Well, Here I Am.

Big Parade · Dec 9, 2013

My story.

I am a single 27 year old male. And I look at porn. I was first introduced to it at a young age, not sure on the age exactly because I seem to have blocked out quite a bit of my younger years from my memory. I would say late middle school though. I grew up in a secluded area with few friends and in an abusive household. No acceptance and no encouragement. Once I realized how looking at porn and masturbating made me feel I was hooked. It was the best thing I had going on so I would do it whenever I was feeling down. (which was quite often) anyways as I grew older it was always something that followed me around, no matter who I was with or how much sex I was having, she just never seemed to be up to par with what I perceived to be "hot" from made up porn stars. Later in my life I finally thought I had found someone to be my "one". that she would be enough and that I didn't need to look at porn. only to fall back on it. I dug myself a huge hole by lying and deceiving to keep it from her. Time and time again I would get caught looking at it. Finally i was given an ultimatum to either go to SAA or she was gone. So I went. I was "sober" for up to 9 months at a time and worked the program through. then when our relationship fell through for other reasons I gave up and fell back on my crutch that is pornography to make me feel better. I have since then changed many things in my life and have been through a lot of tests and trials. I am now become a believer and been trying to focus my life and attention on that but still struggle daily with the "urge" as I would call it. I am willing and able now to give up PMO completely and am hoping this social network community will help me find resources to do so and to keep me accountable for my actions. I know this story is kinda all over the place and missing a lot of facts but it is a good start. A huge step for me.

William · Dec 9, 2013

Welcome Big Parade. The good news you can quit it. A lot of us on here have. I use this forum as a tool in my recovery. I read posts and reply to them, and it helps me. The fact you were 9 months clean tells me you can beat it. When I first began my recovery, that is seriously began it, as opposed to just trying to beat the thing by willpower alone, I found a video and website that really helped me. The video is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_RIm9ZMN1I

The website is yourbrainonporn.com

Once I came to understand my brain's chemical reward center cannot distinguish between porn and real sex I took huge step toward recovery. I also learned that to my brain the problem was not just watching porn, but perceiving it, thinking of it, remembering it, and using porn substitutes (bikini models, soft core sex stuff, whatever triggers that dopamine release).

I also found using tools such as porn blockers were very helpful. PMO free for a significant time now. If I can do it you can do it, but for a guy like you (not that I know you but based on your post), it looks like you are where many of us, including me, started, meaning you have not cleaned the porn out of your brain, you are allowing yourself to think of it, compulsively, but to our brains, it is exactly the same as watching it. The same dopamine is released. That is a hard concept to grasp because you and I know that watching porn, imagining it, and having sex are completely different things, but our brain's chemical reward center cannot tell one from the other, you get a shot of dopamine either way.

Good luck in your journey. And thanks for posting; responding gives me an opportunity to reeducate myself, which I appreciate.

scrat_on_speed · Dec 11, 2013

I watched the Ted talk. Very fascinating. I'd love to see the science of how the brain rewards behavior based on faith or motivation. But then it wouldn't be faith or of the heart, would it? Regardless, it's a great way to look at things from a different perspective.

Couldn't get yourbrainonporn.com to load though. Don't know what's going on there.

thom_flood · Dec 11, 2013

welcome big parade

NoFapAsian · Dec 11, 2013

Welcome! It's crazy that women somehow know M isn't good for us and most men don't! Thanks for sharing your story and I'm sure you'll get results from this site. I haven't relapsed since I started reading this forum and watching nofap academy. I watch a nofap academy video every day before I go to sleep and just can't bring myself to M anymore! Good luck.

Brandon2001 · Dec 11, 2013

What nofap academy?

Log in

Well, Here I Am.

Big Parade Fapstronaut

William Fapstronaut

scrat_on_speed Fapstronaut

thom_flood Fapstronaut

NoFapAsian Fapstronaut

Brandon2001 Fapstronaut

Share This Page