What happened to make you realize you needed help?

May I ask where you come from, where you cannot drink alcohol until you are 21?

 

21 is the legal drinking age in the US.

 

I noticed I was in trouble when I went to P for pleasure rather then my wife. Also my sensitivity when we have sex was diminished to the point where I felt no sensation with sex, only with P could I have a O.

 

What are you on about anyway? Do you actually consider it not a problem that the guy watches porn with girls that most likely don't even have a driving license yet, while also living with one? You find it shouldn't be an issue for the mother of the girl?

I'm not even sure where to start explaining... This is about the most prime and blatantly obvious maternal instincts, and MsPants was very right to act on them.

Also, who gives a shit about what the civil law says, when it comes to protecting your daughter from people that are pretty much okay with using females as sexual objects?

 

Thanks @TheSumOfAllBeers. I am astonished that 21 is the legal drinking age in the USA.

 

I realized that my ED was indeed PIED.

 

What the civil law says about sex with teenagers is a kind of consensus in that society. Anyway, you yourself indicated that the civil law is relevant because you referenced what age someone can a obtain a driving license.

Consider a man who views 30-39 year old women as sex objects, and masturbates to videos of them having sex. Do family members need to protect women in the house in that age group from such a man, for fear he may be a sexual predator?

According to Ms Pants, she doesn't think anyone should be having sex until after the age of 25! That is truly bizarre!

 

"My husband still won't admit he has a problem"

Denial is not just a river. It's not cliche', when we have a problem we have denial, the first step is to overcome denial, and that is something we must do on our own. It is my experience that external influence actually makes it worse.

I used to be addicted to smoking cigarettes. I had to reach bottom and then I quit. Before that, there was nothing anyone could do or say, including my wife at the time, actually it made things worse.

I used to have depression, and I was in denial, I know that now.

I used to be addicted to Porn, and I had ED; each and every time I came across PIED I would say "Nope, not me", and look down at those people who were addicted to Porn.

I know I am still addicted to Sex, I am here, I am doing PM-mode and I know that I should do Hard Mode, but... nope, I won't do it. I tell myself all sorts of stuff, like:

• "not yet",
  
• "maybe later",
  
• or "PM-mode is enough",
  
• "my problem is not as serious as those people requiring Hard Mode"

.... I am the problem, I am the solution.

Addictions affect everyone around us, so it's good that you are here, taking care of yourself, educating yourself.

"You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink" is so true.

Wishing you and your husband all the best.

Try buying the book Your Brain On Porn, the physical book, them wrap it and give it to him as a "present". Somehow tell him that he can read it and educate himself, because the next stop on his journey is PIED. Tell him that you don't expect him to jump on it, just to keep it somewhere for when he might have the doubt that maybe there's something in that book for him.

That's thought love, tell him. And know that it's not going to be a pleasant conversation, but - again - thought love. Do it fast, quick, like taking off a band-aid.

 

What the civil law says is basically what the so-called elites have established in the given country, and then passed based on a mandate granted by the generally intellectually numb democratic electorate who never even cared about bullshit like "is sex allowed from the age of 18 or 20" in the first place. To be honest, it doesn't even matter - and I think MsPants will agree with me on that - whether her girl is 18, 25 or 30. Remaining- as an emotionally sensitive and mature woman (i.e. not a slut) - in the presence of a man that constantly spends his free time on watching hundreds of different women having sex is disturbing in its own way, and even more so if it is your own daughter that is exposed. After all, it is the role of the parents (note: not the government's) to safeguard the healthy development of their children. And indeed, they have the right to oppose to their children having sex before the age of 25 (or any other age) if they deem it right. Whether the children obey is the concern of the family - not the "society's", not the government's, and certainly not mine or yours.

I, as an individual, am just declaring my perfect understanding and support for the OP's reaction. Also, I don't think OP thought it actually probable that the guy would commit some sort of sexual assault on her daughter. However, just the knowledge of his habits is enough to feel rightly disturbed whenever the guy sits on a chair next to your girl. Let's face it: hardcore pornography (and porn with teens generally falls within this category) to a healthy mind is disgusting, and any connotations in one's mind between such a filthy thing as porn and your loved ones can awaken nothing but disgust (well... along with a wide array of other negative sensations).

 

You have a harsh, judgemental view of your fellow citizens. Anyway, I'm not going to repeat myself, it's wasted on you.

 

Another interesting article citing "teen" is the most prolific porn category (see link below)...
The average age being 22 which backs up teens on screen are likely to be older but dressed to look younger. What you make of this, is up to you and begs the paradoxical question, would you be happy to sleep with a 16 yo who looked 30, or a 30 yo who looked 16?

