Wanting my ex gf back

I should preface all of this by saying that I don't know all the details of your situation, so don't take anything I say too seriously. Just read it. If anything speaks to you, cool. If you think it's a bunch of bogus and I'm missing the point, that's fine, too.

I understand why you hid that fact from her in the first place, but I also understand why she was upset about it, given what she had been though in previous relationships.

It's easy for me to say this because it's not my own relationship, and I don't mean to sound harsh with this, but that sounds manipulative as fuck. Sounds like she's testing you, dude. She breaks up with you over a trust issue and then has this expectation that you're going to call her back over the weekend to try to save the relationship? It almost sounds like she planned on getting back together with you from the moment she broke up with you. Did she break up with you just to test how much you really cared about her? That's not romantic, that's just manipulative and controlling.

Just my two cents on the matter, but it sounds like she wants you to chase after her. It sounds like she likes to be in the type of relationship where her partner is running around trying to prove his worth to her so that she's in control. I don't believe that she broke up with you because she has trust issues. Indeed, it sounds like you have broken her trust, but I don't think that's why she dumped you. I think she dumped you to test the waters. She dumped you to see if you would come running back.

This is just my humble prediction, so please take it with a grain of salt, but I have a feeling that if you come running back, she's going to dump you again. She's calling all the shots here. She's going to date you whenever it's convenient for her. She already mentioned that being in a committed relationship feels like being in handcuffs to her. That, combined with the story of her dumping you and begging you to come back multiple times, suggests to me that she's eventually going to dump you again, probably go out on a few dates or do whatever she pleases, and then tell you she's missing you as soon as she gets tired of doing that.

It sounds like she's asking you to be committed to her, to be honest with her, and to not keep any secrets. Is she giving you the same in return? It sounds like she's holding the threat of breaking up with you over your head at all times, and all it takes is one breach of trust before she drops it.

I can't say for sure. Ultimately, I'd say follow your gut. It's usually right. If you sense that something smells funny about this situation, your nose probably isn't the problem. My reaction based on your post is that I think you should just cut your losses and move on. I think you've seen everything this relationship has to offer, and I think there are plenty of women out there who will genuinely want to date you without any asterisks like "I have issues trusting men" or "I have trouble with committed relationships". It sounds like it was an important experience in your life, and it's probably something you needed to go through. Everyone has had a relationship like that in their lives: a relationship that wasn't meant to be and probably never should have been, but needed to happen so that you could learn a life lesson.

Speaking of which, I want to give you an idea of where my perspective is coming from: In my previous relationship, we broke up and got back together a couple of times. The first time it happened, I dumped her. I couldn't really figure out why. She was very upset, demanding an explanation for it. It came as a total surprise to her (and to me, honestly). We stayed apart for about a month, and then we got back together again because we missed each other. I also felt guilty about the fact that I was never really able to explain to her why I dumped her in the first place, and I took that lack of an explanation as evidence that we were really meant to be together. The second time around, she dumped me. This time, it was because I found out she was sleeping with one of her friends. When I found out about it, I confronted her, and she just ended up breaking it off with me. I was hurt, I was frustrated, and I wanted to just let go of it all. I found a new job, moved to another city, and just did some soul searching. One of the best choices I ever made.

After a while passed by, I met my current girlfriend. Eventually, I wanted to introduce her to my family. I drove her over to my home town, and it felt like I was waiting for everything to get super fucked up. I was tense. However, everything was cool. My family really liked her (and they still do). She was polite with them, she helped us with the dishes after dinner, and she was just genuinely pleasant for everyone to be around. That was when it hit me: that was why I dumped that other girl the first time around. I couldn't quite put my finger on it when I was breaking it off with her, but now I realized: that other girl didn't respect my family at all. She didn't respect me, either. We broke up for a reason.

I'm telling you this story because there's a part of me that wishes I had just trusted my gut. On the one hand, I could have saved myself another year or so of misery if I had just trusted my decision to break up with her. On the other hand, everything happens for a reason. In a way, it feels like that extra year of being in a toxic relationship was exactly what I needed. It ultimately wound up teaching me a lesson about what I really wanted from a relationship, and I don't know if I would be where I am today if I hadn't gone through all of that.

I don't know exactly where I'm going with this, but I just want to leave you with this: you and your ex probably broke up for a reason, too. Not just once, but twice now. Maybe it has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe this girl just isn't in a stable enough point in her life to be in a committed relationship. Just focus on yourself for a while, man. You'll get through this. Give it some time. Things will get better.