We prefer watching naked women on screen because it's safe and we can't get caught or shamed

To some extent this rings true. But not 100%, at least for me.

For me, one of the most destructive attractions to porn is the thought that these women want to be watched (at least in the fantasy in my head). The idea that they enjoyed the thought of guys like me looking at them later and getting off to the images they produced. It's a powerful drug, and a pretty destructive thought cycle. I'd even find myself feeling gratitude that they were so kind to share themselves with the public.

So the enthusiastic greeting and inviting of the viewer to watch, with "no fear of rejection" because you know that what the video or images are made for, is what drew me like a moth to the flame of fantasy - especially when depression and rejection in my real life have left me craving some feeling of being desired and valued on a sexual level.

This is an interesting question. I have never had a purely "physical relationship" or one night stand. So to an extent no, I have not, and don't think I could, look at a woman with the same kind of desire and lust that I look at pictures of women. However, that is because in real life it has always included an emotional and even spiritual connection coupled with lust and physical desire - something that is lacking in the counterfeit offered by porn. Therefore the desire which I have felt and expressed with my wife is of a much higher, much more complicated, and much more real type.

 

I should clarify what I meant there - that the fantasy that was all to common in the porn that I would consume was of women wanting to show off for guys and enjoying the idea of them lusting after her. I agree, that is not a real world thing, or a healthy thing. But it is the fantasy that I struggled against.

 

What do you mean? Various stars stare at the camera all the time!

But let's analyze this.

I am watching porn and yes, she can't see me. But then I switch to a depiction of a woman, ie a drawing, is it still voyeurism at that point?

And inside my head, I have fantasies about people I like and wouldn't expect to reject me. Is it still..... voyeurism?

I'm not saying you're wrong, I just think you missed the generic problem: empathy.

Or the lack of it. Having a screen between me and the people I'm watching creates a disconnect from empathy, regardless if it's on TV or through a window, but I think voyeurism is something we do after total empathetic desensitization. I think watching porn gets us there, but I don't think the reason for porn is because of an internal desire to voyeur. Imagine a voyeur watching voyeurism porn, whatever that may look like. S/he is sitting there focusing on the voyeuristic aspect of it, in addition to the porn itself, where as people watching other kinds may not feel the same.

However, like you said, safety and whatnot are definitely things that lead to voyeurism. But I think you're missing the big picture.

Not all shame must come from wrongings we can be held accountable for, ie voyeurism. Some of it comes from things we can barely see.
What do I mean, you ask?
I mean power. Power and control. Most people think this is a kinky thing, and it can be in some contexts. However, when it brings shame is when we exert power and control over someone in our mind that we do not know. I forget who, but he said that every entity in our dreams is a representation of ourselves. Could the same be true for waking thoughts? Consider these cases:

All views are geared toward explanation of the below.

A person is masturbating to a fantasy. In this fantasy, (it's clean) he gets off to someone he doesn't know. He then feels guilty about the entire experience.
Existentialist says: he was dominating himself (because it comes natural to dominate people inside our head, as we have total control) and so felt the shame of literally scrucking himself.
Buddhist says: there was an imbalance in what he was doing (the explained power difference) and so he had desire to right it but was making effort not to. (or something, buddhism's a hard one)
Nihilist says: he put too much meaning into what he was('nt) seeing.
Agnostic: he was looking for something that could not be found the way he was seeking.

Those all seem strangely similar, but maybe that's just me. Ah, well, let's try the opposite: Empathy.

A person is masturbating to a fantasy. In this fantasy, he focuses on building up a rapport with the person inside his head. He may take weeks or months to do this without ever thinking about sex. Then one day, in his fantasy, he decides he would like to have sex with her (the person). He asks her, and she says yes, because they talked about it and both understand it all and everything. He finally gets off, feels well, and tells his imaginary girlfriend he loves her. And he probably does, but that's his business.
Existentialist: he understood (loved) himself. Easy.
Buddhist: he forced nothing, allowing the universe to take its course. He is balanced.
Nihilist: he didn't act out of chaotic influence. Perfect. (completely relative, but still)
Agnostic: he was not seeking, he had already found it.

Empathy. The glue in all relationships.


What do you think?

 

Looking at pictures of naked women on a screen will result in porn induced erectile dysfunction though, aka PIED.

You will condition yourself to only get hard to pixelated images of nude women but when a real nude woman is standing in front of you you will struggle to get an erection and have sex with her.

This is what happened to me before my reboot, sure it’s very enticing to looking up such images of women but it’s bad for you and your sexual health.

 

You can get caught and shamed, but you don't always go to jail depending on what you were watching.

 

This all ties back with the comfort zone issue. PMO'ing is easy and accessible. It's when we go out of our comfort zones, that we truly understand NoFap, and don't need PMO anymore. Loved this post!