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When is it gonna end?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by rivari, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. rivari

    rivari Fapstronaut

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    hey people,

    Im a 27 year old student from The Netherlands, english isn’t that fluid but good enough i guess. Im feeling lonely and for years now. I always told myself that i could handle it very easily and that im kind of a lonewolf. The problem is that im having problems since i was twelve. It began at school.

    Starting at highschool guys were bullying me, at the same time my parents divorced. I had a couple of friends but they left me, busy with themselves at that age and i was in a negative mood so not a fun/interesting person. I started feeling lonely and when both of my parents met new partners that were seriously trying to break me, i collapsed mentally. I had no energy, no smile on my face and no motivation. Even sports went wrong. After a few years i was done with school. I didn’t really made friends due to moving two times to a new house and changing school two times. Only one thing brought happiness, watching porn.

    Ive had two serious relationships but it was a struggle. Letting people in my heart emotionally is difficult, i just dont trust people. I like women a lot but to have a good relationship you need to rely on your girlfriend and don’t feel sad when they do things that can hurt you. The problem is that my life experience so far has brought me lots of negative thoughts about myself and society. Every time that im trying to be positive about new people at study/work/sports i get excited about them but that ends when i notice that their not honest or disloyal. Im very honest and loyal myself but i have the feeling society in 2018 isn’t made for honest/loyal people. Your last photo on insta is way more important, i hate it. Im not using social media, would be my next addition besides porn. This maken is even harder meeting new people since the world is full of it these days.

    So after all these years i have made a couple of friends but their busy too. I dont see a lot of people. I try to do yoga in a class, do crossfit, run outside, go to study. Im a nice person that has sence of humor and i can talk about everything but making new friends is as hard as winning the gold medal for me.

    I feel like empty sometimes using porn to compromise, but it makes it more worse. Thats my way of doing for 13 years now, too damn long. I started nofap today wanting to chance. I gotta chance, loneliness and porn ruined my life so far, damn hard!
     
  2. outlander.9

    outlander.9 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome and congrats for taking a big step!

    It's real hard for guys our age to break this habit because at this point its just become a part of life.

    We've all got problems, and loneliness has been a big one for me too. It's worth remembering that it's not totally healthy to depend on the approval of other people to be happy. Make sure to take some time to work on yourself along the way and no matter what you'll be in a better place before you know it.
     
    rivari likes this.
  3. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
    NoFap Defender

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    Thanks for your statement, guy, it's something many of us can relate to in many ways. I don't wanna elaborate here -- but we can always do PM if you want.

    About the subject of being disappointed in people, two things:

    First, people in general as well as your friends. Please note that everyone is imperfect and that you do not get to choose their imperfections. W have to know that everyone will disappoint you in one way or another or at one time or another... because they are not perfect. We are all in many ways limited but that does not mean that we're not worthwhile. The trick is to (a) associate with the people you think have the purest heart and the best human qualities -- even though they too will fall short of divine perfection -- and (b) learn that the challenge and task in life is to love, support, and help them _despite_ their limitation and _despite_ the fact that we will all disappoint in one way or another -- including ourselves. I know you've been hurt and probably even abused that that makes you particularly sensitive to all this... but you probably also have the capacity to grow beyond resentment and the illusion of superiority... to embrace your fellow human beings in ways that will raise both their and your human qualities which must include the capacity to disregard what's weak and unfortunate and build on what's strong and constructive in people. Holland is a great place for that since people are relatively convivial (even though that does not make them more perfect).

    Secondly, for that very special person, two things: the more you build yourself up to your own potential the easier it will be to pair up with someone who understands you. It's like this: the less you become your best self, the less easy will it be to find the right fit. So... don't be in such a hurry, if you can. 27 is a lovely age, but you'll probably live to 93 and with all that childhood hurt it's not surprising that you're on your own timeline. I'm not of the view that you have to work through 100 heartbreaks to statistically find a good person for you. I think you should raise yourself up until you will attract a better person for you who, while understanding your own weaknesses, will appreciate you for what's good in you.

    Good luck!
     
    Marik757 likes this.
  4. HaiAnhJumi

    HaiAnhJumi New Fapstronaut

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    Look for sports, books or outdoor activities. That's the way to make you better.
    >> cac-bai-thuoc-dan-gian-tri-benh-cho-ga-hieu-qua-toi-99
     
  5. rivari

    rivari Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, i do more sports, like running and i want to learn how to play guitar, cant do shit now haha, why?
     
  6. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

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    Goedenavond mijn vriend! Although, I am from another nearby Germanic country up Northeast (Sweden), your life-story is in many ways similar to mine. I was bullied throughout some of my adolescent years (between the age of 13-19) and had divorcing parents simultaneously. My only resorts at the time were my sport which I was practicing and pornography.
    Although I was a quite moderate user for many years, it ruined so many parts of my brain and soul that I almost didn't want to live at times.
    Two years ago, I was almost hitting rock-bottom mentally and decided to make some drastic changes before turning thirty. Since that miserable week in October two years ago, it would take me another 15 months before I jumped on the NoFap-train and here I am today, feeling greater, more confident and attractive than ever. It is also getting better by every day of abstinence so there are great things ahead for you as you manage to keep your streaks for longer.

    Veel succes!
     
    rivari likes this.
  7. LessieBurna

    LessieBurna Fapstronaut

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    Ik ben uit NL, dus als je wilt praten. PM me maar. Heb wel wat onderzoek gedaan ook. Dus misschien kan ik je helpen in je eigen taal.
     

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