35 Days of nofap November 22, 2018 4:20 PM Eastern Standard Time. Everything seems going fine, but urges keeps coming and stronger than ever, especially if your house has internet and you have a phone with you. The benefits are manifesting and life's childhood joy and freedom emerge and life moves on with delight. But that's where the sneaky part comes in. In this periods of streak, yourself makes you feel and think that everything can be overcome, especially if you are concrete with your reasons, you accomplish things you never accomplish before, confidence and vitality that forge within you through the days that passed makes you feel unstoppable. This competence I think that I have makes me feel it's okay to look on some sexy scene in the internet can be handled, because I think I have built some will power, and if those urge rise up, I have this belief that I can shut it down and remind myself that this is just a feeling, and as time pass it will go away. this cycle went on. As this cycle went on, I did have some moments that the urge I have, makes itself to overcome me and makes me do it (PMO), deceiving me that I have abstained long enough, and telling me to have some because it reminds me that I'm willful enough to regain my days. this afternoon as I browse youtube while I'm going to take a bath, sexy cartoons show up from the feed "top ten sexy scenes in DC cartoons" I watched a little on those stuff considering I have a mindset that this is just a neutral content not porn, and I'm disciplined enough because of my streak. At that moment that kind of urge/feeling rised up again like a hurricane, and this time my body is so willing to do it. This is one of those horniest feeling that it's so okay to do it (PMO) and taste the feeling (PMO), I feel so helpless and so willing to do it (PMO). I waited for time.. trying to fight my head.. My remaining reasons in my head shut the stream, and divert it to some christian videos, testifying how by praying to God change their addiction to a renewed life. I'm a Christian by the way. I searched the song "When God ran", as I listen to the instrument and lyrics, tears run down to my face. I felt the very feeling of how I started the day one of Nofap journey, the hurricane was gone.. All I feel is the memory of the love of God as I lie in my bed in the dark on September 19, 2018, crying before God thanking Him to make me realize what was all wrong, I'm informed by the Dopamine stuff, crying because this time I can make it right. I can come at His presence again, pray with confidence. All these bondage of chains of (PMO) is broken, I'm a free man now, I was blind and now I'm free. All the wrong that I've done because of the secret habit of (PMO) can no longer happen, though I can't erase my past but I can build my future. I was crying, and crying.. And then I prayed to God to let not the darkness overcome me like that again, I was victorious for now but I'm praying to Him that I don't know what the future holds, one thing I know is that I don't want to fail at it (PMO) again , I don't want to feel the addiction at it (PMO) again. I want to be free, and have respect for myself and others. I want to be born again, have a new body, spirit, and mind. I cried at the bathroom like a child and at the same time like a warrior.