Whats the long game?

Nah, it's not. It doesn't work like that with addictions. You can't ween yourself off slowly, because though it may seem to work alright in the beginning, eventually you'll jut crave it more and more. You just have to quit completely.
Okay, so you feel you can't quit PMO? So start with just quitting P, because that's dangerous and problematic all on its own.

 

Personally, I'd recommend ditching the lot. MO can often lead to P - I'd suggest you need to completely reset the craving instead of just watering it down - otherwise you're acting like an alcoholic who says they won't drink spirits, but beer is fine... or a gambling addict who won't go to the bookies, but still plays fruit machines.

 

I gave the MO only thing a shot, didn't work out so well, hahah... So I'm going all out.

For me, the end game is deep healing and recovery from early traumatic experiences, emotional and sexual. I started off (this is years ago) thinking that I just wanted to get away from porn. The intervening time has taught me that it's a much more complex affair than that for me.
From my experience and even what I've seen here, attempting nofap in order to find a partner doesn't work. Unfortunately we have to go deeper, and slowly wear away at the defenses we've built up around the reasons we've ended up watching things that make us feel ill for gratification.

 

Probably best to regulate, because you're still learning not react to every single small urge.
However, I agree with what @Dakshinamurti and @Bombadil said: best to cut it off completely, and to keep trying that way, even if it's really hard. I should've explained this earlier: the same way that trying to regulate PMO will just cause you to eventually going back to it completely will also cause you to eventually go from regulated MO back to full PMO. Because your body will crave a more intense pleasure every time.

Having said that, if you really can't stop PMO completely, quit P, learn to regulate your MO and then eventually move on to quitting also MO.

Good luck!

 

Many people here find it difficult/impossible to O without P, or at least, thinking about P. Even during sex. If you are this far gone than giving up everything is necessary (but so difficult).

 

To quit porn and masturbation. It no longer serves a purpose in my life and only causes sadness

 

Judgement is impaired when person is aroused or high, it is fine to feel different about things once you are back to normal and regain your rational though.
You were basically in trance and people in trance accept things easily.
Maybe you will will begin to appreciate how advertising works a bit more once you realize this is exactly the state adds try to put you in.

 

That's beautiful, succinct and has given me a single sentence to contemplate today. I've woken up in a rather high-energy and confused state; I needed something short and sharp to carry with me. I love that thought of PMO no longer serving a purpose. For me it did at some point, it kept this really deep sadness at bay, but I'm at the point now where I am willing to confront that and transcend it despite how difficult it is.

I think that's a really great insight as well. I've heard of the concept of 'consensus trance,' in which the majority of people are united in this altered state of accepting 'what is,' ie believing that career and status are the only goals in life... It is definitely a very Matrix-y idea; the more one starts to question that and think for themselves again the more they can see a lot of people around them being completely complacent and unwilling to challenge their fundamental understanding of the world.

I'm going to take this with me today also, as I'm a bit of a social conspiracy believer and it's a powerful thought to think that, above and beyond breaking my own conditioning associating PMO with alleviating sadness, continuing to abstain is allowing me to take another step back from many other behaviours I see as destructive such as comfort eating etc. and see that it isn't actually helpful or beneficial to engage in them; more's to the point, they're completely unnecessary for my survival.

There's a period of pain and discomfort while I break away from these behaviours but for making this journey I'll end up regaining a lot more independence, which is one of my major life goals.

 

You are taking this a bit too far. Humans are a big mess of at one side logic and reason and on the other side instinct and animal behavior.
So being smart, creates problems where you may get too smart for your own good, for example you may not eat something if it does not taste good when starving, or not have sex because it is too tiring or not fight back when attacked, to prevent rational brain from messing with core motivations and inevitably killing the species our brain has ways to suppress higher thinking and just get stuff done.
We have to engage in behaviors that may seem outright disguising to us, but we have to do them. So we evolved mechanisms that will suppress our reasoning in order make us feel focused and motivated when we lets say fight to kill, or consume food etc
When these mechanisms are engaged our ability to rationally think is impaired we are just not getting a strong signal from them, there is less analysis done and less concerns created, and there for things seem reasonable. Rational process is interference that affects thoughts, with it removed - person is more accepting of the situation, which allows him/her to get though it.

This leads to all sorts crazy behaviors that many can not even explain. As an extreme example woman being raped may all of a sudden enjoy the process, somehow she enters a state where she accepts it and goes though the process. Later she may feel incredibly conflicted and develop emotional scars not only because of the rape but also because of those feelings she had during the process, often feel deep mistrust, as if they were betrayed by their own body or mind. This happens to us humans all the time, and addiction is facilitated by this very state.

People relapse when they enter this state, the "rational decision maker" is suppressed so to speak and produces minimal interference, and lack of interference makes the person more accepting of what ever is happening.
Problem is that this suppression happens when people feel pleasure, or feel good. Naturally it means that what ever makes you feel good, should be explored and if it is a new activity you have to be very flexible to learn it.

This is exactly why any hypnotic trance induction starts with variation of - "you feel good, calm and relaxed" goal is to nudge the person in to feeling good, which then begins to chemically suppress reasoning and as they go deeper suggestions become more effective.

This is not inherently bad, we need this ability in order to survive, watching someone taking a shit is disgusting, but taking one yourself is not that bad, it actually feels pretty "liberating". Our brain works in clever ways.

 

Thank you.

That's what we got to remember. Don't just remember that for today. Try to remember that every time you want to relapse. Think what purpose it serves