What The Fuck is Wrong With Me?....

JohnPee,
Wow, I hope this isn't too harsh, but it sounds like a sorry life. That's what addictions do to us all, they make us pathetic people who would rather please ourselves rather than be with others. One of the key problems with addictions is that you can't just have a "little bit" of them because that little bit turns into another little bit and pretty soon a "little bit" becomes disgustingly ugly. I hope you find some plans and strategies, a helpful community, and most of all, hope for the future here.

I have found one of the most interesting parts of this community is the journals. Many members link to their journals in their profile (under their avatar). Here are a few that I have found particularly interesting:

@Sunshadow writes at https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/pilgrims-progress.75108/
Sunshadow writes almost every day with a brief overview of the day and a little sentence about any urges he had during the day. He has maintained several long streaks, the current one being 42 days.

@lifetraveler posts at https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/my-journal-for-accountability.156372/
lifetraveler might post one or two short entries in a day and skip the next day. In general, he posts at least once every two to three days and they are short easy reads but that give you insight into his life. lifetraveler is a new member but has managed to retain his streak since he joined. He now has a 14 day streak.

@ILoathePorn journals at https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/i-loathe-porns-journal.66420/unread
ILoathePorn's journal has turned into a sort of a philosophy discussion group. There can be some quite long posts from various people including ILoathePorn. These can take some time to read, but are generally rewarding. One interesting thing about ILoathePorn is that his wife is on the forms and posts in his journal every once in a while. ILoathePorn is a respected member of the community and has a 164 day streak!

You will also find many other journals. I'd love to read your journal. To start one, just go to the Forums Page and find where it says Reboot Logs, click under the right age group, create a thread, and write away.

Note: I am passing on the favor I received from people like @StopTheMusic when I was a new member.

C. J.

 

Hey @JohnPee ,

I'm nobody special on here. Just a regular user saying, "welcome".

There is so much support on this forum, the profiles and the various groups. It works if you work it. I don't offer advise. I offer only my ESH (experience, strength and hope).

My ESH is that NoFap is about action and that meant work for me. It is not about "not doing something", for me, it is about working my program.

Work it? Oh yeah. There's work to be done, that's what's worked for me. Two things I've found necessary.

1. I had to Learn the NoFap Program.

2. Getting involved with the community on here was vital to help my recovery.

Learn the NoFap Program
The resources listed on the "New Users: List of Rebooting Resources" helped me find my way around the reasons behind the program and the terms used.

They are:

• Download the free Getting Started guide.
• Set up a PMO-Counter Badge. More info here!
• Basic introduction to the science of porn addiction!
• Basic information about rebooting and how our challenges can help you recover from PMO. This is the most important page to read. If you only can read one page, read this one.
• About NoFap.
• Watch this video - it is an epic intro resource if you want to get particular details about porn addiction and how it changes how your brain works.
• This is a good light-weight video about porn addiction.
• Read through the journal sections and see what other rebooters have experienced. It is good to know what to expect, otherwise the "chaser effect", "the surge", or the "flatline" might throw you off.
• If you come across vocabulary that you can't understand, check out our rebooting glossary of terms.
• GET ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR HABITS! Sign up for a peer accountability partner. Otherwise if you want more professional-hosted solutions, check out NoFap Premium or Reboot Camp. If you can afford to invest in yourself, these are great options.

You can find this same list on the top of the forum you posted this message on at - the "New to NoFap" forum.

Get Involved with the Community
The community has been my lifeline. I've found journals I love, people who are very supportive and a place where I could get to work helping in a small way others.

Remember, I'm just a normal user with no magic powers. But, I can:

• Read Journals, and comment when I have ESH
• Find people I admire and stay in touch via their profiles
• Pick a forum and make sure every post gets and answer. I can't answer them all, but that's good - different opinions make for a better group.
• Post in my journal (I could be better at it - but I do milestone posts at least) To make a journal go to the section listed by age and start one. Keep all your journal posts in one thread. But, for random thoughts, you can create a new thread.

Looking forward to seeing you around on the forums,

* L

PS - Think of pmo like a wolf. Stay near the center of the group with the winners and the wolf has a more difficult time finding you. But, stray near the edges of the community and the wolf can pick you off.

