1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

What he looked at...

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Johns80, Feb 4, 2018.

  1. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

    219
    215
    43
    I also watched gay male porn in my earlier years and it was nothing I wanted in real life
     
  2. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    This is interesting. I too was always available to my partner for sex. I never turned him down. I was open to do whatever he wanted and even suggested things. This was all before I knew about the addiction. I have always been very sexual. I think he liked me for that reason. Meaning he thought I would be like what he watched in porn. Actually a lot of SOs say that on here so it makes me wonder. The SOs are rarely prudes and have high sex drive. It just goes to show despite how many try to shift blame this is about the addict not us.

    Many addicts look at porn they don’t really want to act out. It’s an escalation. And I know it’s hard but even if you had big boobs he’d still look at porn with women with big boobs. For me I’m not skinny like the porn stars. I’m also not fat. But I felt very insecure about my body after I found out about his addiction. It does that that’s normal.
     
    Penelope likes this.
  3. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    Same here, I was very open to trying new things, his (private) nickname for me was 'nympho' lol because I had/have a really high sex drive. Sex was never in question, both of us enjoyed it. Which is why I could never tell something was off, especially after DDay 1, when he swore he would "quit". I read a lot of SO stories on here about how their PA's stopped wanting to have sex with them, couldn't get it up etc., we never had those problems, so if it wasn't for me actually catching him, I would never have just guessed. After knowing what I know now though, I too often wonder - was he having sex with ME or trying to reenact his fantasies? I did ask and he says "when I'm with you, I'm with you only". *Shrug*

    Our connection fell off and got worse throughout the years, but I thought it was just his personality, that he wasn't the 'romantic' or 'affectionate' type, that's why I mentioned I wouldn't have known about his addiction; based solely on our sex lives.
     
    Penelope and GG2002 like this.
  4. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

    93
    71
    18
    I'm curious to ask PAs.... Since so many of us just seem down for it anytime. Does being too available make it harder? Like maybe having to try a little would make us more desirable? I dont know. All I know is before I was the one who initiated well over 90% of the time. After the latest d day when it stayed the same i told my husband he needed to initate more or I feel like he doesnt really want me. I think now I would estimate he initiates slightly more often than I do. (I never let us go more than 2 days...if he goes without initiating for 2 days than I initiate)
     
  5. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    I suppose it could be the thrill of the chase but One would think they would grow tired of that in the long term. Men are often I find very intimidated by a women who enjoys sex and has a higher drive because they worry they can’t please her.
     
  6. I’ve gotten quite a bit of dobre
    I’ve gotten quite a bit of sobriety, so maybe my answer would have been different years ago.
    But I don’t think I’ve ever had the problem of my wife being too available. I think I’ve turned down an opportunity for sex maybe 2 times in 20 years.
    Wife wants it more than you?
    Good problem to have in my opinion. :emoji_hugging:


    PS: I am not justifying PMO because of lack of interest from SO in any way.
     
    TryingHard2Change likes this.
  7. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    Every person is different. I often think maybe the SOs that are on NoFap are on here because sex matters to them. There are many of my female friends that despise sex and would want nothing more than for their husband to leave them the heck alone. So I guess what I am saying is maybe there are women who are married to PMO addicts and don’t mind the lack of sex because they don’t like it all that much. So those of us on here are the ones that long for it.
     
  8. BetrayedMermaid

    BetrayedMermaid Fapstronaut

    353
    946
    123
    I’m an SO on here because I want a meaningful intimate sexual relationship with my husband, not just an objectified fuck.

     
  9. Oddly enough, I would like more intimate sex also. My wife won’t kiss me anymore, but she’s ok with me giving her an O once in a while.
    Idk if I should just take it like a punishment I deserve or be resentful, but either way I can’t change someone else’s actions.
    I’m opting for patience....
     
  10. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

    219
    215
    43
    THANK YOU!!!!!
     
    BetrayedMermaid likes this.
  11. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

    122
    67
    28
    How awful for them. And their husbands.
     
  12. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

    93
    71
    18
    Actually when we first got married I remember being in a meeting and all the women saying their husbands wanted too much sex and that they wished they would do all the husband stuff but get those needs taken care of elsewhere. Crazy, but I think not altogether uncommon to not want to be intimate in that way. I don't think they really meant that they wanted their husband's to have an affair but clearly didn't want to be having sex with him. When this resurfaces I wonder if my husband s would be more suited for a wife like that. And maybe I would be better suited with a husband who took the time to seek out their wife for those needs... He has been lately. I'm only hoping the trend continues. And he always says it's so much better and makes him feel good without guilt and it makes me wonder, then why didnt you come to me I the first place?
     
    Numb and Deleted Account like this.
  13. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

    2,007
    3,391
    143
    I wish I knew the answer to this question, but I was just as confused with my ex addict. I think many men become PMO addicts because of shame with reference to their sexuality. So even when they have a very willing partner they don’t feel comfortable doing the sexual things they really want due to shame, usually from child hood. So they express it in watching porn, but in doing so they deprive themselves and their partners of intimacy. And once they the addicts have gotten used to the PMO being their sex life it’s hard to bring it back to being the partner.

    For me the partners I have had with high sex drives, who were down for whatever and Kept me more satisfied than ever, were usually totally incompatible with me relationshp wise. And the ones that were good relationship partners had low sex drives and were boring in bed. I sort of have given up on finding the male unicorn and figured especially now that I’m 40 and many men my age are already having low drives and ED issues I, going to have to settle for one and not both.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

Share This Page