Warrior Mindset 1 day at a time 100 day target

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by Warrior_Mindset, Oct 4, 2018.

  1. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Day 0. Just fapped to P.

    35 yr old Male from England. Been a P addict since age 13(roughly). Started with magazines> vhs> internet. Tastes have gone from vanilla> fetishes> Shemale> sometimes gay. I’ve paid for prostitues Female and Shemale. Been with men as well. Anything other than straight sex has resulted in me heaving, being physically sick, suicidal thoughts, mental torment, shame and drug use. P is the root cause. I’m straight but P had twisted my sexuality. I know this as when on a streak I notice women more, become more confident, flirty and know I love women. P has also caused me to have PIED ruining sexual relationships.

    I’ll be taking this one day at a time. Reminding myself of why I’m doing this will be important on this journey. In 5 years from now I want to be brimming with confidence, have healthy relationships, doing well with work and know who I am and be at peace with it aka a warrior. What I don’t want is to be addicted to P, have meaningless relationships, no confidence and be ashamed of what I am.

    I’m starting at a low point but I’m excited as things can only get better on this journey.
     
  2. Archi Kat

    Archi Kat Fapstronaut

    Hi warrior, welcome!

    You have a story a lot of guys here will be able to relate to. It's clear there is no question about your sexuality, and there will be no judgement of your past here!

    With porn use I have experienced the same thing, but the other way around, im gay, but eventually started watching straight porn - mf mmf and gangbang even though I was appalled at how those woman were being treated, it was still a turn on... stopped the gangbang stuff a while ago, but would still be into straight porn also - mostly vanilla mf and mmf.

    Anyway, point is, you are here, not alone and have already taken the first steps to getting better and improving your life! Go for it!

     
  3. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Archi Kat, thank you for your words brother, they mean a lot.

    Day 4 - a slight urge just now so checked in here. Going well so far, trying to keep level headed about the challenge and not get too excited. Will be doing a guided meditation before bed tonight.
     
    User number one and The_Meister like this.
  4. The_Meister

    The_Meister Fapstronaut

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    What type of meditation do you do?

    Im currently doing unguided, but I have experimented with guided meditation/hypnosis in the past.

    I spent a while doing meditations for gratitude and self love. This really changed my perception of the world and the way it reacted to me. It was amazing.

    But I am currently sorting out some debts. In 5 - 6 months, I will be ready to rebuild my social life, but at the minute just focussing on Open University, Work, restarting NoFap, Meditating and in the new year rejoining the gym.

    Sorry for the ramble but can relate to your story in a lot of ways. P really does mess up the brain.
     
  5. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    low points lead to high points !
     
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  6. User number one

    User number one Fapstronaut

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    I can relate to all of it.
     
    Lostlostguy and Warrior_Mindset like this.
  7. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    @ The_Meister it’s from an app called ‘simply being’. I ended up falling asleep early so didn’t do meditation. Tonight will make a priority to do.
    @4DCreator Thanks. Must keep this in mind.
    @User number one Thank you for your honesty. I didn’t used to know what was wrong with me, thought it was symptoms of a personality disorder.

    Onto another day, let’s conquer this!
     
  8. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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  9. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Interesting video regarding addiction
     
    4DCreator likes this.
  10. 4DCreator

    4DCreator Fapstronaut

    Amazing video !
     
  11. The_Meister

    The_Meister Fapstronaut

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    Im studying Computer Science, I already work in IT so will hopefully further my career.
     
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  12. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Into day 5. Had nightmares last night and woke up in rather a bad mood. This may be withdrawal from P or from me cutting down on cigarettes. Good news the bad mood didn’t last too long. Work went okay and I’m currently enjoying it, usually I’m clock watching. Will be doing a guided meditation shortly - missed last nights which has played a little on my mind today- from now when I say I’ll do something I want to do it. Feeling quite strong minded, a slight urge earlier but dealt with it.
    Been thinking about relationships/friendships. I’m thinking clearer and can see I need to cut some ties. One of my friends is a good guy but he drinks and takes drugs regularly. When I’m in his company it’s usually because we’re drinking and it’s the same story each time. I never look back and think to myself that was a great night. It’s like hearing 2 old drunks talk if I’m honest. I think I’ll be distancing myself from now on. As I said a good guy but ultimately will drag me down. Harsh but true. It’s good to get this out, feels therapeutic.
     
  13. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Into day 6.
    Did 30 mins guided meditation before bed, for some reason afterwards my mind had on loop some twisted sissy hypno I had once listened too when at the deepest in my P days. Anyone an idea if this is normal after meditation?

    A work mate (whom I’m not keen on) was about to play a P video off his phone today, he showed me his phone screen I saw the naked woman I turned my head and told him not to show me, I told him I’m serious. He asked what was wrong with me, I told him I don’t like getting dick teased in my mind I thought what’s wrong with you. I should’ve said that, as showing someone P isn’t normal imo, I mean I don’t even know him.

    A slight urge to view P when I got in from work but went away after 5 minutes. Feeling better overall, more positive and planning my future a little.

    Dreams are becoming sexual, in a P way, waking up in the night with an erection. Good or bad? Unsure.

    Will do another guided meditation before bed, hopefully won’t be experiencing anything strange afterward.

    The battle continues. Keep fighting brothers.
     
  14. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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  15. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Strong urges just now, trying not to be impulsive.
     
  16. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    I recall from the past whenever I feel like this before bed if I ride out the urges, the next day I feel great.
     
  17. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Reset. Edged for about an hour then fapped to P.
     
  18. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Trying to think of any triggers. I wasn’t tired and usually am by 9.30. Had a bottle of Diet Coke wondering if the caffeine had anything to do with it. Will cut caffeine out after 4pm from now on.
     
  19. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Possible trigger: yesterday I found out I had a job (which would’ve been a nice little earner and could do with the extra money as my wage isn’t great) lined up for Saturday and it fell through. This could’ve been it.
     
  20. Warrior_Mindset

    Warrior_Mindset Fapstronaut

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    Starting at zero again. Definitely not felt so good since I PMOD yesterday and today. The benefits of Nofap are amazing, walking away from something I’m bored with and know is toxic should be easy.

    Time to start fighting and not stop until this addiction is slayed. If I put everything into this I can do it.

    Small target for now: 24 hours. Going to give everything I got to get 24 hours PMO free.
     

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