 

I am totally with you brother. I to began doing it in risky places. Though I was able to stop that but it is time you told people or even your girlfriend. It is great joining this support group online but it will not be enough you need a real world person to know not just a bunch words that give you small hit of dopamine on your screen from other people. I finally have been able to share my problem with 5 people and let me tell you it makes my mind even more determined the opposite of addiction is social life.

 

Welcome here!....Well you are saying things I did myself, and I greatly regret, since putting oneself is the risk is a risk for one and our family,m reputation etc (but we do not realize it at the very moment). Stick to this place and will see you start to see yourself as you really are and will find strength to fight those aspects of your life you do not like.

 

Yikes!

 

I've never been in that deep, i have my own struggles and can relate to not knowing why i'm doing something while im actively doing it. A couple suggestions I have are put hard stops in place. Site blockers, change your password by buttonsmashing and copy/paste it in the re-enter section. And we all know how to get around self made blocks like make a new account or whatever, but having the stops in place gives you a few extra minutes to think it over, and decide if its worth the hassle. One other thing, u have someone in here saying maybe tell ur gf ... I would NOT jump straight to doing that. If you want to tell someone outside of here, go for professional help, and from there maybe they can advise you how to go about coming clean to your gf, but that is something you dont just want to throw out there and hope she gets it. Anyway I think taking the time to write all of that out and the fact that you came here shows u want to change, and thats a great step, and i wish you luck on your journey!

 

Hello! Bizzle here is right... You know, I have opened quite a few email accounts for my filthy actions and kept them as a reference (to receive emails, to search things, etc) and what I have done before is to change the password with a VERY complicated one, and once it is changed, just destroy the paper where I created the passwords....voila! I could never go back again...

 

I know you've been here a while, longer than me in fact, but I just wanted add my voice to the chorus of support.

As someone who works on trains, could you please not. If you're not concerned about your fellow passengers seeing you, or a Ticket Inspector seeing you and calling the authorities, at least think of the poor cleaner who has to take care of your handiwork. I can assure that they'll have drawn the short straw, and everyone in that depot will know of your actions and be discussing it (if not you specifically) for weeks to come.

Those are in the wrong end, and if it was a single malt I may just cry.

Seriously though, good for you for realising you have a problem, and how it's affecting your life. You'll get nothing but support here, although sometimes it will be in the tough love format.

 

What brings me to NoFap? Shortly after I finished this most recent cam2cam session at 4am, I was laying in the middle of the living room floor, surrounded by needles, cum, clothes, and my jizz glass, satisfied with my interaction.... When all of a sudden I hear the bedroom door open up, as my girlfriend opened it to let the dog in to see me..... the dog wandered in and saw the state I was in, and in confusion, turned back and left. I have no idea what my girlfriend heard (if anything) but I had a panic moment, where I realised, FUCK, this is going to ruin my relationship, and my life. If she caught me in that moment, she would have dumped my pathetic ass, and I would have probably been so embarrassed that I'd have one day killed myself or something.

I sat there in silence for over half an hour, trying to think of what to do, and how to clean up my mess. Once I slowly and carefully disposed of all evidence, what did I do?...... You guessed it.... Signed back in to Redtubelive and looked to see if the camgirl I was just with was still online.... I think that in my head I was hoping she'd be finished, after a good long session, but nope. She didn't actually do anything. I paid her for over an hour to sit there fully clothed and order me around. What the fuck is wrong with me? I feel so fucking stupid. Of course she's still online, she's working, she's making money. I'm probably the 5th or 6th session she's had today. I mean nothing to her, and I'm aware of that, but yet here I am, still thinking about camgirls. In fact, I still have the tab open right now.

I've never spoken to anyone about this, as I'm only now beginning to realise how problematic this has become, but I desperately need help. Does anyone have good advice or suggestions? What's your story? Have you found a way to put the brakes on it?

Thanks for your time, and I apologize for the long rant.

Welcome....and well, I think you hit the bottom and you are now ready to take off, up to the limits you may like. You are right: They are making money with guys like you and me, and don't feel crap about it, is just that we are victims of a multi, multi-million business that somehow detected many people could get hooked on this and then pay money, to watch, to be watched, to jerk with others etc...the truth is as simple as that. Now: since you noted what is all this about, you feel as I did one day: as a complete dumb ass. Well that is a good start. If I may give you an advice, look at you in the mirror and then imagine you doing what you have done in the past..then you will reaffirm what I said here (that has helped me a lot, I mean it!)

Welcome again and keep strong...you will find strong wind but will succeed!
J[/QUOTE]