Essentially, I get where MsPants is coming from but to suggest this guy is going to be a sex pest around her daughter or their daughter is a bit too strong IMO.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...a-born-brunette-size-34B-bra-named-Nikki.html

 

I did not act too harshly. Read the forums and you will see countless people acting on their porn addicted interests. There are so many people on here admitting to doing things brought on by their addiction that they normally would not even have thought they would do, many are ashamed and horrified by where their addiction has led them. That is what brought me to my decision. I had no idea what was going on in his mind at the time. I did not overract. I did what any parent would do when motives are unclear. I had no way of knowing what could happen at that time because of his addicted brain. I did not know if he would act out something that he was interested in because of the "suggested teen" content, regardless of the actual age of the women in those videos. My decision actually brought him to his rock bottom and is healing, and our relationship is healing dramatically. I now know that he was not interested in my daughter, but did not know that initially, but I still would not do things differently even now.

This addiction clouds judgement and no woman OR teen girl should be objectified by men; that comes from the porn addicted brain. Porn taints judgement and until my SOs porn fog lifted, I could not trust him. I trust him now.

 

I didn't hit rock bottom. I just realized my taste in porn was becoming a little morbid. I also realized it's contributing to my depression. So I decided to retry quitting today.

 

@MsPants out of interest what do you think about Mick Jagger, he's 78 and recently just became a dad with his 29 yo girlfriend, does he qualify as a sick paedo who shouldn't be trusted around young girls in your opinion? Is it OK because his girlfriend is over 25? Just ticklishly curious to know what you think about that?

 

This is such a shitty comparison and rhetorical manipulation, tweeby... Do you happen to be a liberal democrat?

I am terrified that you guys find it difficult to understand MsPants' concern. It makes me question your sanity or/and emotional maturity. And this absolutely regardless of whether the guy was planning on committing any offence or not.

 

Ok, I just wanted to back up @Ekhangel, except I don't like the "liberal democrat" part. (Side note: From what I see the republican nominee is truly appalling when it comes to women and he is the one only relying on cheap rhetoric.)

Otherwise I too am terrified that after some time on NoFap, you still have these difficulties.

Anyway, back to the topic:

@IGY or SNL, whatever your name is now. I've lived in three countries up to now, all of them legalizing sex from 16 on. Before that one assumes that consent cannot really be given. This, however, doesn't make it right for a 40y old to sleep with a 16y old. It makes it legal. Not right. It's legal to not care about your parents if they are sick and have no money. It still isn't right. The idea behind the age of 16 is that it does happen, that a 23y and a 16y fall in love. Why should it then be illegal? That still doesn't make it right if the older partner is a lot older.

I read to some of your posts. You know nothing when it comes to relationships. You are 40+ and never had any relationship nor family. Why do you judge then instead of trying to understand? You've been on this site for 2 years and still don't see anything wrong with someone your age getting off to teens?

@MsPants had every right to kick her husband out. To use your argumentation: " It is legal so why did it shock you? "
Him getting off to porn is reason enough. Him getting off to porn that is on the borders of legal (I was 14 and passed as 18 when I wanted...) is reason enough. Him doing all this while a teenager was in the house is reason enough. She doesn't owe you any explanation. Her husband owes her one.

I don't have a family yet, my SO is in his late twenties and also saw some teen porn. He saw worse things, more violent, but it's also that part that still gets me and that gives me flashbacks. Why? Because I want a family some day. And I want to feel safe to let my potential daughters run around in our garden. In bikinis. With their friends... without being scared if he might get off of them.

My SO, being 26, first also argued that he started watching that when he was their age and that it's not the age that was interesting for him (he watched every age) and that they are all 18+. Now he also realizes that if he had continued he might have conditioned himself to teen porn. What probably helped him is me explaining why it's wrong (see the fear above) and me showing him pictures of myself when I was 14. I looked exactly the same age as these "adult" teen porn actresses.

I know, @IGY, you don't have any family of your own and probably cannot grasp these feelings but maybe one day you will. A teenager, no matter how smart, how adult looking, how mature is never someone you, a 40+, should be with. If you still crave that than that comes from porn, from some very deep psychological issues and your own inadequacy when it comes to interacting with adults.

To get to your example, @tweeby, yes, I do find that disgusting and wrong. I lost the last respect I had for him when I read that (and I grew up with the Rolling Stones as my mum is/was a huge fan). He is basically giving birth to a partial orphan. He will never be the father any kid deserves. He is having a relationship with someone who could be his granddaughter. It might be legal. I still find that disgusting.

 

What's this? dissension in the ranks, hijacking posts and running off on tangents that has nothing to do with the topic. To answer the topic question before it was so rudely hijacked by the morality or lack thereof of legal teen porn being consumed by adults group. (And I thought that shaming people for their sexual tastes was frowned upon here.)

I realized I had a problem when I was unable to achieve orgasm through sex with my partner of 5 years who I deeply love and want to be a fully functional sexual partner and a good lover with. Initially, like so many others, I believed that circumcision was the root of the problem and would be something i would have to learn to live with. However, I recently became aware of this movement and I cannot dispute the logic that porn sets a person up to view their partner and potential partners in a sex negative misogynistic manner. I want to be the best I can for myself and my partner and that's why and when I decided I needed help.

 

This thread should probably have it's own reboot and started again... Is this how it usually goes on here?

 

No. This thread has rather gone 'round the bend and off the deep end.

 

Aye, I thought it must have.... I might just give this one a miss.