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What is delayed ejaculation like for you?

Discussion in 'Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunctions' started by Tubal, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    My fiancé says the same thing he would love to have a quickie and I agree.
     
    marriedtoastranger likes this.
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Sure they don't have to orgasm to live, but most want to orgasm which is an understandable need and if for whatever reason they cannot with a partner they turn to PMO and it causes a downward spiral and lack of intimacy in the relationship.
     
    marriedtoastranger likes this.
  3. JustAFloorCrumb

    JustAFloorCrumb Fapstronaut

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    I had never came while a girl was going down on me until I completed my 90 days or so of this program. Shit works, man.
     
    PostiveChange1974 likes this.
  4. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    I have Delayed Ejaculation. Everything everyone has said here is true.

    Delayed means you can have sensations but you have no idea how to push to the end. It just happens or doesn't. DE with porn.... means you loose sensitivities.

    Yes, it weights on your partners minds. In my past marriage, she felt insulted, insecure, and un-excited by the fact that she couldn't control my release. She wanted to see my response. She wanted to be able to feel like a sexually empowered woman, and 'take me'. It was denied her. Give that I took longer than 40-60 minutes, even the best lube left her sore, and raw. In fact the only time I could get proper sensations was when there was friction from the lube starting to run out. Yes, her hand got tired. Yes, her jaw got sore. Yes, she was never excited to try to 'temp me into a quick one', because I've never had a quick one.

    I tried many things before my current NoFap reboot. She got the point where she didn't want to have intercourse but every 6 weeks to 3 months (and even then she treated it like a chore). So I would try to stop masturbating a week or more ahead of when I thought she might want to. But it created additional tension as I felt greater need, and felt I had no way to approach her. I tried edging for hours ahead of the actual session, by watching porn and reading erotica. But it created a timing issue. I felt immediate need, and if she wasn't open to intimacy in a few hours, I would be overly tempted to finish on my own. Even then it didn't create any additional sensations. I still felt disconnected with her afterwards. I even purchased a male toy that was marketed as being 'hands free' so that I could try to learn to 'be taken', but it didn't create sensations that pushed me over the limit (even with porn playing in the background).

    My current GF has a dysfunction of her own. She has never had a true orgasm. She can feel sensitivity, she can feel pleasurable, and she will continue until she just feels good. But she has never been able to be 'taken'. Even in my enlightened state, I wish differently for her. I attempted every technique I've ever heard of, with a variety and great patience. We practice clear communication when we are with each other, and I have her guide me. I hope eventually she might be able to find a different place.

    My reboot is for both of us. I want her to be able to take me. I feel that it will be growth for me, respect and honor her, and a gift to show her my attraction and love for her. I hope that in some small way, me being restored will somehow help her. I still feel very connected to her, but again, even in my attempts to not prioritize 'orgasms' as part of sex, I wish I could see her honestly squirm. (However, it does seem to make her more open to sex on a more frequent cycle. She does it for emotional connection, and to allow me to be more fulfilled.)

    In this.... I'm 50+ days in my reboot. While I haven't been 'taken' yet. I went from great difficulty feeling anything and having to give up during a session, because nothing was happening, to now I have good sensations, and I only have to slightly push for my release. I'm excited this. My own mild erectile dysfunction seems to be gone now. With some other mental exercises, I feel things are changing for me. I'm hoping that the event happens soon.
     
  5. Yes, I know from personal experience - DE is awful and lube is no answer, just extends things a few minutes before drying out. What has worked well for us is allowing intercourse to continue until my wife has orgasm, or her desired number of orgasms. I don't push myself to the destination, just enjoy the ride along the way.
     
  6. AscendRestore

    AscendRestore Fapstronaut

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    For me delayed ejaculation is just finding it takes a lot longer to find that 'zone' where you start to believe within yourself that an orgasm is possible in this scenario.

    The problem being that in the non-orgasmic stimulation period ... a lot of thoughts can intrude that make finding that zone even harder:
    • Is the condom interfering with sensitivity (plus the distraction of putting it on, assessing your erection, trying to stay excited)
    • Is my partner enjoying this, are they getting bored or sore?
    • Have I stayed in this position too long, do they want me to change, what would I change it to, will my penis come out if we change positions
    • Ah, leg cramp
    • (Mostly for guys) - oh, he came, he won't want me pounding away anymore, I guess I ran out of time
    • Any little bit of feedback that seems negative
    • Shhh, stop thinking so much about sex and just do it
    • Damn, why is this so hard for me?
    • Oh, I heard a noise, saw a shadow, felt a vibration
    If I could just close off all those distractions it might be easier.
     
  7. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut
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    same boat but i haven't completed my 90 days yet.
     
  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I have a question as a partner of a man with DE. You say that you just do it until your partner is satisfied and not focus on the O. But do you not feel unsatisfied? I mean do you just keep having sex and never O? From a partners perspective I feel like if he never Os he will go back to PMO and I have read that many men with DE caused by porn or otherwise end up Ming alone in secret because it's the only way they can enjoy release. My partner can make himself O with his hand with me in the room but that's not what either of us ideally want. He does in addition to PMO have a rapid pace and strong grip so him using his hand makes the DE worse and since he always knew he had that option and it felt better than me he would give up and just do that. But am I doing more harm than good ?
     
  9. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut
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    For me I go until the woman is satisfied. I never O in front of a female manually because i need a lubricant and porn in order to O (right now).
    I have been told when that happens she feels inadequate herself as she was not able to make be O. I have also been told I was gay because I couldn't O with a female. This makes be feel inadequate. I think I've lost out on a few relationships because of my poor performance. I feel the female thinks I am either 1) not man enough for her or 2) or gay.
    I feel terrible that this happens but I always keep quiet about my own short comings due to my porn addiction. The porn addiction is my most personal secret. It is something I have never told anyone about because I am truly embarrassed.
     
  10. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Well you have told all of us right? And look at how many others are suffering like you? So you are not alone, and while there is nothing wrong with being gay, there are plenty of men on here with DE that are not gay. I never once thought my partner was gay because he could not O with me, nor did I think he was not man enough. I am sorry if females told you that before. Myself, I thought it was my fault, and I blamed myself entirely. It was never oh he is gay, or he's not man enough it was what is wrong with my technique am I pretty enough, that's what we women do, we blame ourselves for everything. That on top of the presumption of society that as a woman the ultimate thing in life is to be sexy and beautiful and for men, they should always be able to perform, they are sex machines right? DE hits hard at a woman's self esteem. I cannot tell you the pain it has caused me. So I suspect that the women who said awful things to you, were doing it out of anger, and fear and they were trying to hurt you back, because they felt hurt. Most women have never in their lives experienced a man whom they could not sexually satisfy, and so when it happens they have no reference point. You do need to tell the women about your problem with porn. If you are in a serious relationship then you need to disclose now. If she rejects you and runs in the other direction, then move on she was not right. If you are not in a serious relationship now, work on yourself do the NoFap, and you can change this. But to me, the lies and hiding the porn is what caused me to want to leave, not the DE. Now some women will leave due to the DE, or PMO but the majority will leave due to the dishonesty. Even if she never finds out, you are holding back in the relationship and she knows it, it is felt, and you cannot receive or give true intimacy until you are 100% truthful. You can do this, you deserve to have a sex life where you have total intimacy you can. Hugs.
     
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