What's the way you flirt?

well everyone has there own spin to it buts it about being upbeat and not serous is key to flirting

 

Nice link, but it gave me contradictory results in the separate categories.

I tend to use flirting to build rapport in a relationship, make things friendly and playful.

 

Mr. Burns, you still got it!

 

Yes, Excellent

 

Flirting is pretty much trying to make the other person blush.

You can do that by expressing yourself honestly, making your intentions known, body language, teasing, and just generally having a fun, playful, and carefree attitude. The tone of your voice, your body language, your eye contact, the way you smile, your attitude, etc. It all plays into it. Even your thoughts and feelings play into it because they express themselves through your behavior.

It's kind of like a game of chicken. If you place more importance on the other person's validation / reaction or the outcome in general, then you're going to blink / swerve first. If you place more importance on your self value and what you want, then you wouldn't blink / swerve as easily. The person that reacts more is most likely the one to blink / swerve / blush first.

Your inability to be controlled by others (reactive) is power here. If you need a specific outcome to happen or you need that person, then you will lose power and you'll end up placing more importance on the wrong things. Thus becoming reactive like a leaf in the wind. Rather than a solid rock that knows who you are and what you want.

So the way I flirt is I do and go for what I want while expressing myself in an honest way. It might be messy, awkward, and non smooth. It might not work at all. The outcome might be defeat / failure / rejection. BUT I'm expressing myself in a way that will resonate with some people rather than trying to convince the wrong people to be with me.

So what does this all look like? Shameless and unapologetic truth. Pointing out the elephant in the room. Unwavering honesty and following my desires fully. All while placing importance on my behavior, the person I want to become, and the life I want to have rather than a specific outcome with a specific person.

Okay, that got way too deep for something as fun, carefree, and playful as flirting lol.

 

Flirt with everyone.

Obviously, it doesn't have to be sexual, but practice having carefree and playful interactions with others.

Young old / big small / short tall / women men / rich poor / gay straight transgendered / etc.

Flirt with everyone.

Old women love that stuff. They're the most fun haha.

 

I think you're talking about radical honesty, not flirting. What you say about being true to yourself seems right on point, but I'd say flirting has another component. When you flirt you are trying to get a specific reaction from the other person. Like you say, you're trying to get them to blush, to be lightly embarrassed, to feel teased - all with a playful touch and without judgment. Flirting works because it puts you in a position of power (you're the one teasing) while creating rapport and making the other person feel at ease with you. There's a push-pull element to it, which is essential for all attraction.

I totally agree that you shouldn't be reactive. But to flirt well you need to be centered on the other person's state, not your own. The goal is not to express the truth (as in radical honesty) so much as to create a certain state for the other person, to get them to react a certain way. That's why scientists and accountants tend to be poor at flirting and politicians and actors are naturals.

 

This is probably great practice for your flirting skills!

For me though flirting always involves sexual intent. That's because flirting means putting yourself in a dominant position while trying to pull the other person in towards you. I wouldn't flirt with men unless I was sexually attracted to them.

For me playful is different from flirting. It doesn't have the dominance aspect. For example when you playfight, you don't put yourself above the other guy, you stay on an equal level. And when guys are playful with each other they typically don't try to pull each other in (unless they're gay) the way you pull in a girl in flirting. Guys usually fight and compete with each other. And consider that guys rarely horse around with girls. If they do the girl might be called a tomboy, which basically means she's not a sexual object for them. All this to say that dominance and sexuality go hand in hand, which goes back to the basic biology of penetration.

For straight guys I'd say: horse around with guys, flirt with women. Not vice versa.

I'm not an expert, but for gay guys maybe the reverse?

 

And what if my truth (following my desires fully) for someone is sexual? Then my intention is to get them to react a certain way.

The reason I focus mostly on what I want and how I want to behave is because I can't control the other person. I'm going for what I want and it's their choice whether or not they're interested in the real me through my honest expression.

This isn't pickup techniques or methods that aim to control anyone and everyone. It's to seek people that resonate with me. Not to convince people who don't want to be with me to be with me, but to attract the right people to be with me.

 

Hmmmmm. I think I'm just blurring the lines between teasing and flirting, but you can practice many of the same elements with everyone minus the sexual intent.

 

Your view is quite stoic and individualistic. I make my choices, you make yours, end of story. It reminds me of the philosopher Leibniz, who thought that each one of us is a separate monad acting out our own internal path and that we never really interact, it only seems that way. I think it's a beautiful perspective, there's something very pristine about it.

My view is different though. I think choice is important, but there's a vast territory where you can't clearly distinguish 'you' from 'I', your choice from my choice, etc. To a large extent we are interdependent, whether we like it or not. Sexuality is a good example. When you come across someone attractive and your instincts are working properly, you will be attracted to them. You don't have a choice over this. You might choose to express your attraction or not, and you might even hide it from yourself. But the attraction is there just in virtue of you having a sexual body.

Power and influence is another example. We influence and control each other all the time, there's just no way around it. We take cues and react to each other, and most of it is on the subconscious level. Freedom and self-control is a noble pursuit for sure, but it can only go so far. Like the New Age people might say, we are all grounded in the Earth and connected through it.

 

Yes. I'm human with earthly desires. I'm susceptible to influence, attraction, and being attached to the external. I just don't like to dwell on outcomes. I follow my desires and do my best. Whether or not I worry about the outcome, it's still going to happen. So I might as well just find out with curiosity rather than fear. Not everyone is going to like me just like I'm not going to like everyone. I accept that not everything works out in life. That's why I place more importance on what I'm doing rather than living in fear of outcomes.

 

For me teasing and not taking them seriously (only when it's not required to be serious)

 

I go for over the top romantic gestures and being extremely direct. I like to approach women while they are in groups for maximum effect. I like being comically formal, or comically informal.