What I learned last year

I have performance anxiety, yet I'm the most confident male in any room. I can compete with south americans even (lol), but for whatever reason, I have a weakness behind the scenes.

I navigated dates with dozens of girls last year and naturally, during my initial bonding periods I believed that increasing the number of dates until I'd make the move sexually with a girl was the right thing to do. I thought that it would give me more time to not PMO, something I'm typically motivated not to do when I meet a new woman.

Weird right?

See, the girl doesn't know that I'm balancing NoFap at the same time as getting to know her. I'd see the girl as my vessel to get better, but with the initial frustrations brought on from trying to understand women, typical scenarios, I'd relapse.

Now I relate this aspect of dating concurrently with self-improvement as suicide, because girls can get confused with why things are taking so long, and then lose interest. I found that I drew out the action of showing sexual interest too long, for fear of her being interested and then something not happening, with my problem.

I'd hit 3 or 4 dates.

Way too much. There's kind of a rule there. The girl is not sure who or what you are to them. Friend or potential strung along interest?

Why hasn't he tried to kiss me? Why hasn't he at least touched me?

I'd push all these things back, to give myself 'more time', and then nothing would happen. She'd either be confused, lose interest or just use you for free food, haha.

This year, I will take every single opportunity to push myself, and fail, by being as cheeky as possible, not caring about the consequences.

Women WANT to feel something, which is why they give men their time, it just takes a real one to recognise that.

 

I am into casual sex at the start of relationships. I've always had it, as it's an important stepping stone. I just have on and off performance anxiety which I think can only be worked out by taking more risks. It's actually the only thing that stands in my way at this point.

Every woman has the potential to be unlocked by a sharp man, if he plays his cards rights, activates her emotions, treats her with respect, responds and advances correctly, and isn't weird, first and foremost.

If I didn't try to have sex with a woman after she showed interest, despite escalating correctly, then I'd be a complete idiot.

You have essentially warmed a woman up to you, and then pulled away. It's cruel.

In my world, you shouldn't talk about sex with women, but instead feel and learn to sense what she's going through at the time, really, try to get in her head.

Once you've found something there - attack it with full force!!

You can only be rejected.

What's the big deal with that?

 

Exactly dude! You can't remould a woman's mind and perception of men like a clay figure. Move on asap.

 

Getting laid is not my only goal, but sex is very important to a relationship.

I've never wanted to give a girl the best O of her life more than one who has shit tested the hell out of me, challenged me intellectually and has her life together. Someone who doesn't make it easy. Someone who sets up an obstacle course to test you as a man. If you're not sharp enough, you wouldn't last long.

At the same time, there is a 'use by date' on first encounters and the energy that you transmit over early dates and time spent.

Energy between yourself and the woman is very important, but remember, we don't all have the same schedules in life, and we make things work where they fit in between out jobs, study, friendships, family etc. When things come along, sometimes we take them simply because they are available. Relationships in your 20s can serve a great purpose to discovering yourself, before marriage or life commitment later on.

If you think that there is no such thing as sex with no consequences....we must live very different lifestyles, because I've had plenty of that. As long as you are protected, and respectful, it's something to be enjoyed, but is dangerous to be craved. My last one night stand was just an O on both ends, much better than PMO. I don't need to constantly msg that person and I'm not obligated to initiate a relationship either.

There is no way of framing that in a negative light.

Every human has the potential to be 'unlocked' by another.

I'm combatting my performance anxiety, and attempting to quit PMO.

Why shouldn't I try to enjoy it as much as possible?

Life is an adventure!

 

Definitely, but you still have to find a great partner.

I get out there and constantly try to meet new people.

I don't sit around waiting for the perfect woman to come into my life.

Every moment can be spent bettering yourself, and giving people a chance.

Dude, you are certainly not obligated to stick your dick in someone, and I think you missed my point - women, and humans in general, desire feeling. It's why we go to the movies, it's why we enjoy laughing, comedy, music, tasting new things.

 

I had a date recently where it came up that I'd used up my phone data and couldn't play a video.
The girl joked that I probably looked at too much P.

I stated out loud that I don't look at P, matter of factually, which was a sense of pride, and not a conversation that comes up normally.

Throughout the rest of the day we had multiple jokes about P, and what type she looks at, but it was always lighthearted and never weird.

She's a very witty girl.

I'm probably only a week in my current Reboot, and it's been an interesting one so far, I think holding onto that conversation is important.

I liken it to quitting smoking entirely (I'm a social smoker) where I sometimes state out loud that I'd love to quit, though I never state explicitly when or that I fully intend to.

It can make all the difference. How you think will eventually lead to your actions.