What makes me angry the most? I am finally honest with myself. Time for improvement

I was always trying to avoid this topic. I was dismissing this problem and acted like there was not. But I am too tired about all this stuff and need to write it somewhere.
I don't know if it's a proper section, If not, please move post.

I am straight after relapse. I made it to almost 70 days, maybe this was not hard mode, but I only had fun with gf.
The thing that I have to admit is that my reboot success depends on other people - especially on my girlfriend/s. If I have one - I spend time with her, I talk to her, give and recive emotions. Even if I don't inform her about all this reboot and my problem, the fact that I have someone, who I can depend on, is really helpful. I am really emotional and sensitive person. but...

People consider me as a fu_k boy. I don't know why, and if I ask them they dont know either. This leads to awkard situations for e.g. A girls who are not emotional type think that I will be a perfect person to just have sex with and forget about everything.

I had a situation 3 months ago. I dated a girl from school for 2-3 weeks. We spent time in my house, outside, on some parties, shopping etc. She was 100% playing like she want a real relationship, so I continued dating her. She is a virgin. After a 3 weeks she wanted to have sex. Normally - who would not? She was really in my type, but I rejected offer due to PIED and I said that it's too early. She said something like "alright", but I felt that she is not ok with that. We finished our 'relationship' really fast.

I came back to my ex-girlfrind, we dated for 2 months and after our breakup I relapsed, because I felt lonely.

I don't think thats normal, but the thing that annoys me the most is the fact that all this people: my friends, my ex's, any other girls can have succesful sex, which I can not. It frustrates me so much. After breakeup they can find a new partner really fast and just have sex. I can find someone too, but thanks to PIED I am not able to do what I want. That's the worst part about porn addiction for me. I am afraid of vision of my ex's having sex, which I could not give them. I know, that I should not care, but I do. Everything in this makes me so angry, that I am just unfair, careless and boorish to other people.

I read a lot of self improvement books, seduction ones I want to test all what I have learned, but I am afraid to enter a higher level of relationship.

I started writing this theard an hour ago. Yes, it took me more than an hour. When I started writing this, I felt like I described above. Just really angry on other, but in fact on myself. Now with all the anger gone, I fell tired of this world and powerless.

It's a time to take real action, to overcome PIED, my relationships/sexual anexities and unjust behavior to people around. It's my fault, not their, I will overcome it. Now.

Edit: By reading this post again, I can see how I felt right after relapse (angry) and an hour later (helpless).

 

I wish I could test out, but unfortunately I had no way to do this.
I felt like I could have normal intercourse. No morning wood btw.
I will test after 65 days if it will help