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What's wrong with me?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by RVD1185, Apr 16, 2019.

  1. RVD1185

    RVD1185 New Fapstronaut

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    All those suffering from porn addiction for most of my life, I am just now recognizing it and trying to do something to get control. My current girlfriend of a year has helped me notice my addiction because she also suffers from drug addiction. I have never given it much thought before now. The only problem is, I feel like when I open up to her, she is only hearing part of what I'm saying. I want to be 100% honest with her, but her reactions sometimes steer me in the opposite direction and right back to the porn search out of spite. I hate that I turn to porn immediately after an argument. I don't even know what porn has to do with it but that's what I do. Recently I was incarcerated for a little over a week for unpaid tickets, which is another issue of mine, just ignoring my responsibilities. Then ended up losing my job of 11 years and my driver's license. Yet I still resort to looking at porn and masturbating. I don't even fully know why because I have a beautiful girlfriend who is very open sexually with me and the sex is without a doubt the best I've had. But still, I resort to porn. It has affected my life in the worst way. And I have no motivation to get out of bed and look for another job.
     
  2. Welcome RVD1185! Seems like you got a lot on your plate. While everyone behaves differently, many use P as the quick fix to difficulties in their lives. Whenever there is something uncomfortable or negative in our lives, PMO is providing a quick gratification to cover up or distract us from whatever life has thrown at us and which we would rather avoid.
    There are many resources out there outlining how PMO is not that different an addiction compared to alcohol, drugs or whatever else is there around.
    It is great that you have a GF who is close and who you can relate to. She is fighting her own demons having an addiction herself. I guess you can help each other, but eventually most of the heavy lifting will have to be done by yourself - you cannot do it for her and vice versa.

    I believe it would be helpful to get proper help locally and in person. While the forum here can be really supportive to motivate you, encourage you and get advise on many details in your daily struggle, most of us here are not professionals and nothing comes close to proper face-to-face counseling.

    You made already huge progress by coming here determined to change, bravo for that!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 17, 2019
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  3. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    First welcome to the forum. You are new and you will learn a lot during this journey. First, this addiction is about you and has nothing to do with her. You've been addicted since before you met her. You use porn like a child uses a pacifier, it's a self-soothing technique, a mal-adaptive one. You use it when you are in pain, feel overwhelmed, negative emotions, etc.

    Eventually in your journey you will learn when you first became addicted, where your addiction stems from, whether it was a trauma, a bad childhood, neglect, etc. You will learn how to overcome this through coping skills, identifying triggers and urges, and you will learn how to redirect.

    I quoted you because I wanted you to pay attention to the language you use... "Her reactions steer me in the opposite direction and right back to the porn search out of spite" this sentence you need to heavily pay attention to. Just remember, you are making these choices. Yes, things affect us, but it's us who choose how we act out when affected.

    Maybe fighting is a trigger, maybe seeing your partners hurt from your porn is a trigger, but if you know it's a trigger you come up with a list of 5 other things you can do than use porn.

    You use porn because it's what you've done for years to "feel better" and cope with life stressors and every time you used porn you were reinforcing in your brain that that will fix things.... but it hasn't and it's hurt you in many ways.

    You can overcome this, and while you are here you will learn a ton of stuff. Check out my resources thread I created to get a jumpstart on recovery. I created it for new comers so they don't have to fall into the mistakes that my partner and many other addicts made.
     
  4. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    You are addicted like me. My ex girlfriend did every fetish I like and after that I still went home and watched porn. I'm so fucking addicted its crazy thinking about it now.
     
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  5. Sorry i don’t like that you’re addicted, but I do appreciate the statement of your ex doing everything you wanted and you still watching P. That never made sense to me with my SO. I always imagined I just wasn’t enough.
     
  6. JesusStrength

    JesusStrength Fapstronaut

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    Its not that.. Its just addiction.
     

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