What about M without P ?

It took time for me.

I heard an SAA (sex addicts anonymous) speaker talk about how he’s learning to express, enjoy and nurture his sexuality in healthy ways. I had never heard this, ever, and it had me thinking for several days. I looked up some things on Wikipedia, a resource I use all the time to learn about things that interest me. There’s a part of the brain that governs our sexuality, the pituitary and the hypothalamus. They’re right next to each other, and cause the release of hormones and other brain chemicals that our bodies need to grow and mature as well as cause a number of autonomic responses. Autonomic responses are things our bodies do automatically that we don’t have to think about, like breathing, keeping our hearts beating, our digestion and many things. When boys and girls are about 10-12, they cause secretion of male and female hormones, testosterone and estrogen, to make us mature and go into puberty. These cause changes in our sex organs, make us grow and make our body parts change, voice deepen, hair grow in new places, and accelerate our physical growth.

We’re created with genetic material that makes us want to reproduce, that make us sexual beings. In order for that to happen, when we see someone attractive to us, our breathing can get faster, our pulse quickens, the heart beats faster and for guys and girls, a body part gets engorged and guys drip pre, girls’ vaginas secrete fluid for lubrication. These are natural responses that we have absolutely no control over. I used to hate these things. I hated it if I was on a bus and a hot guy or girl sat across from me in shorts and t-shirt or whatever, dripping with sexuality. Sometimes I’d be sitting, the bus/train crowded, and a hot person stood right next to me, his bulge or her crotch, his/her ass, was literally 18 inches from my face. Sometimes I’d get up and move, but often there was nowhere to go. I’ve always tried to use bus/train time efficiently and I’m always on my iPhone listening to music, reading, texting, doing emails, watching YouTubes or doing some form of homework – so I don’t just sit and waste that time. With someone totally hot near me I force myself to get busy and not get crazy (and hard), sexualizing them, imaging his size, her pus*y or whatever. I hated these autonomic responses. Then I realized everyone has them, but it’s our reaction to them that gets unhealthy. I learned the “3-second rule”, that I can give myself 3 seconds to think about or maybe undress them, but then I have to change my thoughts. The brain can’t have more than one thought at a time; I can CHOOSE how I respond. The knee-jerk reactions are the autonomic responses; for us guys who are addicts, we become obsessed with fantasy and keep our heads (both of them) fixed on that person.

So sexuality is built-in. Whatever our concept of the Creator Of The Universe is, The Force, Higher Power or God – the name doesn’t matter, it all refers to the same force that created the universe and all that’s in it. It’s what creates life. So sexuality by definition has to be a good thing…. But for porn and sex addicts, we misused it and developed an unhealthy relationship to sex. For me, I choose to get well and recover from addiction and to my di*k, to be blunt. We all made our penis our best friend, using it to change our moods and not feel emotions that made us uncomfortable. I learned in SAA that our problem has nothing to do with sex, it’s an emotional problem. Sex is an escape mechanism, a coping skill we developed to not feel emotional pain.

Lol, I was curious to learn why so many people these days make such a big deal over cirumcision. Ok, I’ll admit it, I’ve had a love affair with my penis. It has brought me the most physical pleasure and I’ve made it a point to have as much of this pleasure as possible since I learned to wank. When I looked it up on Wikipedia ( https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumcision) I was shocked by what I read and HOW LONG the article was. “Circumcision is the world's oldest planned surgical procedure… and is over 15,000 years old” according to Wikipedia. I write this not to begin a discussion about people’s opinion pro or con, only to show how completely OBSESSED society has been/is with the penis!

Anyway, my point is that sex can be used in good healthy ways, and that’s why I’m on NoFap and in SAA. Porn and sex addiction affected my life in every area in destructive ways. It caused me to isolate in my room, in front of my computer, stroking and edging for hours, sometimes staying up all night and O-ing several times. I blew off friends, family members, school work, was late to my summer job or even call in sick cuz I was up all night. To enhance my PMO I smoked weed and did coke to make it hotter. Fuck, it ruined my life and I’m grateful I recognized it and decided to do something about this shit.

My friend who shared this idea of healthy, nurturing sex opened me up to the idea that I have to change my mind-set and my relationship to sex. Sometimes I’d be with a sex partner and couldn’t get it up cuz the experience wasn’t as hot as porn. The fantasy of porn was always better, the person in pics & vids was my perfect ideal, the body part was what I wanted and I needed the hottest thrill to get off. Porn was always the perfect lover, and it never disappointed, where sex with a person could be dull, especially if they weren’t the hottest looking, or their organ or body parts weren’t what I really wanted to send me into orbit complete with all the fireworks, leaving me utterly spent and gasping for air…. or their sexual acrobatics and technique were less what I wanted. I was less interested in truly being emotionally present and intimate as I was hot for the d*ck or pu*sy. I had made the sex organ or whatever an idol I worshipped, a kind of Higher Power. Like Gary Wilson says in his YouTube videos, my brain got desensitized to real sex and wanted a bigger “hit” or “pay-off”. We can get into some crazy kinks we normally would never do cuz our brains get bored with what we’re watching and wants a bigger “kick”. Noah Church (also a YouTuber) talks about str8 guys getting into sex with transgendered people, gay sex, guys str8 & gay can get into BDSM, water sports and tons of things. We get totally skewed.

I found a video on a porn site of a guy who talked and demonstrated having healthy sex by masturbating. He even used a toy, which is ok. In my book. But he didn’t look at a porn vid while he did this like so many cam guys do. He didn’t have to fantasize about porn or another person in order to get hard, M and O. I remembered what it was like as a teen to MO just by being with myself, with no outside stimulus. I could enjoy my body, my sexuality, and have an enjoyable time. Since the beginning of the human race, males AND females have masturbated, it’s part of growing up and part of sexuality and it seems to me that if it’s not compulsive and an addictive behavior, it’s healthy.

Recovery doesn’t mean renouncing our sexuality; it means embracing it in a new way. We can choose when or whether to be sexual with ourselves. Being sexual with myself?! What does this mean? If I embrace it, then I accept it, nurture it, love it & learn to love myself, who I am, and my body. It means having a close, intimate sexual relationship with myself. Am I making love to myself? Sure, my sexuality includes my sexual preferences, which are guys, and sometimes girls – but it’s much more than that. And no, it’s not narcissistic. I want sex with someone to be a beautiful, intimate experience and as long as I have an unhealthy relationship with porn and fantasy, I can’t – and never will – experience the best and most fulfilling experience possible. I think I’m worth that much.

Masturbation doesn’t have to be about porn or fantasy, I let it be about loving and enjoying myself and my body. The guy in the video demonstrating a healthy experience with masturbation taught me that just like sex with someone, foreplay or “the build-up”, is very important.

I can’t say “that’s my 2 cents on that,” I wrote much more than that…….

Hugs -

 

There are people who have recovered from P addiction by using sex toys as a replacement to their hand and don't use porn or fantasy... or so, I have heard people to have claimed this.
Personally, I agree with toys. It prevents death grip and the other issues involved with MO with the hand, however if addicted to P then i'd say hell no - no matter what! In NoFap, the idea is to starve your brain from any connection to P, which includes MO. If you can truly say you won't think or anything sexual whilst MOing then you're lying... no offence but na mate, you're bullshitting yourself to give an excuse so you can MO, then again and then give in to P aswell and then you'll be PMOing every 5 mins of everyday.
There is no way you can MO without going back to P, if you're addicted to P and you're certainly not going to get better very quickly.

I recommend going through success stories and seeing the positive effects of no PMO at all has had on people, then choose to have no MO, as the recovery will be faster, better and most of all, the recovery will be worth it.
Don't feed the beast, it always wants more!

 

I don't think MO caused my relapse. There was something else happening and I am in the process of trying to figure out what, however I believe I am getting a perverse reward from looking at porn that has little to do with O. Probably has more to do with "evidence" of depravity where I get to be judge and jury condemning myself. Like I said, early days of my thought process.

 

I’m would just question that it’s working for you to MO twice a week when you haven’t been sober for that long. Can you go a long time without PMO and MO? Like more than 4 months? That’s the issue.. Because everytime one uses porn, it creates harm. I don’t have the magic answer, but I don’t think twice a week is moderation (in my opinion). But if you can in fact go really long periods of time without porn and do that, then yes. It’s just in my experience, I wouldn’t do that. I feel like it’s better to go longer periods without it, and save it for the real thing, assuming it’s a healthy partner etc. I’m not sure if being gay has anything to do with this, but if it does, all good.

 

Everyone is different. But for me--its all tied together. Saying I'll do one is like an alcoholic saying, "I'll just take one sip," or, "I just want to smell it." And before you know it--you're back to your old ways, doing the same thing.

 

Why do you “want to” even though you say you “don’t have to?” Sounds like Addict Brain talking.

Give it up. Your balls wont explode, you won’t get cancer and you won’t become a raging, furious sex-deprived beast. Save it for a lover instead of your fist. Be a man, not a monkey.

 

I needed to read that today. Thanks!

 

No prob bro! It's a daily reminder

 

I want to share my experience...i started nofap on march 6 th...i went for 2 weeks without relapse..i started craving so bad and i was having in my mind a pic of P star in one of this shit movie...i felt bad and good ...guilt , shame and felt a little bit happy...so next day i had a chaser effect for 2 days...i continued my nofap for 3 weeks ...man i was good until i broke up with my girl(Long distance relationship). I didn't relapse ...i went to strip club thought might be would help...i got lap dance(First time to go there ever in my life) and i M. Went bk home feeling guilt and shame and i started to feel a little bit proud of myself because i felt my libido is coming bk its 3 on scale of 10.
After few days i got bad anxiety because of worrying about STD. Any how i continued for couple more days and i felt im getting boner (60%)...i M'd without O.
I felt good actually.but my mind tricked me next day by remembering my Ex girl friend why u broke up.i went to M with O.
I felt something is running in my forehead!. For 2 days after that i start P without MOing. I tricked by some videos talking about PIED and there is test to know if u have ED or no. So ended by PM.
I'm in day 5 but i M by wierd way!...i used with my Ex wife to toss the salad for each other.today in the 5th day i was doing yoga to stretch my back and while i was pending i felt the feelings of tossing the salad! And i ended M without even touch it!!!!!.
But i don't feel brain fog or lack of energy or anything of symptoms at all unless i still have no libido.
I'm trying to educate myself everyday and to know why I relapsed.

Advice: don't touch your penis at all...dont make it even 50% boner. Its just for peeing only...and if you sleep naked try to ware boxer.
I hope my story is useful for others.

 

I’m trying to get all the benefits of not doing Pmo . Plus I have post orgasmic illness syndrome so anytime I m/o I get a little sick for a day or two and I M to women that I find attractive on Facebook and I want to change my ways . I’m a sex addict looking to fill the void of losing my ex . I want a normal healthy relationship because every time I talk to a women it always leads to the thought process of only wanting sex ... I want to feel again

 

Reset - Yes
Feeding the best - yes, not harmless at all
Masturbation without porn - if that's the perspective, you need to stop M

My perspective is that "just" masturbation will never stay like that - it's a gateway drug. And that's from my hard won experience of being in my third batch of dealing with this and it actually working now, and previously I allowed myself masturbation. For your own sake, I'd say avoid the lot.