't rent a car until they're 25. You can give people all the information in the world but if they are developmentally/emotionally not able to handle it then parents are obligated to do more. All kids do things they know to be wrong because they like to do things that feel good. Isn't that what we addicts do? We know it's wrong but we compulsively still do what feels good.

Here's another perspective... how many of us knew porn and masturbation were wrong? Even if we knew it would lead to addiction would the 15-year-old version of ourselves be able to stop? The internet and porn especially are designed to hook people... how much harder is it for children to recognize how they are being manipulated and resist?

Finally, this issue is bigger than looking at porn. I wish my family's problems were only related to looking at porn. Our children are sexting, Skyping, swapping naked pictures of themselves, mutually masturbating, and role-playing. The stuff they are doing isn't harmless entertainment. My 14 year old daughter has already seen a real adult man's penis on Skype!

This world is robbing them of their innocence and both free-range parenting and police-state parenting aren't working. I've said it before in my journal - you almost need a degree in psychology to raise a child these days. The complex issues facing our families are only going to get worse. Communicating is a great first step but every parent needs to keep their eyes on what their children are doing online and be prepared to intervene. To be honest, most of our defenses are inadequate to the assault we are facing.

 

And as always, so wise, @i_wanna_get_better1.
@Livelihood makes a good point too.
I graduated top of my class in DARE.... One year later I spent the next two years high as I kite. I was 12.
Something else to consider.
*clapping*
touche`sir.

 

I did not know about sex and porn until when I had a computer at 14 years old. Even then, I only started learning about it at 16 years old, a little late, but in the 90s generation, that was my life. Hence, I feel that maybe I would exclude computers entirely at home. While you are out and about using computers, I do not think I would search for explicit stuffs. This is just me, I grew up not having any clues.

 

I think i would lock my kids in a room which has nothing to do. Let them stay there til they become depressed and anxious, scared, then let them out and tell that's what an addiction does to u:making u feel all empty inside, all left is fear, then teach them about the addiction. Empathy, the most beautiful feeling which is not easy to be felt.

 

•For a start no mobiles until at least 13/14. And I'll be setting restrictions on it, like filtering adult content and passcode securing it. (I know they could probably hard reset it and then the restrictions will go, but they probably wouldn't think of that, besides I would password protect a reset function lol).

•I would completely secure the home computer and internet connection to block all porn, even stop proxies from working etc.

•They won't have their own pc until 16 minimum.

•They will do constructive activities in their spare time not technology.

•I will also tell them about the dangers of porn, it would have to be very censored.

 

10 years ago I was 13, homeschooled, not much internet, not much sexual interest, and I liked being outside. Then one friend said "hey, check this out". He was 11 at the time I think, and had learned of porn at school.

And another thing to be aware of is the body shame brought on by porn and media in general. I knew a girl a few years back who was 15 at the time. Very insecure about her breasts being too small, and being too fat (even though she was skinny) among other things. I didn't connect the dots at the time, but she did watch porn and now I'm partially blaming that for her insecurities. I wish I'd done more to be a positive role model for her.

Just some things to keep in mind. And reasons why I don't plan on having kids any time soon (or ever?), for now I'm single and fine with that.