War with myself

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by jenthleth, Sep 19, 2018.

  1. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    I guess this is where I'm going to record my feelings everyday. I'm naturally a pretty reserved person, so speaking about this is kind of uncomfortable, but if this can help me then it's worth it.

    I'm 15, but I've struggled with sexual feelings for basically my entire life. It all escalated as I found porn on the internet and began masturbating at 11. I decided to confront my problems at 12, and I've made some progress in this three year struggle so far, but I've also slid backwards a lot. Hoping this site can help me.
     
    Intrigued Curious likes this.
  2. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Today is day 0, I guess. I masturbated today. Classic pattern of one sexual Google search leading to another, more sexual one, and so on until I couldn't stop myself. I have too much free time on my hands. Tomorrow's a new day though.
     
  3. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 1. Almost no urges today, not tempted to PMO at all. I've gotten into a habit of managing to only PMO twice a week, but obviously that's not good enough. I'm also sick, which isn't great, but at least if I don't have the motivation to be productive I don't have the motivation to PMO.

    I usually feel pretty guilty and ashamed after a PMO, but it usually doesn't extend to the next day like it did today. I suppose getting this account has forced me to confront my problem instead of just trying to forget about it. Hopefully facing it straight on will help me deal with it.
     
  4. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Almost forgot to write haha. Today was pretty good as well. Feeling a lot better. Almost no urges, a few sexual thoughts but I ended them as quickly as I could. I have a feeling it's going to get harder and harder though.
     
    Boogeyman and Michael5iLVEr like this.
  5. Michael5iLVEr

    Michael5iLVEr Fapstronaut

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    That's the spirit, man! Be strong and don't fear what will come on the way. The struggle may get harder, but you'll be more experienced. Also, know thyself. Knowing your weaknesses helps you find ways to avoid them and avoid the chances of falling for your urges. Devise ways, jenthleth, to help you and make your challenge easier. For example, find what are the cues that your brain identifies as opportunities to fap and organise your things so that they'll be unidentifiable. These ways, you'll go ahead miles and you may feel omnipotent over your subconsciousness.

    Keep it up, jenthleth! Be strong and move on!
     
  6. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advice, I'll try to keep it in mind.
     
  7. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 3. Today was surprisingly good. No urges at all. Saturdays are usually pretty tempting for me, so much time at home. Keeping busy really helps. This might be the one time I wish I have a lot of work all the time.
     
  8. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 4. I survived the weekend! Very few urges. I don't know if it's that I'm pretty busy, or somehow the simple fact that I now have this account, but staying away from PMO has been surprisingly easy. Hopefully it will stay this easy.
     
  9. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 5. Pretty good. A couple urges, but nothing too hard to deal with. Studying European history isn't helping though, did all the artists have to draw nude people? I had a sexual dream, but I was determined not to PMO even in my sleep. I suppose that's good.
     
  10. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 6. Some more urges, but nothing close to actual PMO. Still doing pretty good. Staying busy.
     
  11. BurningThisBridge

    BurningThisBridge Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate, it's good to see that even though you find it uncomfortable your willing to share with us so that we can help/encourage you. Honestly I struggle telling people about my emotions too so your not alone. Keep fighting this battle, even though it will be super tough at times. We will be here to help.
     
  12. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the encouragement.
     
  13. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 7. Wow. It's been a week. A pretty small milestone, but one I haven't been able to hit for a while. Today was a bit harder, more urges, especially in the morning. Those died down though. Feeling pretty good.
     
  14. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Ack. I log on to social media and instantly an ad which was really just porn pops up. Why can't these sites regulate their ads better? I reported it so hopefully that kind of thing doesn't happen to other people. Trying not to let it get to me, but trying not to think about something just makes you think about it more and porn has an awful way of sticking in your brain like nothing else.
     
  15. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 8. Last night was pretty hard, given what happened. I managed to restrain myself though. Today's been pretty good as well, not too many urges and not too hard to deal with. Pretty stressed with school though.
     
  16. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 9. Doing pretty good, not too many urges. Entering the weekend though, which is notoriously dangerous.
     
  17. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 10. Today was probably the roughest day yet since getting this account. I've been getting erections when I wake up, which I know are normal but they're not helping. I've had a low, constant desire to PMO for the entire day, and I'm at the point where random words can set off sexual thoughts. Managed to control myself, but it wasn't easy.
     
  18. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 11. Today was okay. I've been getting more and more urges to make seemingly innocent Google searches, but if anything about my track record has told me, they're going to snowball into PMO. I've been able to resist even giving into them a little so far. I don't know if this is a withdrawal symptom, but I've been in an irrationally bad mood all day. Hopefully tomorrow is better.
     
  19. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 12. Today was pretty good. Weekday means not enough time to think about PMO. Not too many urges.
     
    BuffaloSoldier10 likes this.
  20. jenthleth

    jenthleth Fapstronaut

    Day 13. Today was fine as well. A few dangerous thoughts about porn, but they didn't cause too many urges. I feel like I'm kind of in a depressive episode right now though. Stressed and frustrated.
     

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