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Went in for the kiss and I got denied :/ am i done for?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by JourneyMan16, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. JourneyMan16

    JourneyMan16 Fapstronaut

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    My ex and I went on a date today and we haven't seen each other in a while. So far everything was going great ; we went bowling (I got a couple strikes) and walked around a mall. (Im 16 and don't have a car but she does) So then after she drops me off at my house and just before I open the door, I decide to lean in and kiss. Come to my attention she grabs my hand and leans back saying "No, sorry not yet" (kinda with a nervous laugh). So then I got out of the car and walked in shame to my door. :( - I don't understand, like why not? We have kissed before and I look a lot better since last time we talked. What is the deal?
     
  2. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    She’s not ready + You don’t understand = Ask her to help you understand why she said no + Give her time
     
    Wind Fanatic likes this.
  3. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    I dont wanna come off as being a bro on the internet giving u advice that i expect u to take very seriously but ideally u really think about it and look at reality plainly and honestly.

    First off a women arent just moody and crazy. I mean yes sometimes they are but they are also smart enough to know themselves and predict situations. Including ur attempt to kiss and also how they would feel about it.

    That being said keep in mind exes are exes for good reason. Idk u , idk what happened in ur relationship but one thing ive learned is this. Never go after women who are not into u and making it easy to progress in the relationship ( u might say but i was with her before especially if u were with em before) . Like sure she is an ex and yes u went on a date but like u said. U kissed many times before. Logically u should be picking up where u left off , no big deal. A kiss at the end of a nice date should be natural. Except its not. It not being natural is reality waving the giant red flag at u something is wrong.

    In a different situation u could just be chill like aw she not ready yet but it seems like ur emotionally invested in a situation u shouldnt be invested in. This is the classic shutdown moment ive seen many nofappers lose streak to and lose sleep over when in reality its often good it happened on an early date rather than a later one after u invested time, money, emotions etc.

    But u dont have to take my word for it. I suggest you actually look at ur chat history. Look at it as if u were another person reading it. Look at it objectively. Look at ur past fights, why you broke up, common problems. Her sharing her honest feelings. I dont mean the cutesy i like u too moments or sexy talk. I mean sincere original words. Take a serious look at it and add it up in ur head. Once you do that, what u should do next and how u approach / think about the situation will become clear.
     
  4. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    The first thing I noticed, she actually said "No, sorry not yet". That is a surprisingly difficult thing to do, especially at your age. It means she's quite emotionally mature, to acknowledge what happened out loud, and she was delicate about it, while not rejecting you altogether. It does seem that you invested yourself emotionally way too soon, but let me tell you the ugly truth: this world isn't a "happy ever after" fairy tale where you meet the one and destiny brings you together and so forth. If it doesn't work out, you'll find someone that you'll fit better with. But for now, I think she will appreciate if you show some man backbone, and perhaps give her an honest apology, something on the lines of "I am sorry for <last night>, it was not my intention to make you uncomfortable. I hope me rushing things will not ruin something wonderful that's been going on, and I'll be more considerate in the future." I'm no relationship/psychology expert, but with this, you'll show you have the backbone of facing uncomfortable situations, and your own mistakes, something that many "men" still can't do. It's a good thing to learn, even if she will in the end reject you, you'll be a better man after learning this lesson. And it will show her that you care about her feelings (I hope you do, not just about kissing and holding hands and the social status of being in a relationship :p), and that you have a genuine interest in making her happy. Don't cling, and perhaps leave her a little space, the needier you'll get, the less interested she'll be.
     
    justafriend and White Sheep like this.
  5. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    I'm no dating expert but something feels off here....

    I feel like you left out important details about the what really happened on the date. You failed to mention anything about her which tells me you were only thinking about youself. Were things really going great? Was she having fun? Was she laughing? Were you both quite the entire time?

    "I got a couple of strikes..." was that suppose to get her panties wet?

    You walked around the mall... anything worthwhile to note?

    What warranted you to make an move? And why did you feel it was appropriate with an ex at that time?
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. I gave up mind reading years ago because I sucked at it ,you went for the kiss it didn't work out this time doesn't mean it wont in the future
     
  7. whatrichme

    whatrichme Fapstronaut

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    i think u did it too late. There could have been many instances you two could kiss but didn't.
    Try again next time

    I recommend you to act strong like nothing happened, and politely for her out for another date.
     
  8. Sounds like you struck out
     
  9. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    Simple, too soon bro, but you know she is into you since she agreed to go on a date with you.
     